Do women hold onto the past more than men? According to the men I’ve asked, the answer is “Yes!” I initially disagreed, but my thoughts changed after an interesting discussion with my guy. A couple of weeks ago my guy asked what I thought about friends of the opposite sex. I responded “I have male friends, some who I can stand to get rid of, and others who I value.” My guy followed with “What is the benefit of a male friend?” He asked, is it the conversation, the laughter, or something else? I had to think for a moment. I can’t say I have deep conversations with my few male friends, but when we hang out we have a good time. Then there was the question “Have you been involved with any of your male ‘friends?'” Whoa! So I may have kissed one, dated another for a few months, and the other absolutely not. The final question was “When you met your ‘friends’ were they trying to get with you?” One I’ve known since kindergarten, he tried to date me, but I was not interested. One I met through a friend who she wanted us to date, but it didn’t work out. The other I met with the intention to date, but again it didn’t work out after dating a few months and we became cool. As I explained the circumstances about my male friends to my guy, I finally heard myself and realized I sounded ridiculous. Are these men really friends of mine and why do I consider them friends?“Exes turned ‘friends’ or people you used to date turned ‘friends.’ Are you holding onto your past???” -@RaRa_28
According to my guy and most guys I’ve talked to about this topic, men and women have very different perspectives about friends of the opposite sex. Of course this is nothing new, but it’s quite valid. Women are emotional and men are sexual. A woman is inclined to think emotionally about a male friend, while a man will think sexually about a female friend. Think about it; good conversation and fun is great for a man, but eventually he wants to have sex with his female friend. My guy posed this question, “If I have a female friend who I have good conversation and good times with, why wouldn’t I try to be with her sexually or date her?” Hmmmm… This has been the situation with all my male friends at one time. The point is there is always the possibility of attraction with a friend of the opposite sex. My female friends have never been attracted to me, tried to date me or have sex with me. A friend of the opposite sex is not on the same level as a friend of the same-sex, and attraction is the kicker. It is not fact, but it is often true.
Ask the women you know how they met their male friends. Was there ever an attraction? Was he trying to holla, or maybe she was trying to holla lol. Some women put past relationships or acquaintances in the friend category. Either he’s an old boyfriend that became a friend, or an old fling that became a friend. He may be an old cut-buddy who she is not cutting anymore, but they’re still friends. There is a history with these male “friends,” so why do we (as women) keep them in our lives? Women call him a male friend, but the male friend’s intent may be entirely different from friendship. If you met and his intention was to date you, he is not looking for friendship. You may not be interested and put him in the friend category,” but he may not think of you as a “friend.” He may be a friend to you, but you remain a goal to him. The goal is to get with you the way he initially intended. Should you give up your friends of the opposite sex for the sake of your relationship? No I am not saying that, but you should evaluate your friendship with the opposite sex. Is it a true friendship or are there other factors involved? For me I had to clean house of my ex-boyfriends turned “friends,” men I used to “talk” to turned “friends,” and men who just wouldn’t take a hint. It feels so good to let go of my past and start fresh. Are you holding onto your past?