How do I update my Dating Pool??
So, I am single (again) and Loving it!!! 34 yr. and a professional… But I realized that I need to improve my dating pool… meaning…meet a different caliber of Guys. I want to meet professionals that are established in their careers and able to have fun and knows that “Applebees” is NO longer an appropriate Date Spot….
How do you do this?….. Suggestions???
Ms. Ready to Mingle
‘Ms. Ready to Mingle’ sounds a lot like me. Newly single, ready to mingle, but mingling with less-than desirable men. You posed a great question, “How do I update my dating pool?” I’ve personally avoided and struggled with this question. It’s one of those things where you know what you need to do to change circumstances, but either you don’t have the urge or energy to do it. However, it sounds like you, ‘Ms. Ready to Mingle,’ have the urge and willingness to get out there. My suggestions may have already been attempted or they may be brand new, either way updating the dating pool is not easy. We have to do the opposite of whatever we are doing now, to add variety to the pool. I have three suggestions to expand the pool, and number one is crucial. (Let me be clear that as I talk to you, I am talking to myself :))
1) Reflect on your habits and recognize what YOU are doing wrong
This may sound like I’m putting the blame on you, and you’re right! The change starts within! You are to blame if we continue to add the same ingredients to the pot. So for example, you’d like to meet a different caliber of men, so that means you have to do a better job of filtering men. It’s easy to date the same type of men because it’s habit. Habits must die in order for change to happen. Reflect on how, where, and under what circumstances you meet the men who think “Applebees” is an appropriate date spot. Is it a vibe that you give off, or is he giving you clues early on, which tell you he’s an “Applebees” kind of guy. Of course I mention “Applebees” because it was mentioned, but it’s much deeper than “Applebees.” You know what type of man you want to date, so be observant of what type of men you attract. Observe what type of man he is from the time he says “hello,” and how he says “hello.” A man’s approach tells a lot about him. You can’t be too judgmental from “hello” and limit your options too much, but be clear of what your attraction is to the man. If it’s solely based on looks, then you can’t be mad if he takes you to “Applebees,” but if you like his humor or charisma, then he might be worth adding to your pool. Be mindful of your current dating patterns, and try not to fall into the same rut.
2) Take your time in life
How often do you slow down? As a single professional woman (especially if you have a child/children), you probably rush through the little things in life. It may sound silly, but it’s true. Recently I’ve discovered that there are some FOINE (that’s ‘fine’ with a twist) men at the grocery store. Seriously!! Whether they are single or not, I don’t know, but just the idea that there are options is enough. People have it stuck in their head that they’ll find a mate at the club or at some event. In all actuality it may happen at anytime during your daily routine. I’m not a believer in hunting for a mate, but I am a believer in “when it’s meant to be, it will be.” Sometimes love hits you when you least expect it. You may not meet your next mate during a girls-night-out at the club, but rather you may meet him at the mall, grocery store, post office, etc. When you can, slow down in your day-to-day tasks and live in the moment. When you’re in a rush you walk fast, talk fast, think fast, and men may find it hard to catch up.
3) Be open-minded and venture into new territory
I’ll admit number three is a hard one for me. To meet a different caliber of men, we have to be open-minded to new places and new routines. I imagine most people, get into a routine with our extra-curricular activities. During your free time, you do the same things, go to the same places, and see the same people (or different people, but the same types). You have to expand your horizons, and that may mean doing things by yourself. That last comment was hard to say because I sure don’t do it! I find it hard to go places by myself, but I’ve also noticed that if I don’t do it by myself, I’m further limiting my experiences and opportunities. For example, if I want to go to a movie, but my girls either don’t want to or they can’t, I tend to stay in the house. What’s stopping me from going to the movie by myself? What’s stopping you? In certain situations you have to consider doing things on your own, especially if you have friends who have different lifestyles than you (sole-custody single parent, married, or in a relationship). Their Friday or Saturday night availability may be totally different from yours. Of course as women we have to be careful and make wise decisions about where we go on our own, but we have to at least be open to the idea. The more time spent in the house, is more time spent isolated. The more you are out and about, the more opportunity you have to meet different people. You have to get out and put yourself out there that your single and ready to mingle!
A friend of mine, Travis Williams, recently said “Successful women are always getting compliments, but never getting dates. Tragic.” He couldn’t be more right, but as a woman, you have to do a better job at making yourself available to the men you want to attract. I can say that because I know I’m not doing everything I could be doing. So thank you ‘Ms. Ready to Mingle,’ and let’s work on getting our groove back!!
*What’s your dating pool like?