RealiTea: Don’t Be Mad At The Happily Married Housewife Of Atlanta

Last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta was quite entertaining in typical Housewives fashion.  The episode had fashion (tacky or cute is left to be determined), instigation (Kenya as always is messy), and a meltdown (poor Kim just couldn’t get it together).  While the premise of last night’s episode did not venture far from what Housewives show is about, there was one theme that is fairly new.  The theme is Kim Fields and her happy marriage.  It is rare to see a happy marriage portrayed on The Real Housewives of anything, or at least a marriage that is not plagued with divorce or infidelity rumors.  It was quite refreshing for me, a newly married woman, to see a married woman who desired to be with her husband.  As for the flack that she received, I did not quite appreciate that.

Yes Kim was annoying with her crying spells and she may have some social issues to work on, but her heart was in the right place.  I am all for a girl’s trip and letting loose with the girls every now and then, but I think the issue for Kim was that she was on a girl’s trip with women who did notreal-housewives-of-atlanta-kim-fields relate to her situation.  Kim’s situation is a married woman with children, while the girls are single, married with marital issues, or married and pregnant.  Although they are all in different places in life, does that mean they cannot hang out?  Absolutely not, but for someone like Kim who is obviously devoted to her marriage and family, it may be uncomfortable to gallivant with strangers, especially men, take body shots, and be shady toward each other.  I get that piece of it.  I don’t necessarily agree with the idea of just sitting at the bar and not socializing or not at least trying to mingle with the girls and enjoy herself.

So while I may not have done things exactly the way Kim did or go into random spurts of tears, I understand how the outing may have been uncomfortable and not relatable for Kim.  Of course Kenya and some of the other ladies, with the exception of Cynthia and Phaedra, may not understand Kim being homesick, but I would not necessarily judge her for it.  I would agree that The Real Housewives of Atlanta may not be the place for Kim if she doesn’t allow herself to open up just a little, but it is lovely to see a happily married woman strong in her convictions on marriage.



I’s Married Now!!!

August 2015 my life changed and the journey of married-life began.  I transitioned from Ms. to Mrs. in what seemed like 30 minutes (at least the ceremony part), but it definitely is a long-term change.  It has been three months since I married the love of my life and the question I am often asked now is, “How’s married life?”  What a question!!  I never really know how to answer that question.  I don’t mind the question at all, but sometimes the response I get after my answer is sometimes annoying.  If I say married-life is great, I may get the response “well you’re still in the honeymoon phase.”  I sometimes try to beat them to the punch and say married life is work but worth it, and I’ll get the response of “It is only the beginning; it is A LOT of work, sacrifice…,” blah blah blah.  So because of the feedback which has mostly been negative or alarming, unfortunately, I just say it’s great and move on.  Sometimes the responses are meant to be funny or typical 96d789f342e3bca5c138679ad5ec5772.600xmarriage banter which I too am guilty of, but then there are those who should not inflict their marital experience on me and mine (damnit! LoL). I am not one to shy away from relationship or marital advice, so that is not the issue at all.  However, I do not particularly like it when people are negative rather than constructive; if they have to give any feedback at all.  But I digress and I take it with a grain of salt.  I understand where the question stems from because I too have been guilty of asking questions or saying cliché statements in response to life events.  For example, I’ve asked couples when baby #1 or #2 are coming, which I since learned is a no-no and that is another conversation in itself, but for me it was just something to say.  However, let’s discuss it; is married-life really different from the committed relationship life?

Absolutely there is a difference, which prior to marriage I didn’t think there would be.  I always valued marriage and knew I wanted that to be the next step for me with the right person.  However, after being with someone for years, I thought marriage would be the same in regards to the transition.  However, marriage is like being a part of an organization, a prestigious organization.  It is an organization where different rules apply, it’s a title of the highest order, and more importantly an oath that was taken before God is to be upheld.  My husband and I were together 3 years before taking our vows and I thought it would be the same as we transitioned into married life, but it does feel different.  For me personally I had to make a few changes after getting married.  The first being changing my name.  I took my husband’s name and I will admit it was quite emotional.  For 31 years I was a ‘Middleton’ and now I took on a new name; a new identity of sorts.  I had to change my license, bank accounts, and get used to saying my new name.  Don’t get me wrong, I say my new name with pride and excitement, but the process of the name change was just that, a process.  In addition to a new name, my priorities changed because the rules of sorts have changed.

I take the vows I took before God very seriously, so yes my priorities have changed.  My relationship was a priority  previous to marriage, but marriage changes the dynamics.  I am now a WIFE!  That is a big deal and I am proud to have this title.  Maybe that should be my answer the next time someone asks me “How’s married life?”  I will respond, I AM A WIFE!! Lol!  I love being a part of the married “organization” and of course there is work involved, but what in life does not require work?  If you want success, you have to work for it.  Therefore, if you want a successful marriage, you have to work for it.  So how’s married life?  In a nutshell married-life is an honor, a lot of work, and a great “organization” to be a part of…with the right person of course!

Whether you are newly married or have been married for quite a while, please share your experiences and advice.  I’d love to hear from you!  Leave a comment below or email me at  Guest writers are also welcome!

From Taboo 2 to I Do…The Countdown Begins!!!

Almost a year ago I shared one of the most amazing life experiences with you…the day I became engaged to the love of my life.  As you can imagine I have been super busy since then, which attributes to the lack of posts.  I can’t begin to tell you how appreciative I am of the new and old faithful followers who continue to comment and share how they miss my posts. 🙂  So definitely I wanted to take the time to share with you that today is the one month mark of my wedding date.  I couldn’t be more excited and anxious to embark on this new journey in my life!

It is hard to imagine I started this blog almost 5 years ago as a frustrated single woman tired and bored with the dating scene.  I used this format to share my personal dating experiences and as a forum to discuss general dating and relationship topics.  Although I’m no longer that frustrated single woman tired and bored with the dating scene, I still have opinions about the single-life and dating.  Now I’ll be able to share marital experiences and have open discussions about married life.  So no worries, the blog will continue and I have plans in the works for some changes in the future.  Stay tuned!  As always I love to hear from guest writers and I’d love to post your dating and relationship experiences.

Thanks for rockin with me yall!! 

Cohabiting Before Marriage – Do’s & Don’ts!!

I remember when “Martin” the TV series first aired in 1992. There was controversy around the television show because it was the first time viewers watched an unmarried couple cohabiting. My family at the time thought the  idea of cohabiting was fopaux. How dare people of the opposite sex, who are obviously having sex, live together before marriage? My parents went as far to ban my brother and I from watching the disgusting show. Needless to say we always found a way to watch it, and eventually all the hoopla was forgotten (“Martin” was hilarious!!). Considering how society has changed, cohabiting mates are understood and sometimes even encouraged. I can’t say my parents have become fans of the idea, but it’s one of those things they’ve learned to deal with. Naturally parents, especially old-school parents, have a concern that living together eliminates the thought of marriage. In their minds, or at least the minds of my parents, their especially concerned about males eliminating the thought of marriage. True???

A couple who considers cohabiting should also consider marriage, if that is what either the couple desires or one party desires. If a couple has not discussed marriage, or if one party is opposed to marriage, cohabiting is probably not the best idea.

I’ve heard folks say that living together before marriage will help couples realize they actually didn’t like their mate, let alone want to spend the rest of their lives with them. My theory is, cohabiting works for some but not for all. To each his or her own. I must say that it’s working for me as my boyfriend and I decided to live together a few months ago. It’s been a refreshing experience that’s helped me realize how much I love him, but also it’s allowed me to learn so much about myself.

I guess this post is for those who are thinking about cohabiting with their mate, but are unsure. Allow me to enlighten you with a few lessons I’ve already learned.


The Proposal: Why SHE Shouldn’t Propose

Last week I heard plenty of conversation about VH1’s Love & Hip Hop, and the proposal between Chrissy Lampkin and her fiance, rapper Jim Jones. The discussion wasn’t so much about the engagement itself, rather it was about the proposal. Chrissy proposed to Jim Jones. I don’t usually watch Love & Hip Hop, but I did watch the “proposal episode” to understand the dynamics of Chrissy and Jim Jones’ relationship. With all the discussion surrounding the proposal, the obvious questions arose, “Should a woman propose to a man?” Here is my take on Chrissy’s proposal, and women proposing to men in general.

After watching the “proposal episode” in its entirety, I was baffled as to why Chrissy thought her relationship was in a good place for an engagement at all. In the events leading up to the proposal, she makes the statements “Jimmy acts immature, maybe he’s not ready, he’s not responsible.” Chrissy verbalized all of the reasons why she shouldn’t get engaged or married, yet she proposes to “Jimmy” anyway. I’m not saying Jim Jones isn’t a good guy or a good boyfriend (I’ve only watched a twenty-minute clip of their relationship), but I think it speaks volumes that Chrissy and Jim have been together eight years and HE still hasn’t proposed. Chrissy stated that in the past she’s had to take control in their relationship, and this was another time she felt the need to take control. WRONG!!! She’s basically saying if he won’t do it, it will never happen. Proposal has nothing to do with control, but everything to do with timing and commitment. Jim Jones was not ready to be engaged to Chrissy, nor married, which is why he hadn’t proposed after eight years! I can bet any amount of money that an engagement to Chrissy was probably the last thing on his mind. That’s not to say Jim Jones doesn’t love Chrissy and care for her, but after eight years of co-habitation and a comfortable lifestyle, marriage is probably not a factor. I thought Chrissy made one, only one, wise decision regarding the proposal, and that was her decision not to perform a burlesque dance before the proposal. Really?? The “proposal episode” annoyed me beyond belief! I was annoyed that a grown woman still couldn’t see the dynamics of her own relationship after eight years. Jim Jones appears to be the type of man to put everything out in the open. I’m sure over the years he’s made it very clear who he is and what his priorities are. It’s obvious that marriage was not one of them.

Chrissy is not the first woman, nor will she be the last to propose to her boyfriend. Should women propose to their man? I say absolutely not! I’m not an expert on gender roles, and I can’t say I have a strong opinion on the recent societal discussions about gender roles, but I do believe a man should propose to a woman. Let a man be a man! Women have accomplished a lot in their fight for independence, respect, and the same rights as men, but that does not mean women have to dominate the roles of men. Some women might argue “why do women have to wait for men to get married?” Women don’t have to wait for anything!! If a man has made it clear he’s not ready for marriage, and a woman is ready, then that woman has a decision to make. She can either stay in the relationship to see where it goes, or she can leave. Yes a woman can leave a relationship! The problem is that some women are scared to leave, which is why they end up in uncommitted eight year relationships like Chrissy. Some couples make a conscious decision to avoid marriage, but when you have one half that wants to get married, after a certain period of time together (eight years for example), it’s called settling. I know someone who’s been in a relationship for over ten years, and she’s made the statement “if he doesn’t put a ring on it by the end of this year, I’m leaving.” No she’s not! She’s been settling for so long. If her man doesn’t do a damn thing different from what he’s done for the past 10+ years, she’s going to do the same thing she’s always done – deal with it! I don’t believe women should give ultimatums for marriage, nor do I believe women should lie to themselves. Ladies a man can be with a woman for years, but she still may not be “the one.” Instead of proposing to men, women should ask themselves “Why hasn’t he proposed and is he worth waiting for?”

>>>>>>>>Click here to watch Episode 6, The Proposal: Love & Hip Hop<<<<<<<<<