While at lunch this past weekend, Duece Duece and I discussed our need to expand our friendship pool. It’s time to make friends with people who share similar interests and most importantly, similar lifestyles. I am looking for a single brown, white, spanish, or asian woman with zero kids. (HaHa) I don’t mind if she is in a relationship, but she must know how to balance between relationship and friendship. There are two dynamics of friendships I’ve dealt with in the past, and I’m looking for a change. One dynamic is the single friends with kids. The second is the friends who don’t have kids, but are in relationships that consume their lives. I definitely need to expand my friendship pool. You may think I’m nuts, but allow me to explain why I am looking for a single woman with no kids.
Since I was seventeen years old, I’ve had friends with kids. Don’t get me wrong, Rasia loves the kids, but kids bring a different element to a friendship. The majority of my friends with children have the same M.O.. For example, my friend who has a babysitter for the night excitedly calls me. “Hey girl I’m ready to party, I’m ready to mingle!” There are only two outcomes after those words are spoken. One outcome is after making plans for later in the evening, I get a phone call or text message about three hours prior. “Girl I’m exhausted. I dropped [insert child’s name here] off at the babysitter, and I am just too tired to hang out tonight.” It’s like clockwork! I love my single parent friends, but I often expect them to cancel. The other outcome of the evening is my friend and I actually make it out of the house, go to the venue, and at about 1:00am I hear yawns. Shortly after the yawns, it’s the ‘I’m sleepy’ lean on the bar. After that it’s “Girl are you about ready to leave? I’m tired.” I wouldn’t mind going home at 1:00am, but I have a problem if we arrived at 11:00pm. I especially have a problem if we paid a cover-charge! My friends are loving and attentive mothers so they have every right to be tired at 1:00am. However, because they are such great single mothers, our idea of a girls night out are completely different!
Then there are the friends with no kids, but are in relationships. I’m a huge supporter of all my friends in relationships. I am not, however, a supporter of the friends who forget about me once they are in relationships. They are friends I love, but I don’t like how they handle the friendship. It’s annoying being used as the ‘escape.’ Me, the single woman, is often the ‘escape’ for the friend in a relationship, who when she’s mad at her man, will immediately call me for a night out. I can tell when this type of friend is single again, or they’re arguing with their mate. She will suddenly resurface after a period of time in hiding with her man. She only calls when it’s ‘relationship convenient’. I understand the routine of a friendship may change once one is in a relationship, but a balance would be nice; especially when marriage is not involved. Dating a guy for two months and already going into hiding is not cool. When I was in a relationship I still had girls night out, maybe not as often, but it happened nonetheless. Sometimes I invited my single friends to meet my boyfriend’s single friends. So I not only balanced my time well, I tried helping my single friends. They should help me now!! That’s selfish!! LoL!
The point is single people with no kids should have at least one or a few single friends with no kids. Right now I have a couple of friends and cousins who fit the criteria, unfortunately they are not local. It’d be nice to hang out with someone who has the same lifestyle as me. Someone whose only responsibilities are bills. Someone who can take a break from their man for a few hours. Don’t get me wrong I love my current friends (I have to keep stressing this), but the beauty in friendships are how they vary. In the premiere episode of the show La La’s Full Court Wedding, singer/actor Tyrese Gibson addressed a very good point to La La. As La La’s wedding date approached, Tyrese advised La La to start carrying herself like a wife. He said La La’s single friends are “not in the same space” as her. Tyrese was absolutely right, and parenthood can be added to that advice. A mother, whether single, in a relationship, or married, is not in the same space as a single woman with no kids. Does that mean the two can’t be friends? Of course not! It just means the dynamics of the their friendship will be different from that of two single friends with no kids. If you’re wondering what all of this has to do with dating, you’re probably not in this situation. A part of expanding one’s dating pool is being social and mingling. (Check out the post “Updating Your Dating Pool“) You can socialize and mingle alone, but it’s nice to have friends along for the ride. It’s even more of a perk when your friend is “in the same space” as you. So at this time of my life I’m expanding my friendship pool, and this post is officially my personals ad for a 25-30 year old single woman with no kids. LoL!