One of my most popular posts to date is “Dealing With The Baby-mama.” In summary, the post is about ways to deal with the obstacles of dating a man with children, and more specifically dealing with the mother of his children. I also address how I dislike the term baby-mama, but since the term has become the staple meaning for an out-of-wedlock single mother, I will use it for the purpose of the post. Anyway, as of late a couple of news stories have popped up about men with girlfriend’s, a newborn (not with the girlfriend), and of course the baby-mama. I am referencing the recent stories about the newly engaged couple Dwyane Wade and
Gabrielle Union and couple Ludacris and Eudoxie. If you have not heard the news, both Wade and Ludacris recently fathered children with women other than their girlfriends Union and Eudoxie (does anybody know how to pronounce this child’s name?? hehe). Unfortunately in our society, children are produced from affairs all the time, so of course I am not at all surprised by this. What particularly sparked my interest about these stories, especially Wade and Union, is that Union said yes to a proposal from Wade about a month after Wade’s new baby-mama gave birth!
Let us first understand the story portrayed in the media. Check out this excerpt courtesy of the theurbandaily.com.
Who is Aja Metoyer? Aja Metoyer is the mother of Dwyane Wade’s third child, a baby boy named Xavier Zechariah Wade born Nov. 10, 2013, in Los Angeles. Aja Metoyer and Dwyane Wade likely conceived the child in February 2013, and while the Miami Heat superstar insists he was on a break from Gabrielle Union, who he began dating in 2009 and proposed to in December, weeks after Xavier’s birth, evidence suggests they were still together at the time of the affair.
Two questions came to mind after I heard about this scenario: 1) in relationships, what is the meaning of a “break” and 2) ladies would be able to forgive your boyfriend if he conceived a child while you were on a “break?” To include men, fellas would you be able to forgive your girlfriend if she conceived a child while you were on a “break?”
There has been speculation about whether the couple were on a “break” or not at the time of Wade’s rendezvous. Quite honestly I do not like the word “break” nor do I think there is a solid definition for it in relationships. I think the definition of the term is determined by the couple in the relationship. For example, if the couple decides to give one another “space” (there’s another word for ya), there should be a discussion about what a “break” means for their relationship. Some couples may define “break” as a temporary change, allowing each other to clear their heads with the goal of reconciling. Other couples may define “break” as a “break-up” where they are single again and have no ties to one another. Who knows what the term meant for Wade and Union’s relationship, but it is evident Wade wants the public to know he did not cheat on Union.
The media and the public also questioned the timing of Wade’s proposal to Union, and whether or not she knew about the child. By no means do any of us know what Wade and Union’s relationship entails. We are only spectators, so I do believe it is unfair to pass judgement on her decision to forgive and accept Wade’s proposal. I would not want anyone to pass judgement on my relationship, nor would I care because that is between me and mine! With that said, I think it is a brave decision to forgive in this particular situation and it definitely takes a strong person to deal with it. I don’t like to put limitations on myself, but I don’t know if I could be that forgiving and strong no matter what definition of “break” we used. A scenario like this is one of the reasons why I’ve always said I will not date an entertainer (rapper, athlete, actor, singer) because situations like this are too common. That does not mean a regular Joe couldn’t do the same, but there are different circumstances with an entertainer. You can read more about my thoughts on this in the post “No Studio-Dudes Please!!”
I am interested to hear what you all think about this story and put yourself in Gabrielle Union’s shoes and the shoes of other women who deal with this kind of situation…what would you do? And fellas, if the shoe were on the other foot, would you stay?