Single Men Without Baggage…They Do Exist!!!


Helloooooooo world!!! It’s been too long since I last wrote a post, but I’m baaaaaack! Quite a few things have occurred since I wrote last. I won’t bore you with all the details, but I’d like to share one of my experiences with you. Most of my readers should know by now that I often date men with “baggage.” “Baggage” means formerly married with child(ren). I also dated men who were at least 8-10 years older than me. I attributed my experience with dating baggaged men (yeah I created a new term)and age to a subconscious attraction. However, in my last experience with a baggaged man, I realized it is not a subconscious attraction; rather an “I’ll deal with it” situation. Allow me to explain…

A few months ago I dated a guy, I’ll call him Bryson, whom I was friends with for about six months prior to our courtship. I was attracted to his conversation, humor, and spontaneity. We always had a good time together and that was a plus since my last relationship lacked a lot of laughter and was very predictable. Bryson was a great guy and kept me smiling. The “but” is that he was divorced, had 2 boys, and was going through a transition period. The transition period is a time when a man/woman with or without baggage is going through a period of getting back on their feet. (Read ). I always had a daunting feeling while dating Bryson. Do I really want a baggaged man, especially one in a transition period? Needless to say my mother was less than happy about Bryson’s circumstances and past, which weighed on my heart. Aside from my mother’s thoughts I knew it wasn’t what I wanted, and after attending my brother’s wedding in March, my concerns strengthened. See my brother was the type who was adamant about dating a woman without baggage. He always said he wanted to be with a woman who he was her first in the most important moments of life; marriage and children. His wedding helped me realize I want that too. I want to be my man’s first and only wife, and his first and only mother of his child(ren). With these feelings on my heart I had to let that relationship go and put my energy towards what I truly want.

“Do single young men without baggage really exist?” I asked myself this question after Bryson and I parted ways, and surprisingly it was not long before I got an answer. I met a 30-year-old man, pursuing his Master’s, recently bought a house, never married, and no children. Whoa! They do exist!!! First of all it is rare that I meet a man in my age range, especially one with no kids. Take me now!! (I kid, I kid, lol) Things never sparked between us, but it was a refreshing opportunity to have met someone without baggage. It gave me hope that these men, other than my brother (lol), existed. Not only are they out there, but I am actually attracted to them! Well what do ya know! After this brief encounter with the un-baggaged man (yeah I created another term), I looked forward to my dating future. I didn’t know when or if it was going to happen again, but I no longer wanted to deal with or settle for a man’s baggage. Somehow it happened sooner than I thought, and I wasn’t even looking (that’s how it happens). He is 27, yes 27, never married, no children, and he’s working. Hallelujah!!! (lol) I am just enjoying our time and going with the flow. So for those of you out there, men and women, who wonder if single men/women without baggage exist, I say yes they do. You have to first understand, then own what you truly want in a mate. That’s the hard part; once you get past that things will flow better. It took me a long time, since for so long I thought I knew what I wanted. I don’t have any regrets though I believe each experience led me to this moment and I’m enjoying it.

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18 comments

  1. Reading this makes me pause and think about my current relationship situation. I ask myself if I am in a “I’ll deal with it” situation. A lot of times I believe men and women stay in relationships they KNOW are not for them because of companionship. Until you realize what truly makes you happy, you and your relationship will continue to struggle and you’ll just be “dealing with it”!

  2. I agree with you that sometimes we stay in relationships for too long, for the wrong reasons. I think people will have their “dating epiphany” at their own time. The goal, however, is to eventually have the epiphany and avoid getting stuck dealing with something you don’t want. You know your heart and it’s only a matter of time before you realize what you truly want…shoot look how long it took me lol!

  3. This is funny just last night my boys were discussing a new example of why they call me “Chuck” (as in the movie Good Luck Chuck) cuz my track recorde with the women I date really is outstanding that they always find love & give birth after dating me. My “joking” response to that is saying that I play the role of a unicorn in dating (which is essentially ur “un-bagged man” ) even though it undoubtly NEVER works out with me(cuz unicorns are unattainable), I show them that a gentlemen with no kids, no prior marriage and works does exists thus breaking the mold of the common “guys ain’t sh*t” attitude opening her up and being receptive …..deep (all from a joke) I know

    1. I don’t know if you’re joking or not, but I do like the metaphor of the unicorn lol. Because I know you I would say that you haven’t dated that woman who is appreciative yet. The woman who appreciate your drive, lack of baggage, and gentleman traits. You are a rare breed, and it will take a special woman to be worthy of it. Maybe your track record is meant to be, so that when the right one comes along, YOU won’t take her for granted. For now I say learn and laugh from your experiences with the unworthy, and it will pay off when that rare jewel comes along. Deep…and that’s no joke!

  4. I loved, loved, LOVED this blog hunnie… I was in a relationship with an “un-bagged man” for 8 years!!!!At the beginning things were great cause we had a lot in common (or so I thought) he was never married and had no children, and was 8 years older than me, I had my son at the time who was 3 1/2 months when we first met but we didnt re-connect until about 2 years later.. Long story short I was growing up and accomplishing ALL of my goals while he was still doing the same thing when we first met and had no intentions of making any changes.. My epiphany came when I turned 30 and finally decided to break things off but by then I was already living on my own had one degree under my belt and in the process of obtaining another all while raising my son.. So I agree that you will know in your own time what’s best for YOU.. no one can tell your mind what your heart wants..

    1. You said it right! “No one can tell your mind what your heart wants.” I love it! Regardless if you’re in a “baggaged” or “un-baggaged” relationship, you will know when it’s time and when the relationship is not what YOU want. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  5. Hello again, Rasia,

    People seldom consider the most grave consequences of “Baggage”, yet there ARE disasters waiting!

    I challenge ANYONE to consider some of the Heavier questions lurking just around the corner… and BELIEVE me, I’ve actually LIVED-THRU some of the following ;

    Scenario #1 : You’ve been dating someone for nearly a year, when suddenly, one of their children needs a kidney transplant. NOW… Are YOU going to line-up as one of the potential DONORS..?

    HINT — If you DON’T, any ‘romance’ is definitely OVER…RIGHT NOW!

    Scenario #2 : You’ve been dating someone for over a year. Your ‘significant other’ knows you have a substantial bank account. One of your spouse’s kids gets into trouble with the LAW, and needs bail money, a good attorney…etc. Are YOU going to pony-up ALL the cash necessary to ‘rescue’ Junior..?

    SEE “HINT”, above.

    Scenario #3 : Your ‘significant other’s’ 30-year-old “child” can’t quite seem to make their own way in this world, and REALLY ‘needs’ to move back into “Daddy’s House”… NOTE– I AM NOT ANYONE’S DADDY!!

    Oooppps… Trouble In Paradise…

    I can EASILY expand upon this list if anyone is genuinely interested.

    Brad

    1. Hi Brad!

      You are always profound with your thoughts, and I love it! You raised good points…there are greater things to consider when you have a mate with “baggage.” Are you willing to take on the finances, ailments, and again finances of a child who is not yours, but came with the territory so to speak.

      My father’s advice to me when I dated men with “baggage” was “Be ready to take on the responsibility of a step-mother. No matter how much a man says their child is not your responsibility, that child will be your responsibility, your concern, and your money.” I haven’t been through the serious baggage experiences it sounds like you’ve been through, but I’m glad I had this epiphany now because I would NOT be prepared to take on that responsibility.

      Thanks for you comment Brad, and I encourage others to respond because you posed a great thought!

  6. Only just found your blog and love it 🙂

    Knowing the right time to leave is sometimes the biggest hurdle those that have been in long-term relationships face.

    Mine was do I leave a cheating ex and raise my kids on my own or do I hang around “for the kids”. Needless to say I am a single mum with a happy household and so I am what you would say the one with “baggage”.

    It makes me weary dating again. I don’t want someone just for the sake of it as it is not just me & my emotions but I now also have my kids emotional well being at stake as well.

  7. Hi Angbrennil!

    You made a decision for you and your kids, and I commend you. Kids know more than we think, and they know when Mom and/or Dad are unhappy. I agree staying together for the sake of kids is not always the best option. And although you are single woman with “baggage,” that shouldn’t stop you from dating. This post was about my discovery that as a single woman without kids, I am not prepared to take on the responsibility of dating someone with children or a former marriage. However everyone, with or without “baggage,” does not feel the same way about having a mate with “baggage.”

    Get out there and experience the dating life! I agree you have to make choices for you and your children, but don’t let your “baggage” hinder you from enjoying dating. “Baggage” is not a bad thing for everyone. I’m sure I am telling you things you already know, but I just had to reiterate it. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing, and I hope you have a chance to read other posts.

  8. Preach!!!! This post hit very close to home as you already know… GREAT post Ceeyha!!! Btw I’m so happy you’re posting again.

  9. Hi stumbled upon your blog based on the keyword ‘baggage’. Thought I’d share my own experience and 2 cents on this. I was seeing this girl whose past relationships were with guys with baggages, ranging from those with kids to someone who was almost 20 years older and diagnosed with cancer. As per your article, I on the other hand am un-bagged and am currently in a good place in life with all the desired boxes ticked. On top of that I’ve been very supportive towards her, been her rock during her challenging times and have paid very close attention to the small details, etc. However when it came to us talking about taking it the next level, she freaked out and told me she wasn’t comfortable with that and that voice in her head was telling her things wouldn’t work out. Initially I was scratching my head trying to figure out what went wrong and then it suddenly dawned upon me that girls like her are only comfortable dating guys with baggages because if things go pear shaped, the baggages can be used as an escape clause. She felt trapped with an un-bagged guy because there is potential for the long-haul. My conclusion: fear of commitment. Again just my 2 cents. Great article by the way!

  10. When a woman meets the rare man who has no baggage: no ex-wife, no kids, no debts, do drinking or drug problems, is handsome, educated, humorous, employed there is a very good reason he has no baggage. He doesn’t want any baggage and to him women mean baggage.

  11. When a woman meets the rare man who has no baggage: no ex-wife, no kids, no debts, no drinking or drug problems, is handsome, educated, humorous, employed there is a very good reason he has no baggage. He doesn’t want any baggage and to him women mean baggage.

  12. I recently broke up and moved out of the apartment I was sharing with my ex-boyfriend. I’m 28 no children, never married and he is 36 with 2 children and an ex-wife. I love him dearly, but I just don’t want to deal with the situation anymore. I want to have children and marry someone who has never had that before. But, I feel superficial for wanting that and getting rid of someone who is genuinely good. This is the only relationship I have had and we dated for 8 years.

    1. Hi AB! There’s nothing superficial about your decision. One thing I learned a while ago is that there a a lot of good men out there, but they are all not for me. Just because he is a good man does not mean he’s the one. What you value in a relationship is important and if you want a man whom you can start fresh and build a family with, then it’s worth waiting for. So don’t feel bad. As long as you’re happy and know what you want, you’ll be just fine. Single men without baggage do exist! Thanks for your comment!

  13. How did I know this article was written by a black woman just from the title? You should be ashamed of yourself. One of the largest demographics of people with “baggage” in this country is black women thanks to slavery, segregation, and mass incarceration. I can’t believe you are encouraging this ignorant ideology. If people follow your thinking, black women will suffer more than anyone else.

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