Ladies Take Back Your Power: Dating Do!

Honesty.  Honesty is what everyone says they want when dating.  More specifically, women gripe about men not being dishonest in what they want; short-term and long-term relationship goals.  But ladies let’s be honest with ourselves, we don’t always tell men what we want.  We’ve all been through situationships that linger longer than necessary because we are afraid to be honest with ourselves and our mate, in hopes that one day everything will work itself out.  This is plain and simple bullshit!!  Ladies let’s stop fooling ourselves and stop being fearful to tell these men what we want!!  What is a ‘situationship’ you ask?  A situationship is when you are in a dating pattern, which means there is consistency in spending time with someone whom you are dating.  It is almost like being in a relationship, but it has not yet been established and thus you just have a situation.  Here is a brief example:

The Situationship:

Greg and Trisha have been dating for six months.  Both Greg and Trisha have been consistent in their dating routine, spending up to 4-5 nights together and most weekends.  They generally get along and have in-depth conversations about their lives.  Greg and Trisha eventually discuss their past relationships.  Greg explains his past relationship ended because the arguments increased and they grew apart.  Trisha says her ex-boyfriend cheated and she felt like she was in a relationship alone.  In the situationship, both Greg and Trisha are content.  Greg is happy because he and Trisha get along, they do not argue.  Trisha is happy because Greg makes her happy with his consistency and he has not given her a reason to distrust him.  Things are fine until time catches up to them, well more so Trisha, because now they are almost seven months in and she wants to know where this is going for them.  When asked, Greg says “he’s good” and  enjoys the time they spend together.  For Trisha this means, Greg needs more time before getting into a relationship, so she needs to be patient.  Trisha, on the other hand, does not tell Greg she is into him, enjoys the time they spend together, and wants a relationship with him; instead she goes with the flow.  By month eight there have been a few changes to their situationship because Trisha believes Greg is dating someone else.  Although he is still consistent with Trisha, she knows he sometimes spends time with another woman.  But she can’t be upset or confront Greg about this other woman because technically they are not in a relationship right??  They are simply in a situationship.  Here is where Trisha being upfront about what she wants is vital.  Just as Trisha needed to hear Greg’s thoughts about the future of their situationship, Greg too needed to hear what Trisha desired for their future.  It would have then become clear to Greg that Trisha did not want to continue with the situationship and rather wants a relationship.  This does not mean Trisha would get the feedback she wants, but at least both parties are clear on what each other desires.


Trisha is guilty of doing what so many women do in dating; go with the flow.  I have a few theories of why women make this mistake.  One of my theories is actually fact because when I did it (back in my dating days), it was because I told the man what I thought he wanted to hear; NOTHING (lol).  I thought keeping my mouth shut was a good thing and I did not want to be that woman who nagged about being in a relationship.  A huge Dating Don’t!  My other theory is that some women are fearful of the response they will get back from the men.  It is the fear of the unknown; what if he shuts the whole situationship down and then there is NO chance of a relationship.  Another huge Dating Don’t!  Fear is the common denominator for these two theories mentioned and it is most likely the reason for the many other theories that exist.  Ladies it is time to take back our power!!  Why are we leaving the development of relationships up to men??  Listen to what your “man” is saying; if he’s saying give him time, then give him time; if you want to!  If he says he is not interested in a relationship and you are, then leave his butt alone!  If he says he’s not sure of what he wants for the future right now, then give yourself a timeframe of when you need to move on and if necessary, MOVE ON!  Whatever the situation, there is a solution; a solution that you can control based on what you want.  Believe me, these men are going to tell you exactly what they want and they’re not going to change simply because you keep quiet and decided to go with the flow.  Ladies be honest with men and most importantly, be honest with yourself!!  A huge Dating Do!


What Would You Do – Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

One of my most popular posts to date is “Dealing With The Baby-mama.”  In summary, the post is about ways to deal with the obstacles of dating a man with children, and more specifically dealing with the mother of his children.  I also address how I dislike the term baby-mama, but since the term has become the staple meaning for an out-of-wedlock single mother, I will use it for the purpose of the post.  Anyway, as of late a couple of news stories have popped up about men with girlfriend’s, a newborn (not with the girlfriend), and of course the baby-mama.  I am referencing the recent stories about the newly engaged couple Dwyane Wade and

What Would You Do - Dealing With the Baby-Mama Part IIGabrielle Union and  couple Ludacris and Eudoxie.  If you have not heard the news, both Wade and Ludacris recently fathered children with women other than their girlfriends Union and Eudoxie (does anybody know how to pronounce this child’s name?? hehe).  Unfortunately in our society, children are produced from affairs all the time, so of course I am not at all surprised by this.  What particularly sparked my interest about these stories, especially Wade and Union, is that Union said yes to a proposal from Wade about a month after Wade’s new baby-mama gave birth!

Let us first understand the story portrayed in the media.  Check out this excerpt courtesy of the

Who is Aja Metoyer? Aja Metoyer is the mother of Dwyane Wade’s third child, a baby boy named Xavier Zechariah Wade born Nov. 10, 2013, in Los Angeles. Aja Metoyer and Dwyane Wade likely conceived the child in February 2013, and while the Miami Heat superstar insists he was on a break from Gabrielle Union, who he began dating in 2009 and proposed to in December, weeks after Xavier’s birth, evidence suggests they were still together at the time of the affair.

What Would You Do - Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

Two questions came to mind after I heard about this scenario: 1) in relationships, what is the meaning of a “break” and 2) ladies would be able to forgive your boyfriend if he conceived a child while you were on a “break?”  To include men, fellas would you be able to forgive your girlfriend if she conceived a child while you were on a “break?”

What Would You Do - Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

There has been speculation about whether the couple were on a “break” or not at the time of Wade’s rendezvous.  Quite honestly I do not like the word “break” nor do I think there is a solid definition for it in relationships.  I think the definition of the term is determined by the couple in the relationship.  For example, if the couple decides to give one another “space” (there’s another word for ya), there should be a discussion about what a “break” means for their relationship.  Some couples may define “break” as a temporary change, allowing each other to clear their heads with the goal of reconciling.  Other couples may define “break” as a “break-up” where they are single again and have no ties to one another.  Who knows what the term meant for Wade and Union’s relationship, but it is evident Wade wants the public to know he did not cheat on Union.

The media and the public also questioned the timing of Wade’s proposal to Union, and whether or not she knew about the child.  By no means do any of us know what Wade and Union’s relationship entails.  We are only spectators, so I do believe it is unfair to pass judgement on her decision to forgive and accept Wade’s proposal.  I would not want anyone to pass judgement on my relationship, nor would I care because that is between me and mine!  With that said, I think it is a brave decision to forgive in this particular situation and it definitely takes a strong person to deal with it.  I don’t like to put limitations on myself, but I don’t know if I could be that forgiving and strong no matter what definition of “break” we used.  A scenario like this is one of the reasons why I’ve always said I will not date an entertainer (rapper, athlete, actor, singer) because situations like this are too common.  That does not mean a regular Joe couldn’t do the same, but there are different circumstances with an entertainer.  You can read more about my thoughts on this in the post “No Studio-Dudes Please!!”

What Would You Do - Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

I am interested to hear what you all think about this story and put yourself in Gabrielle Union’s shoes and the shoes of other women who deal with this kind of situation…what would you do?  And fellas, if the shoe were on the other foot, would you stay?

Schwarzenegger: The Bad, The Stupid & The Ugly

I contemplated for a while about writing this post. Initially I thought it were a bad idea because everyone was talking about it, and I often like to bring the ‘not so obvious’ to light. Then, the more I heard the details of the story, I became annoyed and I HAD to talk about it. So let me give some background first , then I’ll give my opinion on the matter. CBS Evening News reported Arnold Schwarzenegger had a long-term affair with a staffer hired by him and his wife, Maria Shriver. The affair with the staffer resulted in a pregnancy of his now fourteen year-old son, whom Schwarzenegger has supported financially and emotionally. It’s reported that the mistress of California’s former governor, Mildred ‘Patty’ Baena, worked for the couple for twenty years. Baena continued to work in the Schwarzenegger and Shriver home while she was pregnant and after giving birth to Schwarzenegger’s son. The scandal was kept a secret for years before Schwarzenegger revealed the truth to his wife in January, shortly after completing his final term in office as governor. The devastated and humiliated Shriver moved out their home in January, and the couple has been separated since. The story of the “love-child” has now come out due to Schwarzenegger and Shriver’s recent publicity about the dissolution of their marriage. And here we are now…

Hmmm, where should I begin?? Instead of starting with the bad and the stupid, I’ll start with the ugly.

This is Schwarzenegger’s former mistress Mildred ‘Patty’ Baena. Excuse me for my candor, but how does a man cheat on Maria Shriver for this? Yes I can be rude when talking about Baena, because she is just as much to blame for this scandal. Sorry, but on the attractive meter, Baena is pulling about a 5 or 6. For those of you thinking she probably was a 10 ‘back in the day,’ I’ll show you ‘back in the day (thanks to TMZ).’

Yup she’s still a 5 or 6!!! Of course the mistress’ looks are the least of concerns in all this infidelity mess, but it does make you think “Why her?” Schwarzenegger chose to betray the beautiful, smart, supportive, and strong wife, for the less-than attractive and dishonest housekeeper. Dishonest because not only did she have an affair with her employer’s husband, but at the time of the affair she was also married. What was Schwarzenegger thinking?


For The Fellas

A Wednesday Treat 🙂

In March I posted a video clip for the ladies, appropriately titled “For The Ladies.” My cousin shared the following clip on her Facebook page, and I was so drawn to it, I had to share it with all of you. It’s a great piece titled “When I Became A Man.” The only word I can use to describe it is – powerful!

When a Woman Snaps!!

What would possess a woman to take a folding chair & break the windows of her boyfriend’s car? Ohhh right, anger, obsession, and a lot of stupidity. Men are guilty of acts of vandalism just the same, but in this post I’m talking about the ladies. If you’ve ever watched Snapped on Oxygen network (one of my guilty pleasures), you’re familiar with the women who literally “snap,” and murder their husbands or boyfriends. Some women plan their attack and others just have a moment of rage, however their motives are the same – to hurt him! Latonya Dawson (the woman in the video) obviously wanted to hurt her boyfriend bc she went after what’s probably his most prized possession. However, similar to the women on Snapped, Miss Dawson only hurt herself. She’s been charged with Malicious Destruction of Personal Property and Domestic Violence. Oh yeah girl, you got him good! (in my most sarcastic voice)


The Ex-Factor

Several months ago I went on a date to a sophisticated restaurant where the ambiance was classy and cool. Likewise my date appeared sophisticated and classy, however his attitude and conversation exuded hostility and resentment. The hostility developed from his discussion about his ex-girlfriend. I perceived he typically was a calm and collected man, but the topic of his ex-girlfriend apparently set him off. Ironically he chose to talk about his ex-girlfriend all on his own. I simply asked him “When was your last relationship,” and he felt it necessary to give a drawn-out explanation of how the relationship ended. He lost me at that moment. Two essential ‘Dating Don’ts’ are 1) don’t talk in detail about your ex, and 2) don’t talk negatively about your ex. His story began with “Man she was a crazy broad,” and it was those very words that made me leave his ass alone!