Struggling With 30…

Almost two years ago I posted the article “The 28 Year Old Itch.”  At the time I was 28 and single, so the article addressed my concerns about approaching 30 and being single at 30.  “I [embrace] my age, but I [am] subconsciously concerned about being 30 and single and I [am] scared at how fast time is moving.  Let’s be real, no matter how strong and independent a woman is, she wants to love and be loved” (The 28 Year Old Itch).  About six months later I met the love of my life.  I love him and I am being loved.  Although my love life was blessed before 30 like I hoped, I still felt unsettled approaching my 30th birthday.

I turned 30 on August 28, 2013, and I can’t express to you how confused I was.  I was unhappy and dissatisfied with life.  Yes God gave me a great man to share life with, but I am 30 and not married.  Yes God helped me overcome tragedy, but I could be so much farther in life if tragedy didn’t occur.  Yes God blessed me with a roof over my head and money to pay the bills, but I’m supposed to have house by 30.  Yes God did and He is still doing for me, yet I am STILL not satisfied.  Why?  Society, which trickles down to family and friends, put so many expectations on women.  Women are supposed to get married, have 2.5 children, and have a career by the time they turn 30.  These expectations seeped into the subconscious level of my mind, and became my ‘To-do’ list.

I had so many emotions, and I beat myself up every day because I felt nothing I accomplished thus far was good enough.  I was depressed.  I wanted to be happy, but my thoughts would not allow me to be happy.  I read motivational quotes and stories in an attempt to rejuvenate my spirits, but my thoughts did not allow me to be motivated.  I was thinking too much!  Eventually I got to a point where I was tired of being tired, and I just let go.  I allowed myself to go through the motions and live day-to-day.  I stopped thinking about age, marriage, kids, my past, my present, my future, etc. I literally let go and let God.

It was refreshing to let my expectations go, let my fears go, let my disappointments go.  I felt so free when it happened.  I feel free!!  Words cannot describe how truly bad I felt at that time, and what a burden was lifted off me when I released everything!!  I feel like a different person.  My 30 journey is only a few months old, but I embrace my age and my new freedom.  If this is what 30 is, then I am all for it!  My sis recently told me so far her 30’s has been the best years of her life.  I am excited to see what God has in store for me.

I chose to share my struggle with 30 because I know there is a woman out there struggling with 30.  She may be approaching 30, she just turned 30, or she may just be in a slump.  She/You are not alone!  Whether you are single or married, stop setting expectations for what your life is supposed to be.  Enjoy life as it is!  Do not worry about things God has control of.  Love with common sense and live life simply; simplicity is everything!



  1. Dear ‘Struggling’,

    Offered here, for your consideration, are the musings of a man nearly twice your age (57). Our stories are very similar, with one small variant. I made my own, independent decision, around age 16, to forego having children. I’m still glad I went the ‘child-free’ route. Beyond that, the one thing I had a BURNING desire for was the same kind of stable, loving relationship that my own parents enjoyed for 60 years, 4 months, and 3 days. Mom is still alive, and she is lonely. I try to provide as much moral support as possible.

    I felt the SAME way you did, right up until age 29. I kept wondering WHERE my happiness was. It arrived shortly before my 30th birthday, in the form of a Quality relationship that would last just over 14 years. Ahhh…those were some Golden years! I was WALKING ON AIR, because I FINALLY had something meaningful OUTSIDE myself…a complex, vibrant, ongoing ‘dance’ of sorts. It was like a spell-binding novel that wrote itself, always with new twists & turns…and those challenges FORCED me to become stronger & more creative than I could have mustered the courage to be otherwise. I finally had something in my life that was MORE important than my own, fleeting feelings at any given moment, MORE important than the trivial ups & downs at work, and MORE important than so-called ‘world events’. It was a truly Liberating experience that opened my eyes to countless new viewpoints that I formerly could NOT have imagined. Everyone should be so lucky as to have that kind of experience in Personal Growth. I wish it had lasted LONGER, but that’s another story.

    Around age 45, and newly ‘single’ again, I fell into a fresh, New trap that briefly overwhelmed me. I suddenly ‘realized’ that at this point in my life, I would never LIVE long enough to reprise the wonderful journey thru life that my parents currently embraced. I still can’t identify exactly WHAT went wrong with my thought process, but I spent MONTHS under a cloud, bitter, heartbroken, and with a constant, vague suspicion that I had somehow been ‘cheated’ out of my earlier romantic euphoria. I had conned myself into believing that some ONE or some THING magically “owed me” boundless happiness as my ‘just due’ in life.

    The next 10 years brought a LONG series of new hopes & elusive ‘relationships’, if they could be called that. I dated one woman for 3 years, another for 1 1/2 years, and another, and another. The only thing we had in common was our mutual discovery that we were NOT on the same wavelength.

    So, as of the year 2013, what have I learned from this LONG & dramatic journey..? Well, I’ve spent nearly half my adult life either living with or courting “The Love of my Life”, and she is not here now. I’ve spent the other half of my adult years contemplating the finer points of being single. On balance, I cannot definitively tell anyone WHICH is the better arrangement…but I AM at peace with both worlds.

    1. Hi Brad!!! Thank you sooo much for sharing!! I do this blog so we can share our stories and see that we are not alone in this crazy thing called LIFE. You ended your story with words that struck me, “I AM at peace with both worlds.” That statement is to so important because no matter what obstacles we go through, we have succeeded if at the end of the journey we find peace. I too can say I AM at peace, and it feels great! And who knows what may happen in the future, but that is not for us to worry about now; now we should focus on enjoying our peace!!

  2. I am so exited to turn thirty idk why, I just think its gonna be the best years of my life (at least the first half). I just feel like its gonna be the perfect balance between young and dumb.

    1. You’re absolutely right Deuce, it’s just that it took me some time to realize this. It hasn’t been long, but I am embracing it now and I am excited about the next 10 years. Question though…do you feel pressure to have things together (career, house/condo, marriage) by 30 or early 30’s?

  3. Love This! And I Love you! When we let go.. We receive growth, and with growth comes change! I wish you nothing but greatness this decade !
    Glad I was able to celebrate your dirty 30 with you! 😘

    1. Thank you sooo much!! I love you too and I truly appreciated you coming to celebrate my birthday! You’re growth has been amazing, and I can’t wait to see what else God has in store for the both of us! 🙂

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