Is He/She Worth The Sacrifice??


I recently reconnected with someone from my past with whom I had a strong bond. When we first met there was an instant connection, a connection that ultimately led to a good ‘friendship.’ Due to a few circumstances our ‘friendship’ didn’t develop any further, and eventually we went our separate ways. Now years later it feels like we picked up where we left off, except there is one problem – more like two problems. Previously married with two boys, my friend “Lamar” does not want to remarry nor have more children. When the ‘problem’ (really my problem, not his) arose, I asked myself “Is he worth the sacrifice?” Of course Lamar and I weren’t at a point where marriage or children were being considered, but our history sparked a conversation about our potential future together. It was a much-needed conversation because it made me think about what I undoubtedly want in regards to marriage and a baby carriage. So could I handle the risk of dating someone who made it clear he wants the opposite of everything I want in the future. The question “Is he worth the sacrifice?” reminded me of a VH1 “Single Ladies” episode. During the broadcast season I rarely watched the show, but I did happen to catch the episode where Val (Stacy Dash) discovered the man she thought was her prince charming, Jerry, did not want to re-marry nor have more children. In other words, Jerry wanted a lifetime ‘partner.’ Val had to decide if she was willing to sacrifice her goals for marriage and children, for a man she thought was ‘the one.’ If you watched the show, you know Val chose to end her relationship with Jerry for the sake of her own happiness. I realize this episode and topic has been extensively discussed, but since I’ve recently found myself in a similar position, I’d like some feedback. Do you think Val made the right decision?

VH1’s Single Ladies: Watch the clip below…

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:678033

My situation is in no way similar to Val’s, however it does make me evaluate what I am willing to sacrifice and what is absolutely non-negotiable. For starters I’d rather not date a man with child-ren; plural. Ideally I would like to date someone with no kids, like myself, but I am not opposed to dating a man with a child. One child is enough sacrifice. I would also prefer to date a man who was not previously married, I’d like to be the first Mrs. So and So, but this is something I am willing to sacrifice. Let’s be real we will never find that ideal mate with all of the traits, characteristics, or lifestyle we desire. Therefore, we have to be clear on what we will accept and what is absolutely unacceptable, and believe me I am still learning. Although I am not a woman who wants a lavish wedding with all the bells and whistles, I do want to get married. (The courthouse and a dinner party would satisfy me just fine.) But could I live with the idea of having a play husband??? As of now, today, at this moment, I would say goodbye to Jerry, especially because he doesn’t want more children. I absolutely would not sacrifice my desire for a child/children. Heck, I have already decided I would adopt a child if I never marry. I have decided that whether I am single or not, I WILL  be a mother…god willing of course. I refuse to settle! I know, I know, I preach it all the time, but I think it is so important to be single and mingling, rather than settling and miserable. Sacrifice is a part of any relationship, but there is a difference between sacrifice and settling. So what would you do? If you were a man or woman who valued marriage and children, would you sacrifice your long-term goals for someone who could potentially be short-term? Things to make you go hmmmm….

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