Ladies listen up! Did you know there are rules in marriage? Yes you heard me right, I said rules! I’ve never been married, so of course my perception of marriage is from the outside looking in, however, I thought I would have at least heard about the rules. If you are just as oblivious as I was about these rules, then allow me to give you the scoop. I had the pleasure of talking to a few men, who will remain nameless ;), about dating and relationships. They so passionately informed me about at least one rule in marriage. No it’s not an obvious “no cheating” rule. It’s actually a lot less complicated than that, or at least I think so. One important rule in marriage, according to “these men,” is that a woman must change her last name when getting married. Now I know you’re probably saying “Duh I already knew that!” What you did not know, however, is that you are NOT allowed to hyphenate your name if you want to…of course that’s according to “these men.” Hyphens break the rule in marriage. Yes ladies it is so simple! Take your husbands name in its entirety and all will be well. Sooo can you guess what I think about this rule? It’s BULLSHIT!!!
Let me first say that I didn’t know men cared so much about a their wife hyphenating their maiden and married names. With all the other aspects of marriage to think about, some men probably don’t focus on the name so much, however, “these men” that I spoke with were adamant about their displeasure in women breaking the name rule. If you’re like me, you’re probably asking “What’s the big deal?” The men felt women require men to follow the other rules in marriage, so likewise women should follow should change their maiden name in its entirety. I was, and I still am baffled by this theory because I didn’t know marriage had or required rules. If there were marriage rules, then marriage would be easy as pie; just don’t break the rules. It’s not that simple though. There are no rules in marriage, and each marriage will be different because it involves different people, different values, and different opinions. In my opinion, the name rule is downright stupid. So what if I want to hyphenate my maiden name with my married name? Why would something so minimal become so significant in the beginning stages of a marriage? Does hyphenating names mean the woman loves her man any less? Does it mean she doesn’t respect the marriage? Absolutely NOT!! A woman can hyphenate her names for several reasons, which I agree she should discuss the matter with her husband, but she should not feel obligated to change her name in its entirety for the sake of a rule.
Some feminists might argue that a woman taking her husband’s last name is powerFUL to men and powerLESS to women. I am not a feminist, so I don’t necessarily agree or disagree with feminists theories. However, I do believe in women having a choice, regardless of the reasons why. Nowadays women are keeping their maiden name and marrying, or their husbands are taking their last name. I personally don’t want either choice for myself, but the reality is that we ALL have choices. There are no rules! Cheating is not a rule, rather it’s a choice. If cheating were a rule, then there’d be no such thing as “open relationships.” People choose to be in certain relationships and people choose to perform acts of betrayal. For those who want to talk religion, well, be careful before you judge. I’m sure there are more serious beliefs and sins to be concerned with in your relationship rather than a name change. So to the men I spoke with, I guess you won the battle in your marriages. For the men who have not yet entered marriage territory, choose your battles wisely. Think about all the reasons why you want to marry your woman, and if it’s really real, the hyphen won’t matter.
Rasia Middleton – ??? 🙂