Single

#Lemonade: The Many Layers of WOMAN


giphy

Lemonade.

Layers.

Love.

Liberation.

Last night, April 23, 2016, a movement occurred.  While some call it feminism, I simply call it truth.  Beyonce’s visual album “Lemonade” was what we can assume to be her truth, but it displayed the truth of many women.  Beyonce is not the first woman to address women’s truth, however she is the first to do it in this way; an artistic form; a visualization of the many layers of women and some of the issues women go through.  So let us give credit where credit is due; thank you Beyonce for this piece of art!  Truth is the movement; it is a movement of truth.  A women’s truth.  Furthermore, a Black woman’s truth.  It is not about a woman scorned or the angry Black woman!!  (I had to put exclamation points behind that one)  Again, it is not about a woman scorned or the angry Black woman!!  It is about the emotions of a Black woman and the many layers of why such emotions exist.  The emotions of pain, doubt, love and liberation, to name a few.  It’s Black Girl Magic!!

“Lemonade” simply put is Beyonce telling the world Jay-Z cheated and the perfect love story of Jay and Bey is not so perfect after all.  LOL on that!!  Quite the contrary, Beyonce is sharing with the world, especially the young black girls and Black women, we all go through some of the same experiences when it comes to love.  Love in the form of relationships and love in the form of self.  One could argue that is one in the same.  It’s a struggle, it is a fight, and you are not alone.  THAT is simply put what “Lemonade” is about.  Everyone will not understand the transparency and the message.  Those who do not understand may not have reached such layers because it is all about layers.  And let’s be clear this has nothing to do with whether or not you like Beyonce as an artist.  It is about understanding the message, in a nutshell LOVE IS DEEP!  But didn’t we already know this?  Well as a woman you evolve over time and began to see things differently.  As you grow you see and feel the woman’s plight, and then eventually realize rather than a plight it is a power like no other.  Maaaaan!!!  Let me just say it was so refreshing to see and hear someone say the things I’ve felt as of late.

I loved the transparency of “Lemonade,” so let me be transparent.  As a newly married woman in my early 30’s the pressures have been overwhelming.  I’ve been struggling some months now with understanding my place as a woman, a married woman, and prayerfully a mother in the future.  I’ve questioned, am I doing enough for myself personally and professionally; am I doing enough to be a good wife; am I doing enough to prepare for motherhood; will I be a good mother; am I making him happy; most importantly am I making Him happy?  As a Virgo I am already overly analytical, but these lingering feeling and thoughts feel different.  I am in a moment of fear and doubt.  It wasn’t something I could put into words, so I think this is why I was so touched by “Lemonade” because it was put into words for me.  Damn.  For those who do not understand, it is far from playing victim (people like to throw that around a lot), rather it is a process of understanding the pressures, or as I like to call, the root of evil.  Male-bashing??  If the truth is infidelity, then how is it male-bashing?  Rather there is a level of respect for a man who was unfaithful, eventually accountable, and in the end supports his woman who chooses to share her story.   That shows a man whose love for his woman (WIFE) is greater than his pride.  Ya’ll don’t hear me though (lol).  Back to my initial point, the pressures can kill you if you let them.  Women have to look to their faith of course, but it is also necessary for women to look to other women to get through.  We are a powerful being.  So if you get it, you know this movement of truth, “Lemonade,” was deeper than Beyonce the entertainer.  It was an artist, a woman, expressing and sharing her truth and the truth of so many women; Intuition; Denial, Anger, Apathy, Emptiness, Accountability, Reformation, Forgiveness, Resurrection, and Redemption.  “My torturer [LOVE] became my remedy” – love of self and love of companionship.  #Lemonade  

Powerball: Why I Didn’t Want My Spouse To Win


So now that the Powerball pandemonium is over, I can finally say what I’ve been thinking for so long.  No your eyes have not mislead you; you read the title correctly, I would not want my spouse to win Powerball.  Okay maybe it’s not that I don’t want him to win, but honestly I’d be a little fearful if he won.  Why fearful you ask?  Fearful because 1.5 billion dollars is a lot of money for an instant come-up.  I am fearful he would not know how to act and similarly I don’t know how I would act.  It is unfortunate, but reality is that money changes people; it changes people’s concept of what they need vs. what they want.  This change in people’s concept, in my opinion, is plain and simple GREED!  It is this change I refer to, that would make me fearful if my spouse won Powerball.

I know, I know, some of you may think I am absolutely crazy!!  So often I hear people say what they would or would not do if they won or inherited such a substantial amount of money.  Let’s be honest though, people have absolutely NO IDEA what they would do with 1.5 billion dollars!  If you say you would pay off your family’s debt or buy a mansion for your 2-3 person household, then that is why I say people have NO IDEA what they would do with 1.5 billion dollars.  According to ABC News, it is suggested for winners to first get a money management team and avoid making large purchases for at least six months to a year.  So if you plan to pay off your family’s debt or put a gold toilet in that new mansion, for example, then you’ll be broke before you know it. My belief is that until you are in it, you can’t speak on it.  Similarly, until you are in it, you don’t know how you will react to it.  Will you become a pompous jerk or someone who spends frivolously?  Will you lose the value of hard work and the simple life?  Or maybe it’s the flip side, maybe you’ll be smart with your earnings, yet charitable.  Maybe you understand that money is a benefit and not a guarantee of happiness.  So positives can occur from the inheritance of Powerball winnings, but you can’t fault me for being fearful.

As I mentioned previously, I am not only fearful of how my spouse will react to such large earnings, I too would be fearful of my actions.  As it is now I am no expert in money management, so I know if I won 1.5 billion dollars I wouldn’t have a clue of how to manage it.  My husband chuckled when I told him I didn’t want him to win Powerball.  I too chuckled when he said he would give me some of the Powerball winnings if he won.  Ha! That’s marital property now!!! Lol!  But seriously we love each other and I truly cannot imagine either one of us allowing money to distract our beliefs and family values.  However, I am always thinking ahead and considering the worst case scenario so c’est la vie.  I’m sure my thoughts may be rare, but I guess it doesn’t matter anyway since we didn’t win!  This is not the first Powerball and it will not be the last; I’ll root for my hubby on the next one lol.

 

RealiTea: Don’t Be Mad At The Happily Married Housewife Of Atlanta


Last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta was quite entertaining in typical Housewives fashion.  The episode had fashion (tacky or cute is left to be determined), instigation (Kenya as always is messy), and a meltdown (poor Kim just couldn’t get it together).  While the premise of last night’s episode did not venture far from what Housewives show is about, there was one theme that is fairly new.  The theme is Kim Fields and her happy marriage.  It is rare to see a happy marriage portrayed on The Real Housewives of anything, or at least a marriage that is not plagued with divorce or infidelity rumors.  It was quite refreshing for me, a newly married woman, to see a married woman who desired to be with her husband.  As for the flack that she received, I did not quite appreciate that.

Yes Kim was annoying with her crying spells and she may have some social issues to work on, but her heart was in the right place.  I am all for a girl’s trip and letting loose with the girls every now and then, but I think the issue for Kim was that she was on a girl’s trip with women who did notreal-housewives-of-atlanta-kim-fields relate to her situation.  Kim’s situation is a married woman with children, while the girls are single, married with marital issues, or married and pregnant.  Although they are all in different places in life, does that mean they cannot hang out?  Absolutely not, but for someone like Kim who is obviously devoted to her marriage and family, it may be uncomfortable to gallivant with strangers, especially men, take body shots, and be shady toward each other.  I get that piece of it.  I don’t necessarily agree with the idea of just sitting at the bar and not socializing or not at least trying to mingle with the girls and enjoy herself.

So while I may not have done things exactly the way Kim did or go into random spurts of tears, I understand how the outing may have been uncomfortable and not relatable for Kim.  Of course Kenya and some of the other ladies, with the exception of Cynthia and Phaedra, may not understand Kim being homesick, but I would not necessarily judge her for it.  I would agree that The Real Housewives of Atlanta may not be the place for Kim if she doesn’t allow herself to open up just a little, but it is lovely to see a happily married woman strong in her convictions on marriage.

paw_3650-xl

RealiTEA: #RHOA… More Like Desperate Housewife


rs_1024x759-150928071354-1024.rhoa-s8.ch.092815

The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) is back!!  If you watched the show last season, you noticed there have been a few cast changes; Sheree is back, well at least temporarily; Claudia is now an extra at Kenya’s product launch party; Kim Fields, is a new addition and so far sweet and comical; Nene is gone, for now (I think the cat is out of the bag that she will return in a dramatic fashion); and last but not least Porsha has reclaimed her peach as a housewife.  So there have been a few changes, good changes, with the exception of an absent Nene because let’s be real, she is the Real Housewives of Atlanta!  This tea is not about the cast changes so much, but rather one cast member in particular.  Now that Porsha Williams is back as a main peach, we’re seeing a lot more of her business ventures and personal life.  It is her personal life that brings me to this discussion because there has been quite a bit of gossip about Porsha’s new boyfriend, Buffalo Bills player Duke Williams.  I don’t know if they are still dating since the show was taped months ago, but their budding romance as it is portrayed on the show, has a lot of spectators talking.

In a nutshell the tea is that Porsha is dating a man who is speculated to be either gay or bisexual.  I’ll be honest, when I first caught a glimpse of Mr. Duke Williams on the show with Porsha, I immediately thought he was gay.  I won’t go in detail as to why I thought so, but I will say there was just something about him that prompted me to think he was not a straight man.  Since the first episode where viewers were introduced to RHOA-Star-Porsha-Williams-Confirms-Split-from-NFL-Player-Duke-Williams-54974-212Mr. Duke Williams, recent episodes show gossip headlines of Mr. Duke (my new nickname for him) in a sexual encounter with transgender model.  Talk about tea!!  What could one make of this revelation??  Well apparently for Porsha, such gossip does not seem to bother her, at least for now.  Some headlines insinuate the rendezvous happened while Porsha and Mr. Duke were dating, but the truth is I don’t think anyone truly knows when it happened or for that matter if it is true.  That is neither here nor there.  What immediately crossed my mind with this tea is whether or not I could date a man who had been with a transgender woman.  Personally this would be a deal-breaker for me; I would not be comfortable to move forward with dating someone knowing this information upfront or discovering it through the course of our courtship.  What are your thoughts on this tea?  Could you date someone who had been in a sexual encounter or relationship with a transgender?

In addition to the transgender news, another awkward scene was the going away party for Mr. Duke.  Porsha seemed so desperate to fast forward her relationship with Mr. Duke.  The comments Porsha made to the ladies about her plans for Mr. Duke, rather than with Mr. Duke was Erica-dixon-new-man-duke-williams-1004-4interesting.  There did not seem to be a connection with Mr. Duke himself, but rather a connection with the idea that they were ready to move forward, buy a house, and have babies.  Whaaat????  It was one thing to throw a going away party for your bae, but to use it as an opportunity for him to meet your family, without him being prepared, is just a desperate act.  The look on Mr. Duke’s face was priceless as Porsha guided him from one family member and friend to another.  The party has less to do with him going away, and more to do with Porsha showing off her new boo.  I thought Mr. Duke handled himself the best way he could because it had to be a tough predicament to be in.  What would you do?  How would you handle being thrown into a situation of “meet the parents?”

Share your thoughts or experiences related to this week’s RealiTea.   would love to hear from you!  Leave a comment below or email me at thedating3ds@gmail.com.  Guest writers are also welcome!

From Taboo 2 to I Do…The Countdown Begins!!!


Almost a year ago I shared one of the most amazing life experiences with you…the day I became engaged to the love of my life.  As you can imagine I have been super busy since then, which attributes to the lack of posts.  I can’t begin to tell you how appreciative I am of the new and old faithful followers who continue to comment and share how they miss my posts. 🙂  So definitely I wanted to take the time to share with you that today is the one month mark of my wedding date.  I couldn’t be more excited and anxious to embark on this new journey in my life!

It is hard to imagine I started this blog almost 5 years ago as a frustrated single woman tired and bored with the dating scene.  I used this format to share my personal dating experiences and as a forum to discuss general dating and relationship topics.  Although I’m no longer that frustrated single woman tired and bored with the dating scene, I still have opinions about the single-life and dating.  Now I’ll be able to share marital experiences and have open discussions about married life.  So no worries, the blog will continue and I have plans in the works for some changes in the future.  Stay tuned!  As always I love to hear from guest writers and I’d love to post your dating and relationship experiences.

Thanks for rockin with me yall!! 

The Holiday Serial Dater


A post from last year that remains true this year… Being a Holiday Serial Dater aka “Holidater,” is a Dating Don’t!! Happy Holidays 🙂

Dating Do's, Don'ts & Duh!!

Hello? Are you a man or woman who feels lonely during the holidays? Do you like inviting dates to holiday dinner? Do you bring women/men you casually date to holiday dinner? Do you bring a different date to holiday dinner every year? If you answered “Yes” to these questions, YOU ARE A HOLIDAY SERIAL DATER!! As a Holiday Serial Dater, you tend to bring whomever you are dating at the moment to holiday dinner. I thought this dating problem was appropriate since Thanksgiving is tomorrow and Christmas is approaching. So before you invite or bring your date to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, read this post in its entirety first. I hate to break this problem down to gender, but in my experience men tend to Holiday Serial Date so for the purposes of this post I will refer to men.

Family members of Holiday Serial Daters can predict a new person will attend dinner. “Here…

View original post 347 more words

Letting Go of Miss Independent


The concept ‘independent woman’ is an expression of women’s voice, our opinions, our personal/career goals, and that women should be equal to men.  The independent woman is in control.  This is the overall meaning of the phrase, but of course the meaning may differ depending on the woman.  The independent woman concept has its positives and negatives.  The positives are that women empower themselves and advocate for gender equality in areas such as employment and relationships.   The negative is that the concept now has feb-08-ymib-independent-woman1a negative undertone, one that challenges men.  “I can take care of myself and I don’t need a man for anything!”  “I can do what a man does, even better!”  “I work and pay the bills; I take care of everything!”  These are a few phrases I’ve heard over the years, and ones I am guilty of saying too.  Such phrases have also been harmonized in songs like Destiny’s Child “Independent Woman.”  The negative undertone can cause conflict between the “independent woman” and her love-life.

Ladies there is nothing wrong with being or attaining to be self-sufficient.  Men desire a woman who is self-sufficient.  Keep in mind, however, everyone needs help at some point.  Everyone wants companionship at some point.  Yes your girlfriend can be there for you when you need her, but there is nothing like the love and support from a significant other.  It is unrealistic to think a man will make you happy, and unnecessary to get wrapped up in society’s standards of marriage and family.  However, if you want a man, a real man and a successful relationship, letting go of ‘Ms. Independent Woman’ (a little bit) is necessary.  Be stern in your beliefs, but sometimes ladies we have to take a step back and let a man, be a man!  I can speak on this matter imagesbecause I am living it.  I was an independent woman who was in control of everything!  I paid the bills and took care of household duties.  What’s wrong with that right?  Well when you are in a relationship with a man who is an active participant, he doesn’t expect nor want you to take care of everything.  For example, he shouldn’t want you to take the trash out; that’s his responsibility.  He shouldn’t want you to lift heavy objects when he is able to do so.  He doesn’t like when he cleans the house, and his controlling girlfriend goes behind him to clean again because she has to be in control of how the man even cleans!!  I am guilty of this too!  (Ladies we know some men only surface clean, but we have to appreciate that they’re cleaning in the first place.)  Sometimes we have to let go of that control.  Some may call it sexist or perpetuating gender roles, but it is reality.  A man who wants to be in a relationship and loves his woman wants to share responsibilities, especially the responsibilities that women would normally call the maintenance man or AAA for.

In my experience, I was so deep into my single woman habits and independent woman mentality, that I didn’t know when or how to let go.  My father taught me about chivalry and demonstrated it with my mother, but it was not a qualification for the men I dated.  Therefore, I opened my own doors, took out my trash, and continued to call maintenance and AAA.  Such men don’t mind an independent woman because either they are not invested in the relationship enough to care or they are fine with a woman taking care of them.  Ladies don’t abandon your independent woman completely, but revert back to the concept’s original meaning of women empowerment.  Don’t useimages (1) the concept negatively to challenge men.  Stop saying “I don’t need a man to make me happy.’  Duh!!  Being happy is an emotion that should not be determined by the presence of ANY human being.  So enough with that phrase!!  Now let’s be real, a woman does not need a man, but a woman may want a man.  I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but there is a difference between ‘need’ and ‘want.’  Men are everywhere so a woman who needs a man has plenty of options, but a woman who wants a man is going to take her time for the right one.  Stop saying “I can take care of myself.”  Duh!! I would hope so!  There is nothing wrong with letting a man take care of you too, whether it be financially or emotionally.  As women we want to make sure we are not being controlled, but have to be receptive to good support.  We all need and want support.  Finally ladies, stop boastfully saying “I am an independent woman.”  You will either be independent/single long-term, or you will be an independent woman taking care of a dependent man!  I understand letting go of Ms. Independent Woman (even a little) may be a hard habit to break, which is a process I am still going through, but it is worth it in dating and relationships.  #DatingDo!