It’s Not Always What It Seems…


In previous posts I’ve shared my bad and absolutely worst dating experiences, and I’ve shared some dating tips. However, in this post I want to share a dating experience, or rather an encounter, that left me feeling puzzled. This time I need your dating tips. This is the situation…

Last weekend my girlfriend and I went to a local lounge for drinks where I met a guy named “Eric.” As I ordered a drink from the bar, Eric asked what I was drinking. I responded “Rum and Coke,” and from there the conversation took off. Eric said he and a friend came to support another friend, who is the owner of the lounge. We each discussed how we don’t go out as often as we did in our late teens and early twenties. At this point we talked about age, and he is 38 years old. We discovered our birthdays are three days apart. He asked if I had children. I replied “No,” and he said “You’re a rare commodity.” I also asked him about children, and he said “No,” which I of course say “No you’re the rare commodity.” (I do apologize for giving a play-by-play on the conversation with Eric, but I am trying to set the scene. Bare with me.) We discussed the desire to wait until marriage to have children, and if luck doesn’t have it, we at least hoped to be in a serious relationship. An in-depth conversation ensued about the possibility of not getting married, and whether or not I’d consider adoption or artificial insemination. It was a very interesting discussion. Although it may appear as a very serious conversation, it was quite the opposite. He complimented my smile and my eyes. We laughed, joked, and I thought we had chemistry.

The conversation led to the economy and employment. Eric mentioned he works two jobs and said “I have to work hard to support myself. It’s just me.” I replied something like “I agree. No one else will do it for you, so you have to support yourself.” After I made that statement, the conversation went LEFT! Eric said “You know because although I’m in a relationship, a serious relationship, we don’t live together, so I have to support myself.” Here is where I was puzzled. The conversation continued, which he talked about his girlfriend for what felt like five minutes. Finally my friend gestured it was time to leave, so Eric and I shook hands, and say goodbye.

The encounter with Eric puzzled me because the conversation was personal and I thought he randomly brought up the girlfriend. I assume in his mind he was merely having a conversation with me. However, in my mind I thought I was having a conversation with intentions to keep in touch or possibly go out in the near future. Like I said previously, I thought we had chemistry. Now I’m not sure what it was. The experience was an eye-opener because it was the first time a man sparked a conversation at a lounge, without intentions to date. I hope I don’t sound snootie, but I’m being honest. Of course I’ve had conversations with men without expectations, but the setting and circumstances were far different. I appreciated his acknowledgement of his relationship, his serious relationship, but I thought it was random in that moment. I didn’t know if he was putting me off. Am I looking too much into the situation? What do you think? Was it weird for a man in a serious relationship to spark such a conversation, or is it a lesson that men who are interested in getting to know me, may not be interested in dating me? (Damn that sounds snootie lol.) What I mean is, was it just conversation??

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9 comments

  1. This was an interesting post because I’m pretty sure the impression you had if Eric was the same that women may have with me. I attend plenty of networking parties and may hit a lounge or two, and most of the time I spark a conversation with a female who is (I’m a social butterfly, so that’s what I do) in attendance. We can get into a deep conversation about what we do, and our interests, and as a result that woman may become attracted (women love a man who can carry a meaningful convo) to me. BUT…when I mention the TWO WORDS she doesn’t want to hear – IM MARRIED – the conversation either starts to shift or I’ll get the conventional MARRIED MAN trap saying of, “I wish more men were like you”, followed by, “let’s keep in contact”.

    I do think you were thinking to much into it, though, he did hit you with a couple of compliments. I believe when he hit you with the “I’m in a relationship” phrase, that’s when you should’ve said, “Oh ok, I see this isn’t a future date.” In the future, just see where the conversation goes first before thinking the next prospect.

    -d

    1. I agree it was a lesson learned…I should have seen where the conversation went. The flow of the conversation seemed different than what I’d imagine your conversations might be at a networking event. But then again, the discussion was very innocent.

      Thanks for the advice! 🙂

  2. My added perspective from experience because Lord knows, I have many. He may have been interested but realized you were rare and although he lied about the relationship at first realized you deserved the ultimate respect and not go there. He sounded like a gentleman.

    I agree with you Dev. “just see where the conversation goes first before thinking the next prospect.” The woman in you kicked in with the wow..nice guy, good conversation, etc.. but every great conversation is not always date worthy no matter how good it is. At least it was a step up from Hooters.

    Continue to have conversations just no intentions.

    1. Yes he was quite the gentleman. It’s been a long time since someone captured my interest solely on good conversation. He was good looking and all that, but the conversation did it for me. I’ve had a stint of bad courtships, so it was a refreshing encounter and I guess I got ahead of myself.

      Definitely a step up from Hooters!! LoL! Thanks! 🙂

  3. I agree with the above as well. See where it goes before thinking of what is to come from it.
    He may have just been there to chit-chat, get to know people. But didn’t want you to get the wrong impression, so he threw out there that he had a chick. Kind of backwards and random; but that’s most men – but I think that’s what it was. Next!

    1. It was definitely backwards and random, but that’s the nature of the beast. It’s sad that I got so excited to finally talk to a man with good convo. Who knew that good convo was so rare. Lately I’ve gotten the men that don’t talk enough, or talk too much about themselves! Oh well, on to the next one. NEXT! LoL

      1. Lol I know right. He seems to have been interested..and was like let me slide this in real quick.

        I feel you though. You would think more is to come from a man who sparks off good convo right? #womp

  4. I don’t know if you mentioned that he bought you that rum and coke (my interest in that tidbit is that, supposedly, buying a drink for a woman is some sort of dating “opening act”….who knows, been too long for me! LOL!)

    But anyway, without the drink purchase, your recounting reminds me of excellent conversations I have had with strangers on planes or in a conferences at work. Sometimes “chemistry” or “connection” doesn’t mean ROMANTIC, just human beings meeting and vibing. Just like if you’d met a funny, successful, interesting woman with whom you had a vibrant conversation, you wouldnt be confused…right?

    Sometimes a man is just a HUMAN BEING!

    Love you and your blog!!!

    1. No he did not buy me the drink, lol. I get what you’re saying though. I just thought the conversation was a bit personal, but like I said before, I merely was excited to have a decent conversation with a man. It’s sad that it’s been that long! Oh well, lesson learned.

      Thank you so much!!! 🙂

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