Selfish

Powerball: Why I Didn’t Want My Spouse To Win


So now that the Powerball pandemonium is over, I can finally say what I’ve been thinking for so long.  No your eyes have not mislead you; you read the title correctly, I would not want my spouse to win Powerball.  Okay maybe it’s not that I don’t want him to win, but honestly I’d be a little fearful if he won.  Why fearful you ask?  Fearful because 1.5 billion dollars is a lot of money for an instant come-up.  I am fearful he would not know how to act and similarly I don’t know how I would act.  It is unfortunate, but reality is that money changes people; it changes people’s concept of what they need vs. what they want.  This change in people’s concept, in my opinion, is plain and simple GREED!  It is this change I refer to, that would make me fearful if my spouse won Powerball.

I know, I know, some of you may think I am absolutely crazy!!  So often I hear people say what they would or would not do if they won or inherited such a substantial amount of money.  Let’s be honest though, people have absolutely NO IDEA what they would do with 1.5 billion dollars!  If you say you would pay off your family’s debt or buy a mansion for your 2-3 person household, then that is why I say people have NO IDEA what they would do with 1.5 billion dollars.  According to ABC News, it is suggested for winners to first get a money management team and avoid making large purchases for at least six months to a year.  So if you plan to pay off your family’s debt or put a gold toilet in that new mansion, for example, then you’ll be broke before you know it. My belief is that until you are in it, you can’t speak on it.  Similarly, until you are in it, you don’t know how you will react to it.  Will you become a pompous jerk or someone who spends frivolously?  Will you lose the value of hard work and the simple life?  Or maybe it’s the flip side, maybe you’ll be smart with your earnings, yet charitable.  Maybe you understand that money is a benefit and not a guarantee of happiness.  So positives can occur from the inheritance of Powerball winnings, but you can’t fault me for being fearful.

As I mentioned previously, I am not only fearful of how my spouse will react to such large earnings, I too would be fearful of my actions.  As it is now I am no expert in money management, so I know if I won 1.5 billion dollars I wouldn’t have a clue of how to manage it.  My husband chuckled when I told him I didn’t want him to win Powerball.  I too chuckled when he said he would give me some of the Powerball winnings if he won.  Ha! That’s marital property now!!! Lol!  But seriously we love each other and I truly cannot imagine either one of us allowing money to distract our beliefs and family values.  However, I am always thinking ahead and considering the worst case scenario so c’est la vie.  I’m sure my thoughts may be rare, but I guess it doesn’t matter anyway since we didn’t win!  This is not the first Powerball and it will not be the last; I’ll root for my hubby on the next one lol.

 

A Letter To My Son’s Mother…


A Letter to My Son’s Mother…
 
If I said I wish I never met you, that wouldn’t be totally accurate.  If we had never crossed paths that day in September 7 years ago, then I wouldn’t have come to know the most precious gift I have ever been given, my son.  I do wish however, that I never knew and could easily forget this evil, malicious, vindictive, stop at nothing to hurt me, woman you have become.  Never would I have imagined that it would come to this; us “fighting” over something that you know is so dear to me and I that I though was dear to you.  Yet you lead this charge and have me doing something unimaginable; having to prove in court the type of father I have always been and that you and so many others know that I have been.  
I was the father who stayed at home for almost 2 years to take care of our son.  The father who changed diapers, fed him around the clock so you could get some sleep, never missed a doctor’s appointment, fixed breakfast and lunch for his daycare so we could save money.  I taught him things, helped with homework and projects, and took him to and from school.  I even regularly brought him to your job so you could spend time with him on your lunch break or so you could take him around to your coworkers.  You NEVER had to worry about the care our son was getting.  Up until you put me out, that was the way it had been.  All of a sudden it is like none of this ever happened and I have gone from being an “excellent father” to a “freeloading, irresponsible, “deadbeat” in a matter of months.  How???  Why???  I haven’t even been able to understand it yet.  
Yes our marriage didn’t work and I have long accepted and made peace with the part I played in that.  I have to live with the fact that I failed as a husband, at keeping the family together and for the broken promises, hopes, plans, etc.  But I have not failed as a father to my son.  I understand your hurt, anger, disappointment, and I can’t apologize enough.  But it has absolutely nothing to do with our son or the things I have done for him and with him up to this point.  I have always played a MAJOR role in his life and you know that.  But this is your way to make me hurt as much as you do.  Forget husband and wife, this is mother and father, and I’ll never understand how a mother could slander and defame a father who has done nothing but be there and provide for his son as best I could.  My son and I have a bond which it is well-known you have always been jealous of, and that is mind-boggling.  
All the fathers who aren’t there for their kids for whatever reason, and I have always been there and this is what I get???  You can’t hurt me anymore than you already have just by your words in your petition alone.  Forget the ACS allegation, sending the police to my house under false pretenses, making it difficult for me to see my son. The things you wrote BURN because you and everybody else know that it is the furthest thing from the truth.  Those words attempt to obliterate what I have done as a father and I know the place from which those words came.  I never expected this from the woman I was once married to, and everyone is blindsided by your actions.  People who had a relationship with you be it my parents, sister, brother, grandmother, friends, and neighbors are dumbfounded by the things you continuously do to attempt to alienate me from my son.  
I don’t expect an apology from you, as that time has come and probably gone for me to even accept one, but I should never say never.  You have put me through so much with regards to my son and I guess your reasoning would be that I put you through so much during our marriage.  But was it really that bad to warrant what you have become???  Yes I was “consistently inconsistent” but I was always consistent with the love, care, time, and attention that I gave our son and that’s what it should continue to be about, regardless of how we ended up…
 
Troy

Letting Go of Miss Independent


The concept ‘independent woman’ is an expression of women’s voice, our opinions, our personal/career goals, and that women should be equal to men.  The independent woman is in control.  This is the overall meaning of the phrase, but of course the meaning may differ depending on the woman.  The independent woman concept has its positives and negatives.  The positives are that women empower themselves and advocate for gender equality in areas such as employment and relationships.   The negative is that the concept now has feb-08-ymib-independent-woman1a negative undertone, one that challenges men.  “I can take care of myself and I don’t need a man for anything!”  “I can do what a man does, even better!”  “I work and pay the bills; I take care of everything!”  These are a few phrases I’ve heard over the years, and ones I am guilty of saying too.  Such phrases have also been harmonized in songs like Destiny’s Child “Independent Woman.”  The negative undertone can cause conflict between the “independent woman” and her love-life.

Ladies there is nothing wrong with being or attaining to be self-sufficient.  Men desire a woman who is self-sufficient.  Keep in mind, however, everyone needs help at some point.  Everyone wants companionship at some point.  Yes your girlfriend can be there for you when you need her, but there is nothing like the love and support from a significant other.  It is unrealistic to think a man will make you happy, and unnecessary to get wrapped up in society’s standards of marriage and family.  However, if you want a man, a real man and a successful relationship, letting go of ‘Ms. Independent Woman’ (a little bit) is necessary.  Be stern in your beliefs, but sometimes ladies we have to take a step back and let a man, be a man!  I can speak on this matter imagesbecause I am living it.  I was an independent woman who was in control of everything!  I paid the bills and took care of household duties.  What’s wrong with that right?  Well when you are in a relationship with a man who is an active participant, he doesn’t expect nor want you to take care of everything.  For example, he shouldn’t want you to take the trash out; that’s his responsibility.  He shouldn’t want you to lift heavy objects when he is able to do so.  He doesn’t like when he cleans the house, and his controlling girlfriend goes behind him to clean again because she has to be in control of how the man even cleans!!  I am guilty of this too!  (Ladies we know some men only surface clean, but we have to appreciate that they’re cleaning in the first place.)  Sometimes we have to let go of that control.  Some may call it sexist or perpetuating gender roles, but it is reality.  A man who wants to be in a relationship and loves his woman wants to share responsibilities, especially the responsibilities that women would normally call the maintenance man or AAA for.

In my experience, I was so deep into my single woman habits and independent woman mentality, that I didn’t know when or how to let go.  My father taught me about chivalry and demonstrated it with my mother, but it was not a qualification for the men I dated.  Therefore, I opened my own doors, took out my trash, and continued to call maintenance and AAA.  Such men don’t mind an independent woman because either they are not invested in the relationship enough to care or they are fine with a woman taking care of them.  Ladies don’t abandon your independent woman completely, but revert back to the concept’s original meaning of women empowerment.  Don’t useimages (1) the concept negatively to challenge men.  Stop saying “I don’t need a man to make me happy.’  Duh!!  Being happy is an emotion that should not be determined by the presence of ANY human being.  So enough with that phrase!!  Now let’s be real, a woman does not need a man, but a woman may want a man.  I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but there is a difference between ‘need’ and ‘want.’  Men are everywhere so a woman who needs a man has plenty of options, but a woman who wants a man is going to take her time for the right one.  Stop saying “I can take care of myself.”  Duh!! I would hope so!  There is nothing wrong with letting a man take care of you too, whether it be financially or emotionally.  As women we want to make sure we are not being controlled, but have to be receptive to good support.  We all need and want support.  Finally ladies, stop boastfully saying “I am an independent woman.”  You will either be independent/single long-term, or you will be an independent woman taking care of a dependent man!  I understand letting go of Ms. Independent Woman (even a little) may be a hard habit to break, which is a process I am still going through, but it is worth it in dating and relationships.  #DatingDo!

How To Tell If She’s Pulling Your String


In Monday’s post “Stop Stringing Him Along,” I talked about the “just in case” dude. As mentioned in the post, this is the man (dude) that a woman may hold on to just in case she’s lonely, just in case she’s rejected by her real love interest, and the list goes on. I advised the ladies to stop stringing men along, however at the end of the post I asked “Do men know the signs when a woman is uninterested or are they settling?” I can imagine a group of men answering these questions differently, especially depending on the woman they’re dating. A woman can be a great actress and act interested, but in reality she is just stringing him along. In dealing with an actress, men are not at fault for being the ‘just in case” dude. The men that should know better, are the ones with women who are giving clear signs that she is uninterested. I agree that women should be honest and tell men what’s really going on, but unfortunately it’s the nature of the game. Men just have to filter out the women that play the game, and they can start by knowing the signs. So fellas listen up!

You know you’re the “just in case” dude when…

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Stop Stringing Him Along


Ladies why do we string men along? You know what I’m talking about! We have the one guy who we adore, but we’re not quite sure about yet. Then we have the other guy who we really don’t care for, but he does nice things. Every situation is different, obviously, but we’ve all been in a situation where we held on to a man because we knew we could. A friend of mine, who kindly allowed me to talk about her experience, recently had this predicament with two men she dated. One man, let’s call him “Ricky,” she was very much interested in. She talked about him all the time, she was affectionate with him, and would be in a relationship with him in a heart beat. Then there’s “Brian,” who she barely mentioned, she kissed him twice within five months, and would drop him in a heart beat if “Ricky” wanted to be in a relationship. So why string “Brian” along if she is uninterested? For women in general the reasons vary , but one thing is clear. “Brian” and men in his situation are the “just in case” dude. For example, Brian is there just in case things don’t work out with “Ricky.” Just in case she is bored on a Saturday night. Just in case she feels down and needs to feel desired and wanted by somebody, anybody. I’m sure there are more reasons why women string men along “just in case,” but these are the few I’ve observed or personally experienced. Yes I am guilty of it too! Some women intend to string men along, however, there are women, like myself, who don’t do it purposefully. Either way ladies, it is a Dating Don’t!

A while back I found myself stringing a “Brian” along, and the end result was bad…for him. He was the nicest man I dated since I’d become single. He was gentleman, considerate, family oriented, and ambitious. An established professional with his own place, no children, and never married. Sounds like a dream man huh? Well naturally there were a few snags. We didn’t share the same interests, he was a know-it-all, and I simply was not attracted to him. Unfortunately he suffered from the Cornball Syndrome. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I was not immediately honest with him about my feelings. Why? I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about three months prior to dating him and I was feeling down, so I held on to him “just in case” I needed to feel desired and wanted by somebody, anybody. Sounds awful I know. I also continued to date him because I was trying to convince myself to stick it out because he at least possessed some of the qualities I looked for in a mate. So what if he didn’t make me laugh, what’s the big deal if he was a know-it-all, and everything I said became a “who’s right and who’s wrong” battle? Why should it bother me if he’s thirty-eight, but still dresses like he’s sixteen? I was holding on “just in case” my feelings changed. They never did. Eventually I realized I was being selfish. While I wasted time justifying why I should hold on to him, his feelings for me were growing. We were on two different levels. The situation was unfair to him and to myself. He was thinking about a relationship and traveling together, and I was wondering if I could tolerate his boring personality. I should have been honest a lot sooner.

Ladies it doesn’t take long to know whether or not you are interested in a man. It also doesn’t take long to know what type of man you are dating. If the two of you are just “having a good time,” then no harm will be done. Feelings can be hurt however, if you date a man knowing he is more interested in you, than you are in him. Women know what to say to string a man along and there comes a time to stop playing games, especially if you are a certain age. It is only a waste of time. The more time spent with a man you don’t like, is time spent away from meeting someone you may like. It’s not any better than settling, and why settle? Be real with men and be true to yourselves. Release the strings!

*On the contrary, I often wonder if the “just in case” dude knows their woman is not interested. Do these men know the signs when a woman is not interested or are they settling too? Hmm this may be a discussion for a later post. To be continued…

I Thee Wed…With A Hyphen


Ladies listen up! Did you know there are rules in marriage? Yes you heard me right, I said rules! I’ve never been married, so of course my perception of marriage is from the outside looking in, however, I thought I would have at least heard about the rules. If you are just as oblivious as I was about these rules, then allow me to give you the scoop. I had the pleasure of talking to a few men, who will remain nameless ;), about dating and relationships. They so passionately informed me about at least one rule in marriage. No it’s not an obvious “no cheating” rule. It’s actually a lot less complicated than that, or at least I think so. One important rule in marriage, according to “these men,” is that a woman must change her last name when getting married. Now I know you’re probably saying “Duh I already knew that!” What you did not know, however, is that you are NOT allowed to hyphenate your name if you want to…of course that’s according to “these men.” Hyphens break the rule in marriage. Yes ladies it is so simple! Take your husbands name in its entirety and all will be well. Sooo can you guess what I think about this rule? It’s BULLSHIT!!!

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