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Powerball: Why I Didn’t Want My Spouse To Win


So now that the Powerball pandemonium is over, I can finally say what I’ve been thinking for so long.  No your eyes have not mislead you; you read the title correctly, I would not want my spouse to win Powerball.  Okay maybe it’s not that I don’t want him to win, but honestly I’d be a little fearful if he won.  Why fearful you ask?  Fearful because 1.5 billion dollars is a lot of money for an instant come-up.  I am fearful he would not know how to act and similarly I don’t know how I would act.  It is unfortunate, but reality is that money changes people; it changes people’s concept of what they need vs. what they want.  This change in people’s concept, in my opinion, is plain and simple GREED!  It is this change I refer to, that would make me fearful if my spouse won Powerball.

I know, I know, some of you may think I am absolutely crazy!!  So often I hear people say what they would or would not do if they won or inherited such a substantial amount of money.  Let’s be honest though, people have absolutely NO IDEA what they would do with 1.5 billion dollars!  If you say you would pay off your family’s debt or buy a mansion for your 2-3 person household, then that is why I say people have NO IDEA what they would do with 1.5 billion dollars.  According to ABC News, it is suggested for winners to first get a money management team and avoid making large purchases for at least six months to a year.  So if you plan to pay off your family’s debt or put a gold toilet in that new mansion, for example, then you’ll be broke before you know it. My belief is that until you are in it, you can’t speak on it.  Similarly, until you are in it, you don’t know how you will react to it.  Will you become a pompous jerk or someone who spends frivolously?  Will you lose the value of hard work and the simple life?  Or maybe it’s the flip side, maybe you’ll be smart with your earnings, yet charitable.  Maybe you understand that money is a benefit and not a guarantee of happiness.  So positives can occur from the inheritance of Powerball winnings, but you can’t fault me for being fearful.

As I mentioned previously, I am not only fearful of how my spouse will react to such large earnings, I too would be fearful of my actions.  As it is now I am no expert in money management, so I know if I won 1.5 billion dollars I wouldn’t have a clue of how to manage it.  My husband chuckled when I told him I didn’t want him to win Powerball.  I too chuckled when he said he would give me some of the Powerball winnings if he won.  Ha! That’s marital property now!!! Lol!  But seriously we love each other and I truly cannot imagine either one of us allowing money to distract our beliefs and family values.  However, I am always thinking ahead and considering the worst case scenario so c’est la vie.  I’m sure my thoughts may be rare, but I guess it doesn’t matter anyway since we didn’t win!  This is not the first Powerball and it will not be the last; I’ll root for my hubby on the next one lol.

 

HoliDating: Meeting The Family


It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!  So while my post may be a little late since Christmas passed,  there are other holiday celebrations occurring, and of course New Year’s is right around the corner; therefore some of you may still find this post useful. I decided to compile a list of dating do’s and don’ts for men and women for meeting the family for the first time during the holidays. My do’s and don’ts may also be useful for anytime of the year. So here are a few tips I created to prepare you for….MEETING THE FAMILY (in my superhero voice).

Do’s and Dont’s

Research! Find out what you are walking into: I assume one should know this before meeting the family anyway, but just in case, be sure to know the dynamics of the relationship between your mate and family.  Is there tension with the entire family or maybe a specific relative?  It is good to know what to expect so there are not any surprises.  You never know, the cousin your mate is beefing with may show you shade.  Be prepared, but never get involved.  You can be vocal to your mate about the family squabble in a private setting, but don’t involve yourself if anything goes down at the dinner table.  It is not your place!  Now, you can help diffuse a situation or show support to your mate by a simple rub on their leg or hand, or by holding their hand .  These are little things you can do to show support without saying a word.

Be yourself!  Family members can point out bullshit in a heartbeat! The more you are yourself, the more receptive they may be to you.  With that said, you know you best, so be mindful if there are things you say or do that you may want to reserve for the first family meeting. For example, if you normally curse during conversations, don’t curse at all while talking to your mate’s family. Another example, if you are typically candid about your opinions, maybe now is not the time or place to dig in too deep, especially with topics of politics or social issues. Be yourself, but a little goes a long way in the first meeting of the family.

Don’t overdo it!  For example, it’s awesome that you’re a cook, but don’t overdo it by bringing the big pan of potato salad or macaroni and cheese.  Women are funny about their dishes, especially around the holidays.  My recommendation is if you absolutely feel you must contribute a dish, definitely do not let it be a staple dish.  Maybe bring a pound cake or carrot cake instead.  You can make a statement that you can cook, but don’t upstage the host or hostess.

Be independent!  There is nothing worse than being too clingy to your mate when meeting the family.  The family notices whether you will sit tight when your mate goes into another room or if you will follow the leader, so to speak.  It’s about being independent, but it is also about allowing the family to get to know you and vice versa.  Try to be comfortable, engage in conversation, and just be in the moment.  It goes back to being yourself.

If they ask, don’t tell!! This is for the family members who ask too many damn questions about your relationship. There is nothing wrong with sharing some fond memories of you and your mate, but don’t share too much about your relationship nuances and such. I’ve never had this happen to me too much personally, but I’ve stories about family members who ask questions to get a rise out of you. They want a reaction. Think carefully of the question being asked before answering. It’s almost like being in a celebrity interview where you have to decipher if you want to give details or be as vague as possible.

Who knew meeting the family for the first time would be so strategic, but it all depends on the family you’re dealing with. Some first meetings are easy going, while others are a process. Either way use your best judgement and you’ll be fine. Of course you’ll be nervous because that is to be expected, but don’t let the nerves control you. So for those meeting the family this holiday season, good luck, you’re gonna need it! Lol j/k ♥

RealiTea: Don’t Be Mad At The Happily Married Housewife Of Atlanta


Last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta was quite entertaining in typical Housewives fashion.  The episode had fashion (tacky or cute is left to be determined), instigation (Kenya as always is messy), and a meltdown (poor Kim just couldn’t get it together).  While the premise of last night’s episode did not venture far from what Housewives show is about, there was one theme that is fairly new.  The theme is Kim Fields and her happy marriage.  It is rare to see a happy marriage portrayed on The Real Housewives of anything, or at least a marriage that is not plagued with divorce or infidelity rumors.  It was quite refreshing for me, a newly married woman, to see a married woman who desired to be with her husband.  As for the flack that she received, I did not quite appreciate that.

Yes Kim was annoying with her crying spells and she may have some social issues to work on, but her heart was in the right place.  I am all for a girl’s trip and letting loose with the girls every now and then, but I think the issue for Kim was that she was on a girl’s trip with women who did notreal-housewives-of-atlanta-kim-fields relate to her situation.  Kim’s situation is a married woman with children, while the girls are single, married with marital issues, or married and pregnant.  Although they are all in different places in life, does that mean they cannot hang out?  Absolutely not, but for someone like Kim who is obviously devoted to her marriage and family, it may be uncomfortable to gallivant with strangers, especially men, take body shots, and be shady toward each other.  I get that piece of it.  I don’t necessarily agree with the idea of just sitting at the bar and not socializing or not at least trying to mingle with the girls and enjoy herself.

So while I may not have done things exactly the way Kim did or go into random spurts of tears, I understand how the outing may have been uncomfortable and not relatable for Kim.  Of course Kenya and some of the other ladies, with the exception of Cynthia and Phaedra, may not understand Kim being homesick, but I would not necessarily judge her for it.  I would agree that The Real Housewives of Atlanta may not be the place for Kim if she doesn’t allow herself to open up just a little, but it is lovely to see a happily married woman strong in her convictions on marriage.

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RealiTEA: #RHOA… More Like Desperate Housewife


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The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) is back!!  If you watched the show last season, you noticed there have been a few cast changes; Sheree is back, well at least temporarily; Claudia is now an extra at Kenya’s product launch party; Kim Fields, is a new addition and so far sweet and comical; Nene is gone, for now (I think the cat is out of the bag that she will return in a dramatic fashion); and last but not least Porsha has reclaimed her peach as a housewife.  So there have been a few changes, good changes, with the exception of an absent Nene because let’s be real, she is the Real Housewives of Atlanta!  This tea is not about the cast changes so much, but rather one cast member in particular.  Now that Porsha Williams is back as a main peach, we’re seeing a lot more of her business ventures and personal life.  It is her personal life that brings me to this discussion because there has been quite a bit of gossip about Porsha’s new boyfriend, Buffalo Bills player Duke Williams.  I don’t know if they are still dating since the show was taped months ago, but their budding romance as it is portrayed on the show, has a lot of spectators talking.

In a nutshell the tea is that Porsha is dating a man who is speculated to be either gay or bisexual.  I’ll be honest, when I first caught a glimpse of Mr. Duke Williams on the show with Porsha, I immediately thought he was gay.  I won’t go in detail as to why I thought so, but I will say there was just something about him that prompted me to think he was not a straight man.  Since the first episode where viewers were introduced to RHOA-Star-Porsha-Williams-Confirms-Split-from-NFL-Player-Duke-Williams-54974-212Mr. Duke Williams, recent episodes show gossip headlines of Mr. Duke (my new nickname for him) in a sexual encounter with transgender model.  Talk about tea!!  What could one make of this revelation??  Well apparently for Porsha, such gossip does not seem to bother her, at least for now.  Some headlines insinuate the rendezvous happened while Porsha and Mr. Duke were dating, but the truth is I don’t think anyone truly knows when it happened or for that matter if it is true.  That is neither here nor there.  What immediately crossed my mind with this tea is whether or not I could date a man who had been with a transgender woman.  Personally this would be a deal-breaker for me; I would not be comfortable to move forward with dating someone knowing this information upfront or discovering it through the course of our courtship.  What are your thoughts on this tea?  Could you date someone who had been in a sexual encounter or relationship with a transgender?

In addition to the transgender news, another awkward scene was the going away party for Mr. Duke.  Porsha seemed so desperate to fast forward her relationship with Mr. Duke.  The comments Porsha made to the ladies about her plans for Mr. Duke, rather than with Mr. Duke was Erica-dixon-new-man-duke-williams-1004-4interesting.  There did not seem to be a connection with Mr. Duke himself, but rather a connection with the idea that they were ready to move forward, buy a house, and have babies.  Whaaat????  It was one thing to throw a going away party for your bae, but to use it as an opportunity for him to meet your family, without him being prepared, is just a desperate act.  The look on Mr. Duke’s face was priceless as Porsha guided him from one family member and friend to another.  The party has less to do with him going away, and more to do with Porsha showing off her new boo.  I thought Mr. Duke handled himself the best way he could because it had to be a tough predicament to be in.  What would you do?  How would you handle being thrown into a situation of “meet the parents?”

Share your thoughts or experiences related to this week’s RealiTea.   would love to hear from you!  Leave a comment below or email me at thedating3ds@gmail.com.  Guest writers are also welcome!

From Taboo to “I Do”


It’s been almost 6 months since my last post, and I have so much to share.  My last post was about chivalry and how women contribute to its decline.  Well that post and many others referenced personal experiences and dating/relationship lessons learned.  Well just as I’ve shared my dating and relationship experiences in the past, I want to share with you now that I recently got ENGAGED!!!  I couldn’t be more happy to embark on this new journey in my life.  I remember when I first wrote about meeting my fiance (Single Men Without Baggage…They Do Exist!!!) and as much as I can say I knew something was different about him, the encounter was all in God’s plan.  So allow me to tell you about our love story since in the aforementioned post I only briefly discuss our meeting at the end of the post.  If you are not familiar with my dating experiences and advice, there is always a message or lesson to take away.  So here goes…

May 12, 2012 was a Saturday night, and after an eventful Friday night out with the girls, I was not in the mood to hang out again.  My friend Jasmine called ready to meet up with friends to hang out and after a little coercion, I decided to go.  The place was called Taboo 2 and the music was good, but the environment fell short.  No literally every man in the place seemed shorter than me (no offense but tall men are my preference) and a lot of them wanted to talk to me and my friend.  We had fun though, danced, drank, and chilled.  In the moment of a drink re-up and while a guy was talking my ear off, there he was.  He was a friend of the guy talking my ear off and he interjected a couple of times to hurry his friend along.  Little did he know, he was saving me, but what caught my attention more than anything was his smile.  During his interjections he made small talk and smiled here and there.  I’ll admit the smile got me and after his friend finally got out of my ear, I felt compelled to speak to him.  Now I never approach men so I can’t begin to tell you what came over me in that moment, but I calmly approached him and said “I really want to talk to you.”  Because his friend just tried to talk to me, it felt a little awkward, but I didn’t care.  He of course did not want to step on his friend’s toes, so a little while after he found me, said his PhotoGrid_1410757026623name was Cee and slid me his number to give him a call.

I called Cee the next day and we talked for hours.  It was the most refreshing conversation!!! Of course we got to know each other and went through the typical first encounter questions, where are you from; what do you do; how many siblings do you have; etc.  Aside from that the conversation was so much more and that was very important to me.  From that first conversation, the rest is history.  We connected on a deeper level and the next thing you know we were in a relationship, then living together, and introducing each other to family members.  It all happened so fast, but it felt so right.  A cousin of mine feared we were moving too fast and I would get hurt and I distinctly remember telling her I am so confident in my feelings that I’m okay if it doesn’t work out and I fall flat on my face!  I wasn’t naive, but I had faith because he brought something different to the table.  We strengthened each other in many ways.  In the early stages of our relationship Cee suffered the loss of his mother which I discussed in the post “Strength of a Woman…Breast Cancer Awareness.”  It was a very trying time to see the man I love suffer in such a way and no matter how I tried, I could not make the pain go away.  It was difficult and took time and healing, but the experience brought us closer and confirmed that we can get through the tough times.

In two years we had experienced the good, the great, the bad, and the ugly of a relationship.  Some of the experiences did not have to do with us as a couple, rather it was life lessons, individual growth, and healing.  I always knew Cee was the one, so as surprised as I was when he proposed on August 9, 2014, I was confident to say “YES!”  It was the most precious moment in my life thus far as he proposed to me in front of over 150 of my family members at my family reunion.  Family is so important to me and it was beautiful he made the moment so special for me.  I am truly happy and I cannot wait to become his Mrs.!!!  So my love story may be a bit taboo to some because I approached him and I called him first.  I went against the grain and played by MY rule book.  It is okay to follow your gut sometimes, but be realistic and prepare yourself if the outcome is not what you expected.  I can’t begin to explain to you how confident I felt that night and the days after we met, but it was a great feeling.  Now my cousin laughs and we reminisce about the conversations we had when I first told her about Cee and our budding relationship.  Sometimes you just know…and I knew it!!  

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(Don’t laugh at my ugly cry 🙂 )

What Would You Do – Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II


One of my most popular posts to date is “Dealing With The Baby-mama.”  In summary, the post is about ways to deal with the obstacles of dating a man with children, and more specifically dealing with the mother of his children.  I also address how I dislike the term baby-mama, but since the term has become the staple meaning for an out-of-wedlock single mother, I will use it for the purpose of the post.  Anyway, as of late a couple of news stories have popped up about men with girlfriend’s, a newborn (not with the girlfriend), and of course the baby-mama.  I am referencing the recent stories about the newly engaged couple Dwyane Wade and

What Would You Do - Dealing With the Baby-Mama Part IIGabrielle Union and  couple Ludacris and Eudoxie.  If you have not heard the news, both Wade and Ludacris recently fathered children with women other than their girlfriends Union and Eudoxie (does anybody know how to pronounce this child’s name?? hehe).  Unfortunately in our society, children are produced from affairs all the time, so of course I am not at all surprised by this.  What particularly sparked my interest about these stories, especially Wade and Union, is that Union said yes to a proposal from Wade about a month after Wade’s new baby-mama gave birth!

Let us first understand the story portrayed in the media.  Check out this excerpt courtesy of the theurbandaily.com.

Who is Aja Metoyer? Aja Metoyer is the mother of Dwyane Wade’s third child, a baby boy named Xavier Zechariah Wade born Nov. 10, 2013, in Los Angeles. Aja Metoyer and Dwyane Wade likely conceived the child in February 2013, and while the Miami Heat superstar insists he was on a break from Gabrielle Union, who he began dating in 2009 and proposed to in December, weeks after Xavier’s birth, evidence suggests they were still together at the time of the affair.

What Would You Do - Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

Two questions came to mind after I heard about this scenario: 1) in relationships, what is the meaning of a “break” and 2) ladies would be able to forgive your boyfriend if he conceived a child while you were on a “break?”  To include men, fellas would you be able to forgive your girlfriend if she conceived a child while you were on a “break?”

What Would You Do - Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

There has been speculation about whether the couple were on a “break” or not at the time of Wade’s rendezvous.  Quite honestly I do not like the word “break” nor do I think there is a solid definition for it in relationships.  I think the definition of the term is determined by the couple in the relationship.  For example, if the couple decides to give one another “space” (there’s another word for ya), there should be a discussion about what a “break” means for their relationship.  Some couples may define “break” as a temporary change, allowing each other to clear their heads with the goal of reconciling.  Other couples may define “break” as a “break-up” where they are single again and have no ties to one another.  Who knows what the term meant for Wade and Union’s relationship, but it is evident Wade wants the public to know he did not cheat on Union.

The media and the public also questioned the timing of Wade’s proposal to Union, and whether or not she knew about the child.  By no means do any of us know what Wade and Union’s relationship entails.  We are only spectators, so I do believe it is unfair to pass judgement on her decision to forgive and accept Wade’s proposal.  I would not want anyone to pass judgement on my relationship, nor would I care because that is between me and mine!  With that said, I think it is a brave decision to forgive in this particular situation and it definitely takes a strong person to deal with it.  I don’t like to put limitations on myself, but I don’t know if I could be that forgiving and strong no matter what definition of “break” we used.  A scenario like this is one of the reasons why I’ve always said I will not date an entertainer (rapper, athlete, actor, singer) because situations like this are too common.  That does not mean a regular Joe couldn’t do the same, but there are different circumstances with an entertainer.  You can read more about my thoughts on this in the post “No Studio-Dudes Please!!”

What Would You Do - Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

I am interested to hear what you all think about this story and put yourself in Gabrielle Union’s shoes and the shoes of other women who deal with this kind of situation…what would you do?  And fellas, if the shoe were on the other foot, would you stay?