The other day I was reflecting on my past dating experiences, and realized I date monogamously. I date one person at a time. I don’t subconsciously do it, but I noticed that it’s something I’ve done consistently. So I started thinking, why do single people date monogamously? Why do we further limit ourselves in a lifestyle that already has so many limitations. We all have limits in who we find attractive, the characteristics we look for, their values, and the list goes on and on. So why do we sabotage ourselves from dating an additional person who possesses our desired qualities? There are a few dynamics that attribute to this habit. Gender, culture, and fear play significant roles in why single people date monogamous.
I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that more women date monogamously than men do. However, I can only speak from my personal experiences. Looking back on my past relationships and/or dating experiences, it appears I always got caught up in the moment. My pattern has been that I meet someone, we have good chemistry, we spend a lot of time together, then it either fizzles out or it progresses into a relationship. When the chemistry is good, he becomes my main interest. If we talk, text, and go out often, I get sucked into monogamous dating . I get so comfortable talking and spending time with this one person, that it just happens. For some reason I think it’s a lot easier for women to become comfortable and fall into a rut, then it is for men. It’s easier for men to shop around, so to speak, and date a few women at a time. Women like the stability of dating one person, but it also has a lot to do with culture.
As little girls we are taught that our reputation is gold. We have to make sure we don’t say or do anything that will potentially taint our precious reputation. It would look bad if different men picked you up for dates. What would the neighbors say? Women also have to worry about teetering on the line between being a lady and being a ho. You know how it is. If she’s dating more than one man, she must be screwing all of them, and so she has to be a ho. Some women probably make the conscious decision not to date multiple men at one time because they don’t want to appear loose. This is where the fear sets in. Some women fear being perceived as a ho, which is why even if they are dating multiple men, they probably won’t disclose it. Men don’t disclose this either. I’m not saying to tell your date everything about who you are dating, but it’s important to let him/her know they are not the only one. It’s the best way to avoid confusion. Maybe that is why some of my past dating experiences eventually fizzled out. Between the two of us, I may have been the only one monogamously dating. If two people aren’t on the same accord, then the “relationship” or friendship is bound to fail.
So I’m calling on all single folks, especially the ladies, to broaden our options and date freely! It’s time that we stop committing ourselves to one person and one situation that may not be long-term. Several months ago I turned down an opportunity because I was monogamously dating someone who had peaked my interest, at least for the time being. When the interest fizzled, I thought about the tall, handsome, and nice guy in the suit. What if? I will never know, but I guarantee it will never let that happen again. You know when it’s the right person and the right time to commit, but don’t put all your eggs in one basket too soon. If you’re just letting things flow and just “having a good time,” then don’t be afraid to explore other options. Think of it as a dating recession because it’s slim pickings out there. You can be picky about the offers you accept, but you have to make yourself available to the opportunities.
Posted on May 26, 2011, in Dating Don'ts and tagged Basics, Communicate, Date, Dating, Dating Do, Dating Don't, Flaws, Flirt, Friendship, Habits, Lifestyle, Limits, Monogamy, Relationships, Secure, Settle, Simple, Spontaneity. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.