Honesty. Honesty is what everyone says they want when dating. More specifically, women gripe about men not being dishonest in what they want; short-term and long-term relationship goals. But ladies let’s be honest with ourselves, we don’t always tell men what we want. We’ve all been through situationships that linger longer than necessary because we are afraid to be honest with ourselves and our mate, in hopes that one day everything will work itself out. This is plain and simple bullshit!! Ladies let’s stop fooling ourselves and stop being fearful to tell these men what we want!! What is a ‘situationship’ you ask? A situationship is when you are in a dating pattern, which means there is consistency in spending time with someone whom you are dating. It is almost like being in a relationship, but it has not yet been established and thus you just have a situation. Here is a brief example:
Greg and Trisha have been dating for six months. Both Greg and Trisha have been consistent in their dating routine, spending up to 4-5 nights together and most weekends. They generally get along and have in-depth conversations about their lives. Greg and Trisha eventually discuss their past relationships. Greg explains his past relationship ended because the arguments increased and they grew apart. Trisha says her ex-boyfriend cheated and she felt like she was in a relationship alone. In the situationship, both Greg and Trisha are content. Greg is happy because he and Trisha get along, they do not argue. Trisha is happy because Greg makes her happy with his consistency and he has not given her a reason to distrust him. Things are fine until time catches up to them, well more so Trisha, because now they are almost seven months in and she wants to know where this is going for them. When asked, Greg says “he’s good” and enjoys the time they spend together. For Trisha this means, Greg needs more time before getting into a relationship, so she needs to be patient. Trisha, on the other hand, does not tell Greg she is into him, enjoys the time they spend together, and wants a relationship with him; instead she goes with the flow. By month eight there have been a few changes to their situationship because Trisha believes Greg is dating someone else. Although he is still consistent with Trisha, she knows he sometimes spends time with another woman. But she can’t be upset or confront Greg about this other woman because technically they are not in a relationship right?? They are simply in a situationship. Here is where Trisha being upfront about what she wants is vital. Just as Trisha needed to hear Greg’s thoughts about the future of their situationship, Greg too needed to hear what Trisha desired for their future. It would have then become clear to Greg that Trisha did not want to continue with the situationship and rather wants a relationship. This does not mean Trisha would get the feedback she wants, but at least both parties are clear on what each other desires.
Trisha is guilty of doing what so many women do in dating; go with the flow. I have a few theories of why women make this mistake. One of my theories is actually fact because when I did it (back in my dating days), it was because I told the man what I thought he wanted to hear; NOTHING (lol). I thought keeping my mouth shut was a good thing and I did not want to be that woman who nagged about being in a relationship. A huge Dating Don’t! My other theory is that some women are fearful of the response they will get back from the men. It is the fear of the unknown; what if he shuts the whole situationship down and then there is NO chance of a relationship. Another huge Dating Don’t! Fear is the common denominator for these two theories mentioned and it is most likely the reason for the many other theories that exist. Ladies it is time to take back our power!! Why are we leaving the development of relationships up to men?? Listen to what your “man” is saying; if he’s saying give him time, then give him time; if you want to! If he says he is not interested in a relationship and you are, then leave his butt alone! If he says he’s not sure of what he wants for the future right now, then give yourself a timeframe of when you need to move on and if necessary, MOVE ON! Whatever the situation, there is a solution; a solution that you can control based on what you want. Believe me, these men are going to tell you exactly what they want and they’re not going to change simply because you keep quiet and decided to go with the flow. Ladies be honest with men and most importantly, be honest with yourself!! A huge Dating Do! ♥