I sooo dislike the term ‘baby-mama,’ but it’s become the staple meaning of an out-of-wedlock single mother. For the purposes of this post, however, divorcee’s are included under the term ‘baby-mama.’ ‘Baby-mama drama’ is the term used to describe the angry, bitter, heart-broken out-of-wedlock single mother. Both terms create hesitation on the part of a woman dating a man with a baby-mama and /or baby-mama drama. The hesitation develops from the understanding that along with the man, comes the kid(s) and the baby-mama. Women are very territorial with their men, so it takes an understanding woman to date a man with a baby-mama. Most women are less concerned about the kid(s), and are more concerned about the woman who will be apart of their lives for at least eighteen years. I’ve been the girlfriend of a man with a baby-mama and baby-mama drama. It is no easy task depending on how intense the drama is, but I have a few Do’s and Don’ts to share with you.
1) Don’t Get Involved in the Baby-mama Drama: It is only natural that a man will probably vent to their current woman about the qualms and disagreements between he and his baby-mama (I really hate this term). Your role at this point is to be a support to your man, not a coach. Listen and be attentive to his emotions, but don’t “egg him on.” The issues with the mother of his chid or MOC (much better) is his battle to fight, and your battle to be supportive of. You can make helpful suggestions, but leave the negative comments in your mind where they started.
2) Don’t Be Naive: It is important to understand early in your relationship that you and the MOC may not get along. Be prepared for the worse and hope for the best. Remember the not so funny sitcom “All of Us,” based on the relationship between Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Will’s ex-wife? The new wife and the ex-wife eventually became friends and everything was peachy-keen. Yeah that may not happen to you, so be ready if ish hits the fan!
3) Do-Let Your Man Handle It: If the MOC is constantly interfering in your relationship, let your man handle it. I touched on this before when I said it’s your man’s battle to fight. For example, if the MOC is being an instigator, bad-mouthing you, or being disrespectful, your man should handle it. I’m not saying don’t stick up for yourself, but your man should have already had the MOC in check! He should put her in her place long before she even gets to you. The more you entertain her shenanigans, the more she will feel like she’s winning. Furthermore, if he is not controlling the situation, then the MOC and her drama will be a constant problem in your relationship. Don’t let her win!
*Check out the Video Pick of the Week, Jill Scott’s “Gettin’ In The Way,” in the sidebar.