Stop Stringing Him Along


Ladies why do we string men along? You know what I’m talking about! We have the one guy who we adore, but we’re not quite sure about yet. Then we have the other guy who we really don’t care for, but he does nice things. Every situation is different, obviously, but we’ve all been in a situation where we held on to a man because we knew we could. A friend of mine, who kindly allowed me to talk about her experience, recently had this predicament with two men she dated. One man, let’s call him “Ricky,” she was very much interested in. She talked about him all the time, she was affectionate with him, and would be in a relationship with him in a heart beat. Then there’s “Brian,” who she barely mentioned, she kissed him twice within five months, and would drop him in a heart beat if “Ricky” wanted to be in a relationship. So why string “Brian” along if she is uninterested? For women in general the reasons vary , but one thing is clear. “Brian” and men in his situation are the “just in case” dude. For example, Brian is there just in case things don’t work out with “Ricky.” Just in case she is bored on a Saturday night. Just in case she feels down and needs to feel desired and wanted by somebody, anybody. I’m sure there are more reasons why women string men along “just in case,” but these are the few I’ve observed or personally experienced. Yes I am guilty of it too! Some women intend to string men along, however, there are women, like myself, who don’t do it purposefully. Either way ladies, it is a Dating Don’t!

A while back I found myself stringing a “Brian” along, and the end result was bad…for him. He was the nicest man I dated since I’d become single. He was gentleman, considerate, family oriented, and ambitious. An established professional with his own place, no children, and never married. Sounds like a dream man huh? Well naturally there were a few snags. We didn’t share the same interests, he was a know-it-all, and I simply was not attracted to him. Unfortunately he suffered from the Cornball Syndrome. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I was not immediately honest with him about my feelings. Why? I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about three months prior to dating him and I was feeling down, so I held on to him “just in case” I needed to feel desired and wanted by somebody, anybody. Sounds awful I know. I also continued to date him because I was trying to convince myself to stick it out because he at least possessed some of the qualities I looked for in a mate. So what if he didn’t make me laugh, what’s the big deal if he was a know-it-all, and everything I said became a “who’s right and who’s wrong” battle? Why should it bother me if he’s thirty-eight, but still dresses like he’s sixteen? I was holding on “just in case” my feelings changed. They never did. Eventually I realized I was being selfish. While I wasted time justifying why I should hold on to him, his feelings for me were growing. We were on two different levels. The situation was unfair to him and to myself. He was thinking about a relationship and traveling together, and I was wondering if I could tolerate his boring personality. I should have been honest a lot sooner.

Ladies it doesn’t take long to know whether or not you are interested in a man. It also doesn’t take long to know what type of man you are dating. If the two of you are just “having a good time,” then no harm will be done. Feelings can be hurt however, if you date a man knowing he is more interested in you, than you are in him. Women know what to say to string a man along and there comes a time to stop playing games, especially if you are a certain age. It is only a waste of time. The more time spent with a man you don’t like, is time spent away from meeting someone you may like. It’s not any better than settling, and why settle? Be real with men and be true to yourselves. Release the strings!

*On the contrary, I often wonder if the “just in case” dude knows their woman is not interested. Do these men know the signs when a woman is not interested or are they settling too? Hmm this may be a discussion for a later post. To be continued…

Advertisements

21 comments

  1. Well, Well, Well….Now it all comes out !!! Seems to me to be a whole lot of “NO GOOD BROTHER” posts on this site but finally we focus on the Sista’s !….. This is one of the worse things you can do to a man. And then women wonder why when they are finally ready to let the guy know that they are not interested, he turns into a physco and cant understand what went wrong…. He starts showing up at your house, at your nail shop, laudry mat, fried fish spot, beauty parlor, Pizza spot, Rite Aid, Gas Station…. Im telling you, Ladies… DONT DO IT !!!

    SIS your doing a great job….. MUAH LOL

    1. LMAO!! I don’t write posts about “NO GOOD BROTHERS,” lol. I just simply write about my observations and/or personal experiences. But I understand where you’re coming from, so I’m happy I made you happy lol.
      You’re absolutely right, it’s unfair to the fellas to be strung along, but he better not show up to the house, the nail shop, etc. LOL! Fellas that definitely a Dating Don’t!

      You are hilarious and thanks so much for you support!! LoL MUAH

      1. He has got a point. Many men constantly show up at a girl’s doorstep etc. after a breakup because the girl has been stringing him along for so long, buildings his hopes and feelings, and then suddenly drops him out of the blue with no sense of closure. The guy becomes desperate in his attempts to understand what just happened and find a sense of closure. It is usually a woman’s fault when I guy acts crazy after a break up because she led him down the crazy making game path of stringing him along. In this case, it is often more the girl who is the crazy one than the guy showing up at her house begging her back and desperately seeking answers.

  2. hello…guys have been stringing women along for years so what is good for the goose is good for the gander….TS

    1. Wow, that’s got to be the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard. Someone was an asshole to you, so you have to be an asshole to some other sod, and so the cycle of asshole behaviour continues for years to come destroying many decent men and women. Grow up!

  3. I am in this exact perdicatment. I know I don’t love my “Brian”, but he is a family man, wants to settle down, does anything I ask, takes me to expensive dinners, travels abroad, my son finally likes a man that has come around, but I don’t love him. I don’t want to be with him. I like spending time with him, but I don’t want to make love to him. In the beginning, he was the rebound guy, after my break up with my boyfriend. We had sex all the time, and I throughly enjoyed it. Then his and my finances went to hell (especially mine b/c remember I have just broken up with my ex who helped out financially) in the winter, so I picked up a 2nd job, he didn’t, but still wanted to continue with the relationship. I have never struggled with a man, and never will, I can do that on my own. So when I started seeing the light financially, my feelings for him had already changed. Now he is trying to do all the things he didn’t do then, and the window of opportunity for me to fall for him has come and gone. I don’t want to let him go for fear that I have the “treat the good guy bad” syndrome. However, essentially, I have to be a grown woman and eventually be honest with him, but that’s the thing, I have told him in so many ways and actions that I do not want a “daily” relationship. He went psycho one weekend, like the guy aforementioned above in your blog, and that’s when I told him, “let’s slow down, because I think we started off too fast, and now I don’t know what I want, but I certainly want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me, being that I don’t want what you want in a relationship right now.” His response was, “ok, but i’m not giving up that easy, i will wait”?!?!?!? So now, I don’t know what to do. I don’t call him, he rarely gets to see me, as I am always at work, or resting from work, or dealing with my child(that’s what I tell him). He insisted on taking me out of town for my birthday, I didn’t want to, but dang he kept pestering me so I went. Now I just want to end this charade. He knows the deal. I know he knows. I don’t hug him, or….i don’t know, it’s just so fake. Why is he doing this to me an d won’t take the hint and just walk away.

    1. Hey D! I’ve been there before and you have to make the final straw your choice and not his. Clearly he is comfortable being in the position you put him in, so he’s not going to budge until you make him. I’m sure you know what you have to do. I think as women we hold onto men we don’t love or even like because we’re fearful of being alone…truly alone (no dates, no prospects, no dinners, no phone calls, no texts, etc.) You get my point. You know your final straw and you have to make that move when you’re ready to be left alone…for real. Don’t leave the decision up to him.

  4. Im only in high school and I’m doing this… Does that mean its acceptable or still a crummy thing to do? The guy is a friend who graduated a year a head of me and is really a wonderful person. The issue is he is unmotivated and I really do not feel a strong attraction towards him. We kissed once at a party and he continues to ask me out. Is it wrong of me to use him when he wants more? Or does my youth make it okay to string along a sweet but bland guy? I like feeling desired but I do not want to hurt him.

  5. That recently happened to me with a girl I met. I was told she liked me after a month, and since id kept the shutters up having he last relationship being a total hell ride, i started investing. Eventually after a while she gave me the i like you but I’m busy…i think she just wanted someone around. The next week she kissed me, and then the next day i tried kissing her, in the passionate way, and got the “i like you intellectually etc i ant to like you”…being the Gary cooper type i nodded and left, tried the friend thing, but it was bottled up. Eventually it broke through…the friendship just seemed a charade and i felt used. I said no more and left, but still texted from time to time. After a while i texted her giving her the option of friends, but she declined- personally, i think I’m better off without her as a friend, she was careless as a person. I still miss her…not in that way. But at the same time, I saw myself in your post, going out of my way to be nice etc.

    I decided to not do that, well not as much. Just started dating a nice girl, exceptionally bright, funny, imaginative, so all in all it all works out. But the memory still hurts, no one likes being made out to be a fool. And the worse thing is looking in hindsight i can easily see the markers for her behaviour, and i wonder whether i knew at the time.

    1. Hi Kyle! Thanks for sharing your experience! I’m sorry you had to endure being strung along, but I am glad you didn’t allow that experience to harden you. Now you are dating a nice girl. Sometimes it takes the rough experiences to see what are errors are so that we can move forward and be with someone who appreciates us. Good luck to you in your new experience, and continue dating with common sense!

  6. Society teaches girls to date guys they aren’t interested in. Girls have been stringing guys along for many years because it makes them feel good. Girls don’t know what they want in a guy.

  7. This is from a guys perspective answering your bottom question: yes we know we are being strung along. It hurts. Badly. Especially when you say things like “I miss you” or “I wish y to u were here” etc. Bcause fuys, as much as they are portrayed to be mindless idiots in todays media And society, do pick up on this, and in a way are settling to. TThey are lonely and dont have girlfriends, but anything is better than being alone, so they suck up their pride and pretend a little that they are special. It feels nice to be appreciated, even just a little bit, so we take what we can get. But seriously, you guys should know what this does to us. It tears us up. We have to continually be there at your beck and call, and make you feel better even if we KNOW we arent going to have a relationship with you in the future. Some of us just do it because we are told that if we are nice to girls, that there will be a payoff and thats not true. But we aret bitter. Im not bitter. It just hurts and sometimes I wish you would find the strength to push past your pride and tell us even if its tough. It beats having our hopes steadily risen and then dashed. This is how ya get MMGTOW’s. Anyway have a great day.

  8. I know someone who has had many Brian’s and is still single! She is a Brian specialist. I was one of them. We hung out a lot and she knew I liked her but she was cleverly non committal. Then One day she went on a tirade on why she would not date me, the opening line was “you don’t wear a nice watch and you carry an old wallet”. Then on and on about how I had not travelled enough and my hobbies were not that exciting. I was all about family and career. That’s what she said. Anyways I stopped contact, met someone else and got a great relationship. She is still doing it to other guys.

  9. Yes dudes know when a woman is stringing him along, but he also feels that if he hangs on long enough, he may be able to reel her into his side.

  10. Guys like Brian are what we call “pussies”. If a woman does not put out in the first three dates, she’s not into you and you should move on. Never ever spend more than a few bucks on her, hoping this will increase your chances, IT DOES NOT WORK! Make it clear to her that you find her attractive and if she doesn’t find you attractive to tell you up front, none of the “let’s be friends” garbage. So guys, no poon within 3 dates, cut your losses and move on. Don’t forget to double and tripple shift to increase your chances with more ladies, never let on you are only dating her.

  11. Great article!

    As a man who has been on the receiving end of this, I can tell you that it is extremely hurtful to be strung along like this. You end up feeling like an absolute fool, hurt and just feel like you want to lock your heart away and never be emotionally available to another woman so that you’re not hurt like this again. Many end up being convinced that it’s better to have no emotions and just treat women like a sexual tool and with no respect. Alternatively some address their hurt with anger or taking it out on the next poor woman he comes across. Fortunately for me, I was saved from losing hope in women and remained optimistic. Thank God!

    Ladies, we men don’t open our hearts for anyone or all that often, but when we do the worst thing you can do is make us feel like we were a fool for doing so. We can’t handle feeling inadequate or weak and would never lower our guard for just anyone, however, you have an amazing ability to convince us to open up, to lower our guard and be vulnerable.

    With that in mind, you’re way better off just shooting us down at the first sight of the door to our hearts slightly opening than allowing us to open our hearts completely and string us along. What hurts is not the fact that you had someone else in mind or that you weren’t happy with what we had to offer, it’s the fact that you allowed us to have hope, to lower our guard and place ourselves in a vulnerable situation despite every instinct of ours before you then ripped our world apart, leaving us with pain, regret for having emotions and opening up, anger, disillusion in women, etc. A man lowering his guard and opening up is one of the most precious gifts he can give you. Don’t make him regret it.

    We men are a tough breed though. We get over it. However, the next time a great woman comes along, we may just be a lot more reserved, cautious and apprehensive about being honest and open with her.

    Awful men can destroy great women and awful women can destroy great men. Don’t be part of the ugly cycle that is destroying great people.

  12. This can destroy the confidence of an otherwise confident person. If the receiver is not picking up that they are being strung along, it invariably makes the result worse.
    If you know you aren’t going to ever give them a fair chance, you should not pretend that you will.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s