What Would You Do – Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II


One of my most popular posts to date is “Dealing With The Baby-mama.”  In summary, the post is about ways to deal with the obstacles of dating a man with children, and more specifically dealing with the mother of his children.  I also address how I dislike the term baby-mama, but since the term has become the staple meaning for an out-of-wedlock single mother, I will use it for the purpose of the post.  Anyway, as of late a couple of news stories have popped up about men with girlfriend’s, a newborn (not with the girlfriend), and of course the baby-mama.  I am referencing the recent stories about the newly engaged couple Dwyane Wade and

What Would You Do - Dealing With the Baby-Mama Part IIGabrielle Union and  couple Ludacris and Eudoxie.  If you have not heard the news, both Wade and Ludacris recently fathered children with women other than their girlfriends Union and Eudoxie (does anybody know how to pronounce this child’s name?? hehe).  Unfortunately in our society, children are produced from affairs all the time, so of course I am not at all surprised by this.  What particularly sparked my interest about these stories, especially Wade and Union, is that Union said yes to a proposal from Wade about a month after Wade’s new baby-mama gave birth!

Let us first understand the story portrayed in the media.  Check out this excerpt courtesy of the theurbandaily.com.

Who is Aja Metoyer? Aja Metoyer is the mother of Dwyane Wade’s third child, a baby boy named Xavier Zechariah Wade born Nov. 10, 2013, in Los Angeles. Aja Metoyer and Dwyane Wade likely conceived the child in February 2013, and while the Miami Heat superstar insists he was on a break from Gabrielle Union, who he began dating in 2009 and proposed to in December, weeks after Xavier’s birth, evidence suggests they were still together at the time of the affair.

What Would You Do - Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

Two questions came to mind after I heard about this scenario: 1) in relationships, what is the meaning of a “break” and 2) ladies would be able to forgive your boyfriend if he conceived a child while you were on a “break?”  To include men, fellas would you be able to forgive your girlfriend if she conceived a child while you were on a “break?”

What Would You Do - Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

There has been speculation about whether the couple were on a “break” or not at the time of Wade’s rendezvous.  Quite honestly I do not like the word “break” nor do I think there is a solid definition for it in relationships.  I think the definition of the term is determined by the couple in the relationship.  For example, if the couple decides to give one another “space” (there’s another word for ya), there should be a discussion about what a “break” means for their relationship.  Some couples may define “break” as a temporary change, allowing each other to clear their heads with the goal of reconciling.  Other couples may define “break” as a “break-up” where they are single again and have no ties to one another.  Who knows what the term meant for Wade and Union’s relationship, but it is evident Wade wants the public to know he did not cheat on Union.

The media and the public also questioned the timing of Wade’s proposal to Union, and whether or not she knew about the child.  By no means do any of us know what Wade and Union’s relationship entails.  We are only spectators, so I do believe it is unfair to pass judgement on her decision to forgive and accept Wade’s proposal.  I would not want anyone to pass judgement on my relationship, nor would I care because that is between me and mine!  With that said, I think it is a brave decision to forgive in this particular situation and it definitely takes a strong person to deal with it.  I don’t like to put limitations on myself, but I don’t know if I could be that forgiving and strong no matter what definition of “break” we used.  A scenario like this is one of the reasons why I’ve always said I will not date an entertainer (rapper, athlete, actor, singer) because situations like this are too common.  That does not mean a regular Joe couldn’t do the same, but there are different circumstances with an entertainer.  You can read more about my thoughts on this in the post “No Studio-Dudes Please!!”

What Would You Do - Dealing With The Baby-mama Part II

I am interested to hear what you all think about this story and put yourself in Gabrielle Union’s shoes and the shoes of other women who deal with this kind of situation…what would you do?  And fellas, if the shoe were on the other foot, would you stay?

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5 comments

  1. I’ve been getting in lots of trouble at parties because of those 2 (or because I’m not scared and always give the truth without sugar coating) Wade did not cheat! “Break” or no break you are single until married, any other relationship status is temporary. I’m glad you chose to point out the loose definitions of the term “break” I believe if your going to reconcile you can only do that “together” different ppl react in different ways during a break even if intentions are on the same page.

    1. I can’t say I agree with your theory on being single until married. If you do not acknowledge the boyfriend/girlfriend or even the premarital fiancee’ relationship, then how do you get to marriage? What qualifies marriage and what qualifies a person worthy enough for your hand in marriage? The premarital relationship has to have commitment if the goal is eventually marriage. We agree the term “break” has loose definitions, but I can’t agree commitment is only identified by marriage.

  2. Commitment and status isn’t mutually exclusive. I say any status other than marriage is temporary because it has the potential to go either way. A boy/girlfriend can become a fiancé or can go back to no title it all still represents a temporary process, while a marriage is forever (yes I still believe that). Think of it like a road trip until you reach your destination you still haven’t arrived, all the signs along the way are simply milestones shared and momentous that show you or we are progressing but the driver still have the option to make a u turn and the passenger still can get out. What qualifies is based on your requirements just like a job position. But you don’t have a job until you sign an offer.

  3. Hmm. We’re dealing with a similar situation. He had a one night stand and is now one of several possible fathers. We were not together, hadn’t been for awhile. However, we started talking and one thing led to another, we’ve been back together for several months now. He did tell me about the pregnancy, but with so many possibilities we didn’t think much of it. He’ll find out in a month or so. In the meantime, we rolled the parenting dice and are expecting our own. My current issue is that this girl is trying to use the unborn baby to create a relationship with him. He’s trying to do the right thing by cooperating for the child’s sake, but she’s constantly flirting and using the baby to make him feel guilty for not visiting her. (I wish you were here to feel a kick, my other son misses you, why didn’t you visit me yesterday – she had a regular checkup and wanted him to drive 2 hours knowing that he works 16 hours every day.)

    Honestly, fingers crossed he’s not the father so we never have to talk to her again. If he is, we’re going to try for custody so the baby isnt raised as a pawn for her manipulations.

  4. Like u dislikes the term baby mama so do I! I am in a relationship with this guy but in the beginning of this relationship he never said he had a child and a baby mama somewhere in which he erand to whenever they needed him both physically or financially the mother of his baby mama doesn’t want her relationship with d my boyfriend yet when I got to know abt my boyfriend having a bby he told me they owe themselves baby but the MOC keeps calling my fianbce all the time to tell him unreasonable things like they ask them to buy bed sheet and to conclude it she ask where he is most time he is with me so he wuld like he is at home he once said he doesn’t want the fault to come from him but anytime she calls he give responses to her undermining how I am feeling but is his baby mama that will call him he doesn’t call so the guys shld tell the truth abt their past relationship as it is I don’t know where I stand all I know is am in a mess and am it so disgusting to me

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