Simple

Powerball: Why I Didn’t Want My Spouse To Win


So now that the Powerball pandemonium is over, I can finally say what I’ve been thinking for so long.  No your eyes have not mislead you; you read the title correctly, I would not want my spouse to win Powerball.  Okay maybe it’s not that I don’t want him to win, but honestly I’d be a little fearful if he won.  Why fearful you ask?  Fearful because 1.5 billion dollars is a lot of money for an instant come-up.  I am fearful he would not know how to act and similarly I don’t know how I would act.  It is unfortunate, but reality is that money changes people; it changes people’s concept of what they need vs. what they want.  This change in people’s concept, in my opinion, is plain and simple GREED!  It is this change I refer to, that would make me fearful if my spouse won Powerball.

I know, I know, some of you may think I am absolutely crazy!!  So often I hear people say what they would or would not do if they won or inherited such a substantial amount of money.  Let’s be honest though, people have absolutely NO IDEA what they would do with 1.5 billion dollars!  If you say you would pay off your family’s debt or buy a mansion for your 2-3 person household, then that is why I say people have NO IDEA what they would do with 1.5 billion dollars.  According to ABC News, it is suggested for winners to first get a money management team and avoid making large purchases for at least six months to a year.  So if you plan to pay off your family’s debt or put a gold toilet in that new mansion, for example, then you’ll be broke before you know it. My belief is that until you are in it, you can’t speak on it.  Similarly, until you are in it, you don’t know how you will react to it.  Will you become a pompous jerk or someone who spends frivolously?  Will you lose the value of hard work and the simple life?  Or maybe it’s the flip side, maybe you’ll be smart with your earnings, yet charitable.  Maybe you understand that money is a benefit and not a guarantee of happiness.  So positives can occur from the inheritance of Powerball winnings, but you can’t fault me for being fearful.

As I mentioned previously, I am not only fearful of how my spouse will react to such large earnings, I too would be fearful of my actions.  As it is now I am no expert in money management, so I know if I won 1.5 billion dollars I wouldn’t have a clue of how to manage it.  My husband chuckled when I told him I didn’t want him to win Powerball.  I too chuckled when he said he would give me some of the Powerball winnings if he won.  Ha! That’s marital property now!!! Lol!  But seriously we love each other and I truly cannot imagine either one of us allowing money to distract our beliefs and family values.  However, I am always thinking ahead and considering the worst case scenario so c’est la vie.  I’m sure my thoughts may be rare, but I guess it doesn’t matter anyway since we didn’t win!  This is not the first Powerball and it will not be the last; I’ll root for my hubby on the next one lol.

 

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I’s Married Now!!!


August 2015 my life changed and the journey of married-life began.  I transitioned from Ms. to Mrs. in what seemed like 30 minutes (at least the ceremony part), but it definitely is a long-term change.  It has been three months since I married the love of my life and the question I am often asked now is, “How’s married life?”  What a question!!  I never really know how to answer that question.  I don’t mind the question at all, but sometimes the response I get after my answer is sometimes annoying.  If I say married-life is great, I may get the response “well you’re still in the honeymoon phase.”  I sometimes try to beat them to the punch and say married life is work but worth it, and I’ll get the response of “It is only the beginning; it is A LOT of work, sacrifice…,” blah blah blah.  So because of the feedback which has mostly been negative or alarming, unfortunately, I just say it’s great and move on.  Sometimes the responses are meant to be funny or typical 96d789f342e3bca5c138679ad5ec5772.600xmarriage banter which I too am guilty of, but then there are those who should not inflict their marital experience on me and mine (damnit! LoL). I am not one to shy away from relationship or marital advice, so that is not the issue at all.  However, I do not particularly like it when people are negative rather than constructive; if they have to give any feedback at all.  But I digress and I take it with a grain of salt.  I understand where the question stems from because I too have been guilty of asking questions or saying cliché statements in response to life events.  For example, I’ve asked couples when baby #1 or #2 are coming, which I since learned is a no-no and that is another conversation in itself, but for me it was just something to say.  However, let’s discuss it; is married-life really different from the committed relationship life?

Absolutely there is a difference, which prior to marriage I didn’t think there would be.  I always valued marriage and knew I wanted that to be the next step for me with the right person.  However, after being with someone for years, I thought marriage would be the same in regards to the transition.  However, marriage is like being a part of an organization, a prestigious organization.  It is an organization where different rules apply, it’s a title of the highest order, and more importantly an oath that was taken before God is to be upheld.  My husband and I were together 3 years before taking our vows and I thought it would be the same as we transitioned into married life, but it does feel different.  For me personally I had to make a few changes after getting married.  The first being changing my name.  I took my husband’s name and I will admit it was quite emotional.  For 31 years I was a ‘Middleton’ and now I took on a new name; a new identity of sorts.  I had to change my license, bank accounts, and get used to saying my new name.  Don’t get me wrong, I say my new name with pride and excitement, but the process of the name change was just that, a process.  In addition to a new name, my priorities changed because the rules of sorts have changed.

I take the vows I took before God very seriously, so yes my priorities have changed.  My relationship was a priority  previous to marriage, but marriage changes the dynamics.  I am now a WIFE!  That is a big deal and I am proud to have this title.  Maybe that should be my answer the next time someone asks me “How’s married life?”  I will respond, I AM A WIFE!! Lol!  I love being a part of the married “organization” and of course there is work involved, but what in life does not require work?  If you want success, you have to work for it.  Therefore, if you want a successful marriage, you have to work for it.  So how’s married life?  In a nutshell married-life is an honor, a lot of work, and a great “organization” to be a part of…with the right person of course!

Whether you are newly married or have been married for quite a while, please share your experiences and advice.  I’d love to hear from you!  Leave a comment below or email me at thedating3ds@gmail.com.  Guest writers are also welcome!

The Dating 3W’s – What Women Want


I hear it all too often that men do not know what women want, as if women are these foreign creatures that have such unrealistic expectations.  This couldn’t be farthest  from the truth.  I think men have such a hard time understanding women and our needs because they do not fathom what women have to endure.  Women are not foreign creatures, but we are emotional beings that deal with so many things a man could not possibly understand.  This is not to take away from what men go through, so fellas don’t get your boxers tied in knots! The purpose of this post is to solely address what women want.  I by no means represent the entire female population, but I would say generally this is what women want.  Fellas get ready to take notes…

Howt to keep a woman happy

What Women Really Want – Dating Do’s

Communication is key – yes women like to talk, so get over it.  We like to share our day, our thoughts, our hopes, and so much more with our mate.  Sometimes we like to vent to our mate; no feedback required.  All you have to do is be still for a moment and listen.  The more you listen daily, the shorter the conversations will be.

Show appreciation – In a world where women encounter inequalities, a little appreciation goes a long way.  Without naming the duties women have on a daily basis, I will just say, women do it all!! So is it too much to ask to show your women a little appreciation now and then?  It may seem cliché, but surprise her with flowers or whatever she likes, for no reason at all.  Plan a date night, buy her a mani and pedi, or just do something for your women that says “thank you!”

Make her feel special – I don’t care how much confidence a woman has, there is something special about your mate saying “you look beautiful today.” On average a women may get hit on or gawked at by another man at least 5 times a day…at least!!  Although they are told they look fine or maybe there are no words and a man just looks at her ass as she walks by, it is nice to hear sweet words from the one man she actually wants to hit on her and gawk at her.

Time is of the essence – A woman just wants to spend time with her man, and I’m talking quality time.  The week’s hustle and bustle may not cause for the time she may desire, so spend adequate time on your off days.  If in one month you can barely remember the last time you did something nice with her, you’re doing giving her what she wants; furthermore YOU should want to spend time with your woman.  Hellooooo!!!  Keep in mind, ‘time’ does not necessarily mean money, which means you do not have to spend a dime to spend time.  Whether its movie night or game night, it’s all about the time.

So this is it!  Fellas I’ve given you four basic things of what women really want and need.  Of course there may be more, especially depending on the woman you’re dealing with, but even the basics are not complicated.  So stop saying we are impossible to please!  We may have our moments, I won’t lie, but with these basics in mind you should be okay.  With that said, there will be a post in the near future about what women want/need during the time of the month.  It’s just one basic thing –  Don’t F*?k with her!!!  Haha!  Fellas by the time you read this post and the one soon to come, you will see just how simple women really are. 

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Chivalry Is Not Dead, But Women Are Killing It!!


If you couldn’t tell from the title alone, I am going to be frank on the subject of chivalry.  Let me first define chivalry; a male moral or social code of courteous behavior to the female counterpart.  Chivalry is best described by such actions as men opening and holding doors for women, a man giving up his seat to a woman when necessary, or a man pulling out a woman’s chair as they prepare to dine.  Chivalry are the niceties that men do to show women respect.  So often I hear “chivalry is dead” or “chivalry is a dying trend.”  I disagree with the first complaint because chivalry is definitely not dead, however the latter statement is true because women (and men) are responsible for the decline of chivalry.  I am not putting much emphasis on the responsibility of men, particularly because women we are leaders and as of late we have become too passive in this area.  Ladies before you judge and berate me for my opinion, let’s think about this for a second.  How many times have you been out with a man and stepped aside to allow him to open the door for you?  How many times have you waited at the car door (doesn’t matter what door) to have the man open the door for you?  How many times have you played a role in being passive to chivalry?

See I can ask these questions because I was the independent woman opening my own doors or pulling out my own chairs.  I was the woman who was with a man who didn’t attempt to open doors for me, but I didn’t call him on it and I allowed it to become the norm.  I was passive to chivalry.  It’s not that I didn’t know what chivalry was; my father taught me this a long time ago!  I had gotten so comfortable with being independent that the chivalrous behavior of men was an after thought.  I got to the car door, I naturally opened it and got in the car.  I got to the door first, I naturally opened the door and walked in.  If we went grocery shopping, I naturally grabbed some bags before going in the house.  All these things were so natural to me, but they were taking away the responsibilities of the man.  I was not setting high expectations of how I wanted and ought to be treated.  I didn’t think chivalry was a big deal.  However it is a big deal, and it is especially important to establish this in the initial dating phase.  Ladies, men will only do what you allow them to do.  It takes a caring and respectful man to address things you allow him to get away with, otherwise, some men won’t say a word and have the mentality “if she doesn’t care, then why should I?”  As leaders it is our responsibility to be assertive about what we want and expect, and what we will not settle for!

Now the other side of the argument is that the lines of what is chivalrous has become distorted by the ‘hollering’ and ‘game-spitting.’ (Damn I sound old)  The previous argument was mainly about chivalry in dating and relationships; it’s about setting expectations.  Here I am talking about strangers who’ve made it hard for women to judge if a man is just being chivalrous or being a pervert.  Some men are just chivalrous by nature regardless if they know you or not, but then you have those men who have a motive.  I’ve experienced a man who happens to being walking ahead of me purposefully slow down so that he can open the door for me to look at my butt.  I can imagine fellas playing devils advocate and saying “well how do you know he was trying to cop a peek?”  Fellas if you don’t know anything about women, know that women know when a man is being sneaky, when he’s trying to catch a peek, and when he’s about to say something sleazy, “damn you look good” or “hey sexy.”  Women can tell that stuff from a mile away and men do not know how to be discreet!  So yes I understand why some women are leery of men and do not allow them to be chivalrous.  I’ve had to tell a creepy man to “go ahead” and I take the door myself and walk in behind him to avoid feeling like an object as I walk past.  So fellas, if you are trying to be chivalrous and get an annoyed look from a woman, don’t take it personal, just understand she is not sure what your motive is and she encounters a lot of bullshit from men on a daily basis.  There are a lot of men who spend time talking game and being disrespectful, which makes it a little difficult to discern when a man is just being a gentleman.

The moral of the story is, allowing a man to be chivalrous is not a weakness for women.  It is not about emasculating women, and rather it is a sign of respect.  Ladies we have to take ownership of our actions and we deserve to be treated with respect.  Forget about this new modern way of thinking, which we sometimes over-analyze the simplest things.  For god-sake when did opening a door become sexist?  I am not telling you to teach a man to be chivalrous, but I am suggesting to set your expectations high and sometimes show him what you deserve.  Don’t be so quick to walk in front of him to get to the door first.  Walk by his side and allow him to open the door, and politely stand there if he does not.  He’ll get the point, but if it takes him too long to get it, then that’s not your job to teach him.  I only know this because I had to be reminded of this in my relationship.  Anytime I dare reach for a door or car door handle to let myself in, my boyfriend says “Oh so you’re feeling independent today huh” and immediately I move my hand and step aside.  I remember one particular time when an older man watched my boyfriend open my car door, and the man said to him “It’s nice to see a young man opening the door for his lady.”  It’s not that young men are not chivalrous and do not know how to act, it’s that women have allowed them to get away with being less than chivalrous.  Oh yeah and ladies stop complaining about the lack of chivalry if you contribute to the decline.  Instead, join me in reviving this dying trend and making a conscious effort to expect more and not settle for less! #DatingDo

Struggling With 30…


Almost two years ago I posted the article “The 28 Year Old Itch.”  At the time I was 28 and single, so the article addressed my concerns about approaching 30 and being single at 30.  “I [embrace] my age, but I [am] subconsciously concerned about being 30 and single and I [am] scared at how fast time is moving.  Let’s be real, no matter how strong and independent a woman is, she wants to love and be loved” (The 28 Year Old Itch).  About six months later I met the love of my life.  I love him and I am being loved.  Although my love life was blessed before 30 like I hoped, I still felt unsettled approaching my 30th birthday.

I turned 30 on August 28, 2013, and I can’t express to you how confused I was.  I was unhappy and dissatisfied with life.  Yes God gave me a great man to share life with, but I am 30 and not married.  Yes God helped me overcome tragedy, but I could be so much farther in life if tragedy didn’t occur.  Yes God blessed me with a roof over my head and money to pay the bills, but I’m supposed to have house by 30.  Yes God did and He is still doing for me, yet I am STILL not satisfied.  Why?  Society, which trickles down to family and friends, put so many expectations on women.  Women are supposed to get married, have 2.5 children, and have a career by the time they turn 30.  These expectations seeped into the subconscious level of my mind, and became my ‘To-do’ list.

I had so many emotions, and I beat myself up every day because I felt nothing I accomplished thus far was good enough.  I was depressed.  I wanted to be happy, but my thoughts would not allow me to be happy.  I read motivational quotes and stories in an attempt to rejuvenate my spirits, but my thoughts did not allow me to be motivated.  I was thinking too much!  Eventually I got to a point where I was tired of being tired, and I just let go.  I allowed myself to go through the motions and live day-to-day.  I stopped thinking about age, marriage, kids, my past, my present, my future, etc. I literally let go and let God.

It was refreshing to let my expectations go, let my fears go, let my disappointments go.  I felt so free when it happened.  I feel free!!  Words cannot describe how truly bad I felt at that time, and what a burden was lifted off me when I released everything!!  I feel like a different person.  My 30 journey is only a few months old, but I embrace my age and my new freedom.  If this is what 30 is, then I am all for it!  My sis recently told me so far her 30’s has been the best years of her life.  I am excited to see what God has in store for me.

I chose to share my struggle with 30 because I know there is a woman out there struggling with 30.  She may be approaching 30, she just turned 30, or she may just be in a slump.  She/You are not alone!  Whether you are single or married, stop setting expectations for what your life is supposed to be.  Enjoy life as it is!  Do not worry about things God has control of.  Love with common sense and live life simply; simplicity is everything!

I Suck At Rejection!!


Being single has helped me grow and reflect on myself in so many ways, and in my growth I realized I have a bad dating habit. My bad habit is I reject men in the worst possible way. More specifically I reject nice men in the worst possible way. My rejection comes in the form of silence. Yes silence! I will ignore phone calls, text messages, and emails (in some situations). It’s hard to reject the nice guy. Sure it’s easy to cuss a man out if he’s disrespectful, but it’s difficult to say “I’m not interested” to the man who’s done nothing but be nice. This is not a case of “nice guys finish last.” I’m not rejecting men because they’re ‘too nice.’ (I’m actually annoyed by women who say that.) Rather, this is about dating a nice guy whom I dated once or twice and for whatever reason we didn’t click. Sometimes the guy clicks, but I don’t, which makes rejecting him even more difficult. So I realized I’ve developed a method where I avoid all conversation by simply ignoring the guy. Although my goal is to avoid awkwardness, I now realize it’s not only awkward, but it’s rude and unnecessary. Previous to my childish game of ignoring the guy, I would try the sweet and gracefully bow-out. I’d tell the guy a cheesy rejection line in my sweetest voice, and gradually phone calls and texts would decrease. It was a nice transition, but sometimes the guy thought my sweet demeanor was either an invitation for friendship or an opportunity to try again in the future. He’ll call every so often just to “check up on me.” So since my sweet approach was unsuccessful, I reverted to the silent treatment. I’m ashamed, SMH!

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Dating Don’t: Don’t Be Thirsty!


Being in the single-life can sometimes be lonely. (Any single person who says differently is telling a lie!) It’s only natural for a single person going through a “lonely phase” to subconsciously act out in desperation. I’m giving some single folks the benefit of the doubt because there are singles who consciously act out in desperation. Either way they are being thirsty. ‘Thirsty’ is slang to describe one’s recklessness, haste, or eagerness for something. For the purposes of this post, ‘thirsty’ is the eagerness for companionship or sex. In dating, being ‘thirsty’ is a big FAIL! I know, because as I describe in the post “It’s Not Always What It Seems,” I was a bit thirsty. To my benefit, thank goodness, I did not act on my hasty thoughts. (Who knew I’d get so excited over a good conversation with man? FAIL!) In dating, the person being thirsted after becomes agitated and annoyed by the one who thirsts. (I hope I didn’t lose you.) There is only one reason for the person being thirsted after, to put up with the one who thirsts. (More confusion, I know lol.) The one reason is this:

He or she can get what they want from someone who is thirsty: A woman dealing with a thirsty man knows that he will be available at her beckon call, and he will probably do whatever or most of what she wants him to do. A man dealing with a thirsty woman knows he can tell her anything, and she’ll probably put up with his BS. He also knows he has an easier chance at having sex with a thirsty woman.

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