In Monday’s post “Stop Stringing Him Along,” I talked about the “just in case” dude. As mentioned in the post, this is the man (dude) that a woman may hold on to just in case she’s lonely, just in case she’s rejected by her real love interest, and the list goes on. I advised the ladies to stop stringing men along, however at the end of the post I asked “Do men know the signs when a woman is uninterested or are they settling?” I can imagine a group of men answering these questions differently, especially depending on the woman they’re dating. A woman can be a great actress and act interested, but in reality she is just stringing him along. In dealing with an actress, men are not at fault for being the ‘just in case” dude. The men that should know better, are the ones with women who are giving clear signs that she is uninterested. I agree that women should be honest and tell men what’s really going on, but unfortunately it’s the nature of the game. Men just have to filter out the women that play the game, and they can start by knowing the signs. So fellas listen up!
You know you’re the “just in case” dude when…
1) She exhibits NO AFFECTION: Fellas check your woman’s body language. If she is truly interested in you, she will definitely touch you in some way. That does not mean she has to jump all over you, but for women it’s all about the little things. A hand on your knee, softly rubbing your back, holding your hand, etc. A kiss is tricky depending on what courtship level you’re on. She may want to take things slow if you’ve only had a few dates, however she will show affection in other ways. She may sit close to you, again she may hold your hand, or she may hug you passionately. It is better for you if she does the little things to be affectionate, rather immediately jumping your bones. At least you’ll know she’s interested on a more solid level. However don’t be naive like my friend’s “just in case” dude “Brian,” who I mention in “Stop Stringing Him Along.” She only kissed him twice within five months of dating. If she doesn’t do the little things AND she barely kisses you, then it’s clear you’re the “just in case” dude.
2) She DOES NOT CALL YOU: If a woman does not call you during the week, but randomly calls on a Saturday night and says “Hey, you want to hang out,” that means she was bored and you were her last option to go out. Women who are interested, call and make plans! If you find yourself calling her all the time, then you have a problem. I don’t believe in being “too busy to call” because if she makes time to eat lunch, drive home, use the bathroom, etc., then she has time to call you. You can always test her by not calling for at least 2-3 days from your last phone call, and if she doesn’t call you then you know what it is. Furthermore, if you’re always getting her voicemail…need I say more?
3) She only dates you on HER TIME: An interested woman wants to spend time with you. That is her way of getting to know you. Talking on the phone is cool, but time spent together is important. If the only time you spend with her, is on her time, then she’s put you on the sideline. Women who sideline men may call often to keep you interested, but you hardly go out. She uses the excuse she’s too busy, she has a lot to do over the weekend, she has family in town, bah, blah, blah. Every time you make an effort to see her, she is unavailable. But think about when you do finally see her. Who initiated the date? She did. Who did she know would be available? She knew you’d be available. Why? Because she’s probably already tested you or you probably did too much to begin with. If a woman keeps putting you off, but you continue to call, then she figures that you’re that dude that never gives up; hence you become the “just in case” dude. She knows she can put you off, you’ll still call periodically, and when she’s finally ready or bored, you’ll be ready and willing.
Unfortunately fellas it’s all a game. The biggest problem with women is they dont’ want to be alone. They string men along whom they have zero interest in, and it’s all for the sake of having that male comfort in their lives, at least for the time being. For some women it’s not even a well-thought out plan, it just happens. I’m speaking from experience, so I know how easy it is to unconsciously string a man along for selfish reasons. Fortunately for me I got to a point of self-reflection, and I realized how stupid it was. Just recently I realized I was doing it again. I finally kept it real with the guy and told him to stop calling me because I’m simply not interested. I had to do spring cleaning on my phone and in my life because at 27 I am tired of wasting time; his and mine. I preach to the ladies all the time about letting a man go if he is not making a real effort, and the same goes for men. Don’t make her a priority if you’re not her priority. Cut the string!!