How To Tell If She’s Pulling Your String


In Monday’s post “Stop Stringing Him Along,” I talked about the “just in case” dude. As mentioned in the post, this is the man (dude) that a woman may hold on to just in case she’s lonely, just in case she’s rejected by her real love interest, and the list goes on. I advised the ladies to stop stringing men along, however at the end of the post I asked “Do men know the signs when a woman is uninterested or are they settling?” I can imagine a group of men answering these questions differently, especially depending on the woman they’re dating. A woman can be a great actress and act interested, but in reality she is just stringing him along. In dealing with an actress, men are not at fault for being the ‘just in case” dude. The men that should know better, are the ones with women who are giving clear signs that she is uninterested. I agree that women should be honest and tell men what’s really going on, but unfortunately it’s the nature of the game. Men just have to filter out the women that play the game, and they can start by knowing the signs. So fellas listen up!

You know you’re the “just in case” dude when…

1) She exhibits NO AFFECTION: Fellas check your woman’s body language. If she is truly interested in you, she will definitely touch you in some way. That does not mean she has to jump all over you, but for women it’s all about the little things. A hand on your knee, softly rubbing your back, holding your hand, etc. A kiss is tricky depending on what courtship level you’re on. She may want to take things slow if you’ve only had a few dates, however she will show affection in other ways. She may sit close to you, again she may hold your hand, or she may hug you passionately. It is better for you if she does the little things to be affectionate, rather immediately jumping your bones. At least you’ll know she’s interested on a more solid level. However don’t be naive like my friend’s “just in case” dude “Brian,” who I mention in “Stop Stringing Him Along.” She only kissed him twice within five months of dating. If she doesn’t do the little things AND she barely kisses you, then it’s clear you’re the “just in case” dude.

2) She DOES NOT CALL YOU: If a woman does not call you during the week, but randomly calls on a Saturday night and says “Hey, you want to hang out,” that means she was bored and you were her last option to go out. Women who are interested, call and make plans! If you find yourself calling her all the time, then you have a problem. I don’t believe in being “too busy to call” because if she makes time to eat lunch, drive home, use the bathroom, etc., then she has time to call you. You can always test her by not calling for at least 2-3 days from your last phone call, and if she doesn’t call you then you know what it is. Furthermore, if you’re always getting her voicemail…need I say more?

3) She only dates you on HER TIME: An interested woman wants to spend time with you. That is her way of getting to know you. Talking on the phone is cool, but time spent together is important. If the only time you spend with her, is on her time, then she’s put you on the sideline. Women who sideline men may call often to keep you interested, but you hardly go out. She uses the excuse she’s too busy, she has a lot to do over the weekend, she has family in town, bah, blah, blah. Every time you make an effort to see her, she is unavailable. But think about when you do finally see her. Who initiated the date? She did. Who did she know would be available? She knew you’d be available. Why? Because she’s probably already tested you or you probably did too much to begin with. If a woman keeps putting you off, but you continue to call, then she figures that you’re that dude that never gives up; hence you become the “just in case” dude. She knows she can put you off, you’ll still call periodically, and when she’s finally ready or bored, you’ll be ready and willing.

Unfortunately fellas it’s all a game. The biggest problem with women is they dont’ want to be alone. They string men along whom they have zero interest in, and it’s all for the sake of having that male comfort in their lives, at least for the time being. For some women it’s not even a well-thought out plan, it just happens. I’m speaking from experience, so I know how easy it is to unconsciously string a man along for selfish reasons. Fortunately for me I got to a point of self-reflection, and I realized how stupid it was. Just recently I realized I was doing it again. I finally kept it real with the guy and told him to stop calling me because I’m simply not interested. I had to do spring cleaning on my phone and in my life because at 27 I am tired of wasting time; his and mine. I preach to the ladies all the time about letting a man go if he is not making a real effort, and the same goes for men. Don’t make her a priority if you’re not her priority. Cut the string!!

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16 comments

  1. Strings, yep that’s what’s happening to me at the moment. 7 Simi dates. And within a week, I could sense. In her case, major mistakes. Day I headed south, she had a car accident and she was at fault not in attention,next few days too much chaos in her life. And last night from my normal text she let it known about her dinner date (new) and how my text made her laugh from my action ,
    My reply, is it time for me to move on? And my question, what is it your telling me?

    This week, she’s got a nice automobile fix it issue, $6,000 to fix the mistake. And possible loss of this man that liked her.
    This one does not like being on a shelf and used when she’s in need

    R

  2. I have been “just in case” guy several times so I have the experience to verify that everything commented above is fairly accurate.

    One time I found out she was really after somebody else who wasnt interested in her; I was kept around for a long time and took two years of being used to find out the hard way.

    Not long ago I was the “other man” to a married woman who continuously affirmed the usual lies. 1) The marriage was over, just no lawyers contacted yet but it is in the works; 2) She was free to do whatever she wanted. Oh, but dont call and dont be the one to text first. 3) For days at a time she was busy, busy busy! Just SOOOO busy! Every microsecond of her life consumed with some high priority activity that prevented her from doing ad much as even shooting off a 5 second text saying “Hi hope to talk soon”.

    Of course it took months of that to find out she was full of shit and likely stringing along several fellows in a game that a bored unhappy housewife knows how to play. Oh, that and I stalked her facebook page and busted her talking and chatting during a time she was sooooooo busy and unavailable. When I threw that in her face suddenly I was unfriended and her facebook set to private.

    Years later I heard around the grapevine that she is still married to that same man. I woukd bet she has new men ‘caught on the hooks’ of her emotional stringline.

    You live and learn.

    1. Hi Tom! It sounds like the woman who played with your heart hurt you, but it also sounds like she gave you the best lesson of your life. Although she is to blame, you are too because you probably knew what was going on but was not ready to let go. People show us who they are, but it’s up to us to see them for who they are. I’m glad you got out of that situation and learned from it because now you will attract women who won’t pull your string or at least you won’t allow them to. Thanks for your comment! Happy Holidays!!

  3. I think I am going through this right now. So I met this girl 2 years ago and we hit it off. We hung out and had a good time with each other and then one day when I tell her that I would like to date her exclusively, she tells me that she likes someone else but wants to be friends with me. I should have ended it with her at that time but stupid and naive me, I continued being a part of her life and we even got physical which was a terrible mistake. Then one day she tells me that she can’t keep lying to her boyfriend and ended things with me. I maintained no contact for close to 8-9 months. Last month, she got in touch with me again and told me that she has broken up with her bf of 3 years and she is devastated. We started talking and I even went out of town to see her. Things were fine and she was really into me and now all of a sudden from last 5 days she has not spoken to me at all. Every time I message her she tells me he is very busy with work and trying to find a job that she gets very tired by the end of the day and has no energy to talk. I just don’t get it man. What does this girl want? The reason why I keep talking to her is because she’s the only girl I’ve ever cared about so deeply and I still love her but her behavior is very moody and it gets to me. If I try to talk to her about this, she gets annoyed and tells me that I’m way too demanding and she can’t fulfill my expectations. I just refuse to believe that someone can be so busy that they don’t have 5 minutes in a day to just talk. Am I being unreasonable and demanding? I just don’t know anymore and it feels like no matter how hard I try, I can never make her happy.

    Anyway..I feel so confused right now and it feels like no one understands what I’m going through. There is something her that makes me still want to talk to her. When we are together, we have so much fun that we forget how time passes by. Physically and emotionally we are so perfect together. By the way, she used to see a therapist for her depression and was on pills earlier which she has stopped taking now from last 2 months or so. Could that be the reason for her erratic behavior?

    Thanks for listening. Love your writing so keep at it.

  4. To all of you guys that have emotional manipulators in your lives take note:

    I spent nearly 5 years of my life (I’m now 51) with a woman that i loved deeply … proposed to …. gave a ring to … and was strung along for the nearly 5 years with no wedding date from her, just many excuses why she couldn’t/wouldn’t … yet she manipulated me to believe “how much she loved me” yet when i was at my worst moments during a health scare, she was reluctant to even take me to a hospital during what is commonly known as a TIA (“Mini Stroke”) By the way, She has been a Registered Nurse for over 30 years! Her excuse? “I didn’t know what was wrong with you and didn’t know it was something bad”. Yeah OK!!

    My doctor told me that there is no way way an RN wouldn’t know better!

    There was men calling her cell phone … one of them calling her a using profanity at her while her and i was eating at a restaurant and her reason was “Uhhh, i just went out with him once or twice… i dunno why he’s cursing at me”. One man in particular whom has a history of sleeping with her ex husband’s NEW wife while she was married to another guy (That’s a story in itself!) … lol …. was calling her on her house phone … text messages to her … calling her cell on Christmas Eve while we were opening gifts with her sons at 9 PM and the “reason” why he was calling her that she told me days later when i confronted her was “He wanted to know if I was going over to pick up some stuff for Children’s Church. Yeah Sure! I was used by her to drive by her ex husbands house for god only knows what reason … i guess since he wouldn’t recognize my car so she could stalk him? lol.

    Not that he’s a great guy either! He left her for her friend! lol I met this man and he is probably one of the most narcissistic people i’ve ever met!

    In my defense, i will say this …. gut feelings are worth more than gold because although i denied what was obvious for so long superficially … deep down i knew better and kept her at arms length.

    She would go on trips and i wouldn’t hear from her for several days at a time … sometimes a week at a time… and If i did, she would have to step out of her hotel room because there is “no cell signal” from her T Mobile Iphone.

    I could go on and on here with 5 years worth of nonsense that happened but space wouldn’t even permit it on the net!

    All i can say is …. RUN!

    I DID!

    Good luck.

    1. Hi Jim! Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your experience…although it wasn’t the best. I agree you both played a part in the 5 year game, but what is most important is that you got out of it and learned from it. Sometimes we look back on things and wonder why we put up with it for so long, but the point is we can look back instead of being current in the mess. I hope fellas learn from what you went through and again I thank you for sharing!

  5. I agree with your article. The woman who strung me along didn’t want to be alone & she kept reminding me whenever we argued. But as soon as I snapped out of it, I realized how much she took me for granted, never admitting her own faults, using me to comfort her own needs when she was lonely. My fault was I was too giving, available, and thoughtful. But whenever we talked about the next step in our relationship, she was irritated & called me selfish. It is ok to be giving and thoughtful, but the woman needs to EARN it before you can give. She wanted my attention, she always knew what to say right away when she is defensive, which sometimes made me feel bad, but when I had time to think about it, she would reverse the blame on me and when I confront it to clarify, she would say “I’d rather leave it as it is” (I guess she played these mind games a lot before). Some manipulative women know how to make a man feel euphoric in the beginning with the words she says, how she acts, and how she touches you. But somehow the euphoric feeling doesn’t feel right, when the more you get closer the more she becomes aloof. When you stop chasing, she says she misses you and wants to hang out. It was frustrating and torture just to be with someone you like or may fall in love and there is no reciprocation. She knew how to psychologically suppress my alpha male characteristics. By complaining how I walk and what I do that scares her (supposedly). So I became soft for her. I started dating and going out with other women to forget about her and to ease the pain. It helped, but as a man I had to figure things out. Like when our car or computer breaks down. I want to fix it or find an answer to a question that can be answered. I understand not everything has an answer and you must accept it. Guys and girls, if you feel that there is no reciprocation and you do more for that other person than yourself, then it is time to move on. Some women like to string guys along to make themselves feel good until the “so called right guy” comes along. Yeah I was that “nice guy” (and nice guys finish last), but at the end when she came to visit me after no contact for 2 months, I was nice to her, but cold, and told her if you want to talk, do it in my time, and walked away. When she left she gave me a hug and I felt right (didn’t feel good, but right) She did not deserve my warmth. A woman can string along a “nice guy”, but when he cuts those strings he becomes that “great guy” women want, & some women will never have.

    1. Derrick thanks so much for sharing your experience and providing advice! It is always nice to hear a man’s perspective. Although your experience was unfavorable, it sounds like you learned a lesson and you probably are now an expert on women who string men along. I bet the woman you mentioned has deep regret for her actions and may even wonder “what if?” Again thanks for your comment!

      1. I’m so hoping you can help me out. I met this girl a little over 4months ago. We had the mutual look of “I’m attracted to you”. Exchanged numbers and became friends on Facebook. Probably about a week later.. we went on a casual date. The getting to know each other phase. Things went well and a couple more dates follwed. After the third date, which included a couple of my friends.. I thought it went well. I texted her in the morning saying I had a blast and my friends approve. Mentioned to her that i really like her and we should maybe take it to the next level. After that text.. she gave me the cold shoulder and we didn’t speak for over a month. I’m not that type of guy who asks why.. I just figured she needs space. Then about a month ago she randomly texts me and asks how I’m doing. Starts snapchatting me on a daily basis. I was feeling.. ehhh why not. Started hanging out again and more frequently. Then 2wks ago I told her I want to be exclusive.
         She immediately said yes. I was super stoked cuz it’s been about 2yrs since I’ve been in a relationship. She knows this as well. Our next date was when we finally slept with each other. Thought things were going smooth and then the following date.. which was Thanksgiving week. She was packed and ready to stay all weekend. Picked her up.. took her out to dinner.. came back to my place and she sat on my bed and said.. “I’m going to go. You’re too good for me. My friend will come pick me up.” I was stunned to say the least. She grabbed her things and left. Tried asking for an explanation but she wouldn’t respond. The next day followed and she was snap chatting me at her friends. Like nothing happened but still ignoring the situation that just happened. I played it off.. wasn’t mean at all and was just going with the flow. Then I asked her if we’re still together.. she said “I don’t know.” Fast fwd to abt 2days ago. Asked if she wanted to go on a roadtrip to visit an aquarium center.
         She first replied that she was busy.. then randomly asked me if I still wanted to go?! I said yes.. so picked her up at her place .. went back to my place and watched movies and cuddled. Woke up the next day.. got ready and away we went. Had a fun time. Even went to Home Depot and surprised her with a huge stuffed teddy bear cuz she’s been wanting one. Came back to my place.. and slept with each other again. Dropped her off to class in the morning and not even a kiss before she left my car. Here’s my dilemma now.. I can tell she Snapchats other guys cuz her points keep going up and I’m not the one snapping her nor vice versa. I commented on her FB pic and she liked everyone else’s but mine. I’ve posted pics of us on my wall and she won’t like them nor let it be viewed on her page. She stopped responding to me after 8pm lastnite.. but was on FB and Snapchat. Other things too as well.. she has mentioned that she didn’t care if her school wasn’t finished or whatever else was going on..
         She wants a baby. The last two times we’ve slept together.. no form of birth control what so ever. We both know that and what the results can be. I know she’s had a rough past. I don’t know why I’m so hooked on her. I, myself have my own home, an engineer and personal trainer, have two new vehicles and very independent. She on the other hand lives at home with parents.. currently unemployed and in school. When we go out I pick her up. She’s abt an hour away. It’s all fine when we’re together. She’s very attentive with me but once she’s back home.. I feel like I’m nothing to her. She finally texted me this morning saying “Have a good day at work.” I replied, “Have a good day in class.” Response followed by her, “Thanks. :)” Am I being stringed along? Is she wanting to get pregnant by me? Why does she pay attention to other guy’s on social media more than me? Why do I care so much? Please help. Thank you

      2. Hi Chris,

        I hate to tell you, but yes you are being strung along. The first thing that stuck out to me is that you attempted to be exclusive with the young lady only 3 dates in. I’m not one to tell someone it cannot be love at first site, but from the wishy-washy activity of the young lady, I would say you have to read people a little better. The way she disappeared initially tells me she was not ready for exclusivity. With that said, I think the young lady has consistently displayed she is not ready to be in a relationship. She probably is dating other men, which you already assume, and the big question you have to ask yourself is “why are you attracted to someone who doesn’t want you.” She may want you later, when she is ready, on her time, but she does not want you right now. You are concerned about her interaction with other men on social media, but your main focus should be why you care so much and what is it really about this young lady that attracts you. What is her depth that attracts you to her? If you take time to answer these questions and really think about your experience with this young lady, hopefully you can escape before she pulls your string so much into having a baby. Good luck Chris and I truly appreciate you sharing.

      3. Thank you! I love your blog. Though I am still not an expert on women stringing me along, I’ve learn a lot from my experience. Why would I even continue wasting my time for a woman who just frustrates me. And Chris I feel you bro. She only wants you when she feels like it and no regards to your feelings, wants, & needs. Whatever her issues are, believe me you don’t want to swim in it or you will drown. These types of women feed off attention, care only about themselves, and only give you scraps to string you along. Because nice people (guys & girls) appreciate the little things people do for them. But to selfish women, these little scraps are the little things we appreciate. My opinion, cut off contact and you will feel good about yourself. The right woman likes a man who feels good about themselves, because she knows she will feel good being with him. You just have to let her go, in your heart forgive her for hurting you, because it can affect the next woman you date. Good luck and I know you will find someone that will treat you the way you want to be treated.

  6. Great article, I think I am going to a similar experience at work, I recently met a female co-worker who is really hot. At first we were emailing each other, then we started going out to lunch almost every day. But here the catch she is married, and she keep complaining to me about how unfaithful her husband is to her. At work we are constantly emailing each other every day, she worked in a different building then me, every time I ask her if I could come by to visit her, she always say no. Today she asked me to go to the store to buy her a diet soda, which I did……. so I don’t understand why it’s okay if I come over for this but not casual visit. Every weekend I always send her a personal email, and she will never response, she stated that she was too busy, or her husband is next to her. She also says that her husband is really attached to her, and he will show up any minute just to check on her. I know she is stringing me along, and I am getting really frustrated, but I keep falling in to her trap. Today she said that we are only friends and co-workers, but on the emails that she is sending me is playing a different tune. Can anyone help me with this?

  7. So she was up for meeting for drinks all week but on the day we are to meet she pulls out saying to much going on she was still up for it last night am I being played as she said maybe next week

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