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RealiTEA: #RHOA… More Like Desperate Housewife


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The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) is back!!  If you watched the show last season, you noticed there have been a few cast changes; Sheree is back, well at least temporarily; Claudia is now an extra at Kenya’s product launch party; Kim Fields, is a new addition and so far sweet and comical; Nene is gone, for now (I think the cat is out of the bag that she will return in a dramatic fashion); and last but not least Porsha has reclaimed her peach as a housewife.  So there have been a few changes, good changes, with the exception of an absent Nene because let’s be real, she is the Real Housewives of Atlanta!  This tea is not about the cast changes so much, but rather one cast member in particular.  Now that Porsha Williams is back as a main peach, we’re seeing a lot more of her business ventures and personal life.  It is her personal life that brings me to this discussion because there has been quite a bit of gossip about Porsha’s new boyfriend, Buffalo Bills player Duke Williams.  I don’t know if they are still dating since the show was taped months ago, but their budding romance as it is portrayed on the show, has a lot of spectators talking.

In a nutshell the tea is that Porsha is dating a man who is speculated to be either gay or bisexual.  I’ll be honest, when I first caught a glimpse of Mr. Duke Williams on the show with Porsha, I immediately thought he was gay.  I won’t go in detail as to why I thought so, but I will say there was just something about him that prompted me to think he was not a straight man.  Since the first episode where viewers were introduced to RHOA-Star-Porsha-Williams-Confirms-Split-from-NFL-Player-Duke-Williams-54974-212Mr. Duke Williams, recent episodes show gossip headlines of Mr. Duke (my new nickname for him) in a sexual encounter with transgender model.  Talk about tea!!  What could one make of this revelation??  Well apparently for Porsha, such gossip does not seem to bother her, at least for now.  Some headlines insinuate the rendezvous happened while Porsha and Mr. Duke were dating, but the truth is I don’t think anyone truly knows when it happened or for that matter if it is true.  That is neither here nor there.  What immediately crossed my mind with this tea is whether or not I could date a man who had been with a transgender woman.  Personally this would be a deal-breaker for me; I would not be comfortable to move forward with dating someone knowing this information upfront or discovering it through the course of our courtship.  What are your thoughts on this tea?  Could you date someone who had been in a sexual encounter or relationship with a transgender?

In addition to the transgender news, another awkward scene was the going away party for Mr. Duke.  Porsha seemed so desperate to fast forward her relationship with Mr. Duke.  The comments Porsha made to the ladies about her plans for Mr. Duke, rather than with Mr. Duke was Erica-dixon-new-man-duke-williams-1004-4interesting.  There did not seem to be a connection with Mr. Duke himself, but rather a connection with the idea that they were ready to move forward, buy a house, and have babies.  Whaaat????  It was one thing to throw a going away party for your bae, but to use it as an opportunity for him to meet your family, without him being prepared, is just a desperate act.  The look on Mr. Duke’s face was priceless as Porsha guided him from one family member and friend to another.  The party has less to do with him going away, and more to do with Porsha showing off her new boo.  I thought Mr. Duke handled himself the best way he could because it had to be a tough predicament to be in.  What would you do?  How would you handle being thrown into a situation of “meet the parents?”

Share your thoughts or experiences related to this week’s RealiTea.   would love to hear from you!  Leave a comment below or email me at thedating3ds@gmail.com.  Guest writers are also welcome!

From Taboo to “I Do”


It’s been almost 6 months since my last post, and I have so much to share.  My last post was about chivalry and how women contribute to its decline.  Well that post and many others referenced personal experiences and dating/relationship lessons learned.  Well just as I’ve shared my dating and relationship experiences in the past, I want to share with you now that I recently got ENGAGED!!!  I couldn’t be more happy to embark on this new journey in my life.  I remember when I first wrote about meeting my fiance (Single Men Without Baggage…They Do Exist!!!) and as much as I can say I knew something was different about him, the encounter was all in God’s plan.  So allow me to tell you about our love story since in the aforementioned post I only briefly discuss our meeting at the end of the post.  If you are not familiar with my dating experiences and advice, there is always a message or lesson to take away.  So here goes…

May 12, 2012 was a Saturday night, and after an eventful Friday night out with the girls, I was not in the mood to hang out again.  My friend Jasmine called ready to meet up with friends to hang out and after a little coercion, I decided to go.  The place was called Taboo 2 and the music was good, but the environment fell short.  No literally every man in the place seemed shorter than me (no offense but tall men are my preference) and a lot of them wanted to talk to me and my friend.  We had fun though, danced, drank, and chilled.  In the moment of a drink re-up and while a guy was talking my ear off, there he was.  He was a friend of the guy talking my ear off and he interjected a couple of times to hurry his friend along.  Little did he know, he was saving me, but what caught my attention more than anything was his smile.  During his interjections he made small talk and smiled here and there.  I’ll admit the smile got me and after his friend finally got out of my ear, I felt compelled to speak to him.  Now I never approach men so I can’t begin to tell you what came over me in that moment, but I calmly approached him and said “I really want to talk to you.”  Because his friend just tried to talk to me, it felt a little awkward, but I didn’t care.  He of course did not want to step on his friend’s toes, so a little while after he found me, said his PhotoGrid_1410757026623name was Cee and slid me his number to give him a call.

I called Cee the next day and we talked for hours.  It was the most refreshing conversation!!! Of course we got to know each other and went through the typical first encounter questions, where are you from; what do you do; how many siblings do you have; etc.  Aside from that the conversation was so much more and that was very important to me.  From that first conversation, the rest is history.  We connected on a deeper level and the next thing you know we were in a relationship, then living together, and introducing each other to family members.  It all happened so fast, but it felt so right.  A cousin of mine feared we were moving too fast and I would get hurt and I distinctly remember telling her I am so confident in my feelings that I’m okay if it doesn’t work out and I fall flat on my face!  I wasn’t naive, but I had faith because he brought something different to the table.  We strengthened each other in many ways.  In the early stages of our relationship Cee suffered the loss of his mother which I discussed in the post “Strength of a Woman…Breast Cancer Awareness.”  It was a very trying time to see the man I love suffer in such a way and no matter how I tried, I could not make the pain go away.  It was difficult and took time and healing, but the experience brought us closer and confirmed that we can get through the tough times.

In two years we had experienced the good, the great, the bad, and the ugly of a relationship.  Some of the experiences did not have to do with us as a couple, rather it was life lessons, individual growth, and healing.  I always knew Cee was the one, so as surprised as I was when he proposed on August 9, 2014, I was confident to say “YES!”  It was the most precious moment in my life thus far as he proposed to me in front of over 150 of my family members at my family reunion.  Family is so important to me and it was beautiful he made the moment so special for me.  I am truly happy and I cannot wait to become his Mrs.!!!  So my love story may be a bit taboo to some because I approached him and I called him first.  I went against the grain and played by MY rule book.  It is okay to follow your gut sometimes, but be realistic and prepare yourself if the outcome is not what you expected.  I can’t begin to explain to you how confident I felt that night and the days after we met, but it was a great feeling.  Now my cousin laughs and we reminisce about the conversations we had when I first told her about Cee and our budding relationship.  Sometimes you just know…and I knew it!!  

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(Don’t laugh at my ugly cry 🙂 )

It’s Not Always What It Seems…


In previous posts I’ve shared my bad and absolutely worst dating experiences, and I’ve shared some dating tips. However, in this post I want to share a dating experience, or rather an encounter, that left me feeling puzzled. This time I need your dating tips. This is the situation…

Last weekend my girlfriend and I went to a local lounge for drinks where I met a guy named “Eric.” As I ordered a drink from the bar, Eric asked what I was drinking. I responded “Rum and Coke,” and from there the conversation took off. Eric said he and a friend came to support another friend, who is the owner of the lounge. We each discussed how we don’t go out as often as we did in our late teens and early twenties. At this point we talked about age, and he is 38 years old. We discovered our birthdays are three days apart. He asked if I had children. I replied “No,” and he said “You’re a rare commodity.” I also asked him about children, and he said “No,” which I of course say “No you’re the rare commodity.” (I do apologize for giving a play-by-play on the conversation with Eric, but I am trying to set the scene. Bare with me.) We discussed the desire to wait until marriage to have children, and if luck doesn’t have it, we at least hoped to be in a serious relationship. An in-depth conversation ensued about the possibility of not getting married, and whether or not I’d consider adoption or artificial insemination. It was a very interesting discussion. Although it may appear as a very serious conversation, it was quite the opposite. He complimented my smile and my eyes. We laughed, joked, and I thought we had chemistry.

The conversation led to the economy and employment. Eric mentioned he works two jobs and said “I have to work hard to support myself. It’s just me.” I replied something like “I agree. No one else will do it for you, so you have to support yourself.” After I made that statement, the conversation went LEFT! Eric said “You know because although I’m in a relationship, a serious relationship, we don’t live together, so I have to support myself.” Here is where I was puzzled. The conversation continued, which he talked about his girlfriend for what felt like five minutes. Finally my friend gestured it was time to leave, so Eric and I shook hands, and say goodbye.

The encounter with Eric puzzled me because the conversation was personal and I thought he randomly brought up the girlfriend. I assume in his mind he was merely having a conversation with me. However, in my mind I thought I was having a conversation with intentions to keep in touch or possibly go out in the near future. Like I said previously, I thought we had chemistry. Now I’m not sure what it was. The experience was an eye-opener because it was the first time a man sparked a conversation at a lounge, without intentions to date. I hope I don’t sound snootie, but I’m being honest. Of course I’ve had conversations with men without expectations, but the setting and circumstances were far different. I appreciated his acknowledgement of his relationship, his serious relationship, but I thought it was random in that moment. I didn’t know if he was putting me off. Am I looking too much into the situation? What do you think? Was it weird for a man in a serious relationship to spark such a conversation, or is it a lesson that men who are interested in getting to know me, may not be interested in dating me? (Damn that sounds snootie lol.) What I mean is, was it just conversation??

How To Tell If She’s Pulling Your String


In Monday’s post “Stop Stringing Him Along,” I talked about the “just in case” dude. As mentioned in the post, this is the man (dude) that a woman may hold on to just in case she’s lonely, just in case she’s rejected by her real love interest, and the list goes on. I advised the ladies to stop stringing men along, however at the end of the post I asked “Do men know the signs when a woman is uninterested or are they settling?” I can imagine a group of men answering these questions differently, especially depending on the woman they’re dating. A woman can be a great actress and act interested, but in reality she is just stringing him along. In dealing with an actress, men are not at fault for being the ‘just in case” dude. The men that should know better, are the ones with women who are giving clear signs that she is uninterested. I agree that women should be honest and tell men what’s really going on, but unfortunately it’s the nature of the game. Men just have to filter out the women that play the game, and they can start by knowing the signs. So fellas listen up!

You know you’re the “just in case” dude when…

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Stop Stringing Him Along


Ladies why do we string men along? You know what I’m talking about! We have the one guy who we adore, but we’re not quite sure about yet. Then we have the other guy who we really don’t care for, but he does nice things. Every situation is different, obviously, but we’ve all been in a situation where we held on to a man because we knew we could. A friend of mine, who kindly allowed me to talk about her experience, recently had this predicament with two men she dated. One man, let’s call him “Ricky,” she was very much interested in. She talked about him all the time, she was affectionate with him, and would be in a relationship with him in a heart beat. Then there’s “Brian,” who she barely mentioned, she kissed him twice within five months, and would drop him in a heart beat if “Ricky” wanted to be in a relationship. So why string “Brian” along if she is uninterested? For women in general the reasons vary , but one thing is clear. “Brian” and men in his situation are the “just in case” dude. For example, Brian is there just in case things don’t work out with “Ricky.” Just in case she is bored on a Saturday night. Just in case she feels down and needs to feel desired and wanted by somebody, anybody. I’m sure there are more reasons why women string men along “just in case,” but these are the few I’ve observed or personally experienced. Yes I am guilty of it too! Some women intend to string men along, however, there are women, like myself, who don’t do it purposefully. Either way ladies, it is a Dating Don’t!

A while back I found myself stringing a “Brian” along, and the end result was bad…for him. He was the nicest man I dated since I’d become single. He was gentleman, considerate, family oriented, and ambitious. An established professional with his own place, no children, and never married. Sounds like a dream man huh? Well naturally there were a few snags. We didn’t share the same interests, he was a know-it-all, and I simply was not attracted to him. Unfortunately he suffered from the Cornball Syndrome. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I was not immediately honest with him about my feelings. Why? I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about three months prior to dating him and I was feeling down, so I held on to him “just in case” I needed to feel desired and wanted by somebody, anybody. Sounds awful I know. I also continued to date him because I was trying to convince myself to stick it out because he at least possessed some of the qualities I looked for in a mate. So what if he didn’t make me laugh, what’s the big deal if he was a know-it-all, and everything I said became a “who’s right and who’s wrong” battle? Why should it bother me if he’s thirty-eight, but still dresses like he’s sixteen? I was holding on “just in case” my feelings changed. They never did. Eventually I realized I was being selfish. While I wasted time justifying why I should hold on to him, his feelings for me were growing. We were on two different levels. The situation was unfair to him and to myself. He was thinking about a relationship and traveling together, and I was wondering if I could tolerate his boring personality. I should have been honest a lot sooner.

Ladies it doesn’t take long to know whether or not you are interested in a man. It also doesn’t take long to know what type of man you are dating. If the two of you are just “having a good time,” then no harm will be done. Feelings can be hurt however, if you date a man knowing he is more interested in you, than you are in him. Women know what to say to string a man along and there comes a time to stop playing games, especially if you are a certain age. It is only a waste of time. The more time spent with a man you don’t like, is time spent away from meeting someone you may like. It’s not any better than settling, and why settle? Be real with men and be true to yourselves. Release the strings!

*On the contrary, I often wonder if the “just in case” dude knows their woman is not interested. Do these men know the signs when a woman is not interested or are they settling too? Hmm this may be a discussion for a later post. To be continued…