Being single has helped me grow and reflect on myself in so many ways, and in my growth I realized I have a bad dating habit. My bad habit is I reject men in the worst possible way. More specifically I reject nice men in the worst possible way. My rejection comes in the form of silence. Yes silence! I will ignore phone calls, text messages, and emails (in some situations). It’s hard to reject the nice guy. Sure it’s easy to cuss a man out if he’s disrespectful, but it’s difficult to say “I’m not interested” to the man who’s done nothing but be nice. This is not a case of “nice guys finish last.” I’m not rejecting men because they’re ‘too nice.’ (I’m actually annoyed by women who say that.) Rather, this is about dating a nice guy whom I dated once or twice and for whatever reason we didn’t click. Sometimes the guy clicks, but I don’t, which makes rejecting him even more difficult. So I realized I’ve developed a method where I avoid all conversation by simply ignoring the guy. Although my goal is to avoid awkwardness, I now realize it’s not only awkward, but it’s rude and unnecessary. Previous to my childish game of ignoring the guy, I would try the sweet and gracefully bow-out. I’d tell the guy a cheesy rejection line in my sweetest voice, and gradually phone calls and texts would decrease. It was a nice transition, but sometimes the guy thought my sweet demeanor was either an invitation for friendship or an opportunity to try again in the future. He’ll call every so often just to “check up on me.” So since my sweet approach was unsuccessful, I reverted to the silent treatment. I’m ashamed, SMH!
I’m a strong believer in being straightforward and not playing games. So imagine how critical I was of myself when I recognized I was doing the very thing I despise – playing games. It’s natural for a woman to drop hints for a man to pick up on, however men don’t respond to hints! The best way to tell a man what you’re thinking, is to simply tell him. This dawned on me the other day when a nice guy I previously dated called. As I pressed the ignore button on my phone, I thought to myself, “He doesn’t have a clue.” This was not his first unsuccessful attempt at contacting me. He’s left messages and sent text messages. Obviously he hadn’t gotten the hint I wasn’t interested because he persistently kept trying. I’d get annoyed that he didn’t get the hint, but honestly I can only blame myself. Instead of trying to weasel my way out of the situation, I should have been honest with him. It’s time to stop ignoring phone calls, and stop the sweet-voiced rejection lines.
- “I’m just not ready for anything serious right now.”
- “I think we’re in two different places in our lives right now.”
- “You’re a sweet guy, but this just won’t work.”
- “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Damn, I think I’ve used all of these lines in the past, and they are sooo played out (I took it to the 90’s lol). I sometimes complain about men not being honest, yet here I am playing games with a man over something so simple. If I’m not interested, I’m not interested! I know I’m not the only woman who’s played this game with men, so I encourage all of us to practice what we preach. We want men to grow some balls and man up, well it’s time we get some tough titties and tell these men what we’re really thinking. Men can’t read our minds! Rejection is never nice, and we don’t have to be rude, but we have to be honest with men and ourselves. So this is my apology to the guys I have blatantly ignored. I will finally be honest with you. “I’m not interested in dating you, nor am I looking for friendship. Take care!” Ahhh that feels better! 🙂
PHDating: You can’t get annoyed at the guy who keeps calling, if you haven’t told him to stop.