Ladies why do we string men along? You know what I’m talking about! We have the one guy who we adore, but we’re not quite sure about yet. Then we have the other guy who we really don’t care for, but he does nice things. Every situation is different, obviously, but we’ve all been in a situation where we held on to a man because we knew we could. A friend of mine, who kindly allowed me to talk about her experience, recently had this predicament with two men she dated. One man, let’s call him “Ricky,” she was very much interested in. She talked about him all the time, she was affectionate with him, and would be in a relationship with him in a heart beat. Then there’s “Brian,” who she barely mentioned, she kissed him twice within five months, and would drop him in a heart beat if “Ricky” wanted to be in a relationship. So why string “Brian” along if she is uninterested? For women in general the reasons vary , but one thing is clear. “Brian” and men in his situation are the “just in case” dude. For example, Brian is there just in case things don’t work out with “Ricky.” Just in case she is bored on a Saturday night. Just in case she feels down and needs to feel desired and wanted by somebody, anybody. I’m sure there are more reasons why women string men along “just in case,” but these are the few I’ve observed or personally experienced. Yes I am guilty of it too! Some women intend to string men along, however, there are women, like myself, who don’t do it purposefully. Either way ladies, it is a Dating Don’t!
A while back I found myself stringing a “Brian” along, and the end result was bad…for him. He was the nicest man I dated since I’d become single. He was gentleman, considerate, family oriented, and ambitious. An established professional with his own place, no children, and never married. Sounds like a dream man huh? Well naturally there were a few snags. We didn’t share the same interests, he was a know-it-all, and I simply was not attracted to him. Unfortunately he suffered from the Cornball Syndrome. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I was not immediately honest with him about my feelings. Why? I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about three months prior to dating him and I was feeling down, so I held on to him “just in case” I needed to feel desired and wanted by somebody, anybody. Sounds awful I know. I also continued to date him because I was trying to convince myself to stick it out because he at least possessed some of the qualities I looked for in a mate. So what if he didn’t make me laugh, what’s the big deal if he was a know-it-all, and everything I said became a “who’s right and who’s wrong” battle? Why should it bother me if he’s thirty-eight, but still dresses like he’s sixteen? I was holding on “just in case” my feelings changed. They never did. Eventually I realized I was being selfish. While I wasted time justifying why I should hold on to him, his feelings for me were growing. We were on two different levels. The situation was unfair to him and to myself. He was thinking about a relationship and traveling together, and I was wondering if I could tolerate his boring personality. I should have been honest a lot sooner.
Ladies it doesn’t take long to know whether or not you are interested in a man. It also doesn’t take long to know what type of man you are dating. If the two of you are just “having a good time,” then no harm will be done. Feelings can be hurt however, if you date a man knowing he is more interested in you, than you are in him. Women know what to say to string a man along and there comes a time to stop playing games, especially if you are a certain age. It is only a waste of time. The more time spent with a man you don’t like, is time spent away from meeting someone you may like. It’s not any better than settling, and why settle? Be real with men and be true to yourselves. Release the strings!
*On the contrary, I often wonder if the “just in case” dude knows their woman is not interested. Do these men know the signs when a woman is not interested or are they settling too? Hmm this may be a discussion for a later post. To be continued…