The Ideal Man/Woman List: Do You Have One?

My Ideal Man

  • Spiritual
  • Gentleman
  • Family oriented
  • Ambitious
  • African-American
  • 0-1 child

This is my first and last attempt at creating a list for my ideal man. I’ve been told that all women at some point in their lives make such a list. I just heard about this in recent weeks, so the list is new to me. Apparently men create one too, although I don’t think men are expected to do so. In my research I discovered there is no standard to creating a list for an ideal man or woman. Some women and men create short and simple lists, while others are longer and detailed. I am neither a fan nor a hater of the list, but I think it has its good and bad purposes. The good is it can bring clarity in your dating life, which can help you narrow or expand your dating options. It is also a good way to avoid the settling complex. The bad in creating an ideal man or woman list are the unreal expectations. To believe that your ideal mate will be the man or woman who possesses all or most of the qualities on your list is absurd. If this were true, then I already found my ideal man. My ex-boyfriend was spiritual, a gentleman, family oriented, etc. So what happened? He was also a bona-fide workaholic!  Although he had everything else working in his favor, I wanted and deserved more. He may be a great man, an ideal man for another woman, but he was not my ideal man. If I dated according to my list I would add “no workaholics,” but that would be pointless. I refuse to rely on a list to find my ideal man. Although I am the creator of the list, I understand that life does not work that way. Putting too much faith in a list for an ideal man or woman will only lead to disappointment. Rico Rivers is a contributor for the popular website On the site Rico shared his list for his ideal woman, and it is extreme! Here is a snippet of his list:

“I do have a certain preference for the type of woman that I would someday be living in the same house with or sharing the same bed with exclusively and permanently.

Race: Black. However, if she is mixed with other ethnicities such as Mexican, Puerto Rican, Asian, Dominican, etc. She is cool too as long as she is dark and speaks English very well. However, if she is a light-skinned cutie with these qualities, she’s good.

Height: 5’0 to 5’5

Weight: 115-130 (This is the weight I prefer before she has had children) No more than 135-140 after she has had children. This weight will be proportioned to her height.

Age: 28-33 years old and NO CHILDREN! I might make an [exception] for one small child. The father has to be dead, serving a life sentence in jail, or just totally out of the picture.

Body Type: SLIM, MEDIUM or PETITE, but with a toned, Curvy/Athletic build; Flat stomach (six pack or just flat) shapely legs, Apple-Bottom Butts (no flat a****, please!) No stretch marks on the stomach or scars all over the legs and face. I like bow-legged or straight legged. No knocked knees or sleuth feet, please!! A woman who looks like she jogs and attends the gym.”

These are only the first five preferences on Rico’s list, but it goes on and on. This is where common sense comes into play. Have realistic expectations if you create such a list, or any list for that matter. I have an alternate list you can create to help you find your ideal mate. It’s called the “absolutely intolerable list.” Make a list of things you find absolutely intolerable in a man or woman. I suggest not to add something like “a woman with long toe nails” to your absolutely intolerable list. Use common sense and look deeper when creating your list. Working backwards might help you further narrow or expand your dating options. The list for an ideal man or woman is more so about your potential mate, whereas the absolutely intolerable list is about YOU. Here is my list:

My Absolutely Intolerable Man

  • Atheist
  • Deadbeat Dad
  • Possessive
  • Arrogant
  • Lazy

Whatever list you choose to create, make sure you’re not selling yourself short of your worth! Dating Do! What does your list(s) look like?



  1. Just don’t forget that for every good quality on your list you must be willing to accept something on the “bad quality” list! Not the dealbreaker list you mention, but the list of human flaws and irritating quirks and obnoxious characteristcs that we all (even you!) have. I’ve been working with people for over thirty years, and many of them have been unhappily ignoring the fact that nobody is perfect and most of us are far from it!

    1. Hi Susan! I absolutely agree! There is no such thing as a perfect man or woman, and honestly the ideal man or woman exist either. You’re right, we all have flaws (definitely me too :)), and we can make all the lists and plans we want, but life just doesn’t work that way. Boy have I learned that plenty of times…still learning too! Lol

  2. Oh my goodness! an amazing article dude. Thank you However I am experiencing issue with ur rss . Don’t know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anyone getting identical rss problem? Anyone who knows kindly respond. Thnkx

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