The Proposal: Why SHE Shouldn’t Propose


Last week I heard plenty of conversation about VH1’s Love & Hip Hop, and the proposal between Chrissy Lampkin and her fiance, rapper Jim Jones. The discussion wasn’t so much about the engagement itself, rather it was about the proposal. Chrissy proposed to Jim Jones. I don’t usually watch Love & Hip Hop, but I did watch the “proposal episode” to understand the dynamics of Chrissy and Jim Jones’ relationship. With all the discussion surrounding the proposal, the obvious questions arose, “Should a woman propose to a man?” Here is my take on Chrissy’s proposal, and women proposing to men in general.

After watching the “proposal episode” in its entirety, I was baffled as to why Chrissy thought her relationship was in a good place for an engagement at all. In the events leading up to the proposal, she makes the statements “Jimmy acts immature, maybe he’s not ready, he’s not responsible.” Chrissy verbalized all of the reasons why she shouldn’t get engaged or married, yet she proposes to “Jimmy” anyway. I’m not saying Jim Jones isn’t a good guy or a good boyfriend (I’ve only watched a twenty-minute clip of their relationship), but I think it speaks volumes that Chrissy and Jim have been together eight years and HE still hasn’t proposed. Chrissy stated that in the past she’s had to take control in their relationship, and this was another time she felt the need to take control. WRONG!!! She’s basically saying if he won’t do it, it will never happen. Proposal has nothing to do with control, but everything to do with timing and commitment. Jim Jones was not ready to be engaged to Chrissy, nor married, which is why he hadn’t proposed after eight years! I can bet any amount of money that an engagement to Chrissy was probably the last thing on his mind. That’s not to say Jim Jones doesn’t love Chrissy and care for her, but after eight years of co-habitation and a comfortable lifestyle, marriage is probably not a factor. I thought Chrissy made one, only one, wise decision regarding the proposal, and that was her decision not to perform a burlesque dance before the proposal. Really?? The “proposal episode” annoyed me beyond belief! I was annoyed that a grown woman still couldn’t see the dynamics of her own relationship after eight years. Jim Jones appears to be the type of man to put everything out in the open. I’m sure over the years he’s made it very clear who he is and what his priorities are. It’s obvious that marriage was not one of them.

Chrissy is not the first woman, nor will she be the last to propose to her boyfriend. Should women propose to their man? I say absolutely not! I’m not an expert on gender roles, and I can’t say I have a strong opinion on the recent societal discussions about gender roles, but I do believe a man should propose to a woman. Let a man be a man! Women have accomplished a lot in their fight for independence, respect, and the same rights as men, but that does not mean women have to dominate the roles of men. Some women might argue “why do women have to wait for men to get married?” Women don’t have to wait for anything!! If a man has made it clear he’s not ready for marriage, and a woman is ready, then that woman has a decision to make. She can either stay in the relationship to see where it goes, or she can leave. Yes a woman can leave a relationship! The problem is that some women are scared to leave, which is why they end up in uncommitted eight year relationships like Chrissy. Some couples make a conscious decision to avoid marriage, but when you have one half that wants to get married, after a certain period of time together (eight years for example), it’s called settling. I know someone who’s been in a relationship for over ten years, and she’s made the statement “if he doesn’t put a ring on it by the end of this year, I’m leaving.” No she’s not! She’s been settling for so long. If her man doesn’t do a damn thing different from what he’s done for the past 10+ years, she’s going to do the same thing she’s always done – deal with it! I don’t believe women should give ultimatums for marriage, nor do I believe women should lie to themselves. Ladies a man can be with a woman for years, but she still may not be “the one.” Instead of proposing to men, women should ask themselves “Why hasn’t he proposed and is he worth waiting for?”

>>>>>>>>Click here to watch Episode 6, The Proposal: Love & Hip Hop<<<<<<<<<

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16 comments

  1. Didn’t see the episode cause I hardly ever watch tv let alone a “reality” show about love smdh lol

    But I will say this if a women wants 2 propose 2 a man she has every rite 2 do so, cause from experience I know u can jump out there and get left hanging because a women wants 2 work on her career, school etc.
    After that u are not only hesistent 2 jump out there again but ur are fearful beyond belief. So u will never ask the girl 2 marry u again and will probably carry a 8 yr relationship wit the next cause a man only puts his pride and ego aside every blue moon and when they come back tattered
    He never wants 2 feel that feeling again and since women ultimately decide wheather a marriage is gona happen or not happen why not jus tell a fella when u ready?
    That shot in the dark sometimes can boomerang and be a shot 2 the heart.
    To me it doesn’t matter how it gets done
    As long as it gets done and the life long goal is accomplished for both parties, I try not 2 get caught up in traditional roles put on men and women by society because it leaves u in bondage and not free
    Free 2 do wats on ur mind in ur heart and in ur spirit
    Sometimes the norm is abnormal

    1. I agree a woman has a right to do whatever she chooses, however I’d take a good look at why she chooses to propose. Women often propose because their man is apparently taking too long. Let’s be real. A woman is not proposing to her man if they’ve had an open discussion about their desire to marry.
      Furthermore, I’ve been in a relationship with a man who “held back” because of a previous relationship that went sour. In my opinion this is not a reason for me to “jump out there” and propose to him. Anyone who let’s their past relationship affect their current relationship, should probably not be in a relationship. I wouldn’t want to be with a man eight years (uncommitted), for example, because he proposed to his ex and she turned him down. How is that fair to me? It’s not.
      I also disagree that women ultimately decide whether a marriage is going to happen or not. Marriage should be discussed among both parties, which is a good way to find out what each person’s goal for their future is. It shouldn’t be a one-sided decision.
      Regardless of who is proposing, the reasoning has to be rational. Women, more often than not, are not proposing for rational reasons.

  2. I’m torn between this article. I think woman can propose to their man. We are in the 21st century right lol. I don’t think that she should have proposed to Jim Jones after an 8 year relationship. She is just desperate. I don’t watch reality TV but i hear some stuff about that show. I don’t know how their relationship is nor do i care but i do agree that she proposed for all the wrong reasons.

    1. Stevie you’re right, we are in the 21st century, but I guess I’m old fashioned. I respect a woman who proposes for the right reasons (I couldn’t do it), but you’re right, Chrissy proposed for all the wrong reasons.

  3. Every pass relationship effects the current one
    Learning curves make things come full circle

    If he is struggling wats wrong wit giving him a little help
    Especialy if he is struggling due 2 past transgressions and especialy if he is worth it.

    As people we sometimes neglect where we should give credit and don’t accept things that arnt that prevalent and then make major issues out of em

    I would love 2 propose 2 the rite one but in the same breath if she feels the urge 2 take that step before me then I’m gona be rite there holding her hand making sure she don’t fall

    All in all as long as the end result is me kissing her in a all white tux
    I’m staight
    I overstand some people have certain fantasies mapped out in their heads since they were little tikes and a man on one knee asking u 2 be his forever is one of em

    But is losen the man worth the fantasy?

    We all have certain hang ups and that’s why ur significant other has 2 be the one 2 help u get through em regardless of how u got em or where they came from as long as y’all get where y’all need 2 go

    2 her Jim must have been worth it and hey who am I 2 tell her different
    Mite be 2gether for 60 years lol lol

    U jus never know
    The only thing I know for certain is that I know nothing lol lol

    1. Pith you’re the best! Not that agree with you completely, but because you’re creating dialogue which is exactly what I wanted from this blog. Regardless of my opinions, I appreciate your honest feedback. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! 🙂

  4. I agree with Pith on this one…. there are no guearantees in the love game…. all is fair in love and corn chips !!!

    There is no right or wrong when it comes to this… people kill me with the i am traditional one minute… then the i am the “think out of the box” person the next. My advice is to do whatever works for your particular situation.

    This is reality TV so that should tell you something right there because reality TV is scripted more than a television sitcom lol (but thats another story )….This woman felt like she wanted to do this, and we have no right to judge because all the information we have is what the show has given us. You only live once and if you sit around waiting for others to do what you want, you have missed the boat. Sure, she could have left him but she loves him and loves him enough to propose. Was it for the right reasons ???? Doesnt seem like it but then again, Im no love doctor and I can’t call it.

    If they r still married in 60 years then proposing was the best thing she could have done, if they divorce in 2, she will be called stupid. Either way, she took a shot… and in the end thats all we can do in life. Take a shot and work hard and hope for the best !!

    1. Damn the fellas are shutting me down today! LoL! I appreciate the feedback though. I understand the both point of views, however I’d be dishonest if I said you all swayed my opinion. I guess I’m old fashioned when it comes to proposals. I guess you can say I don’t have the guts, but it’s just something I would not do.

      I’m not judging the act of her proposing to her man so much as I am judging her reasoning. I understand it’s reality TV, but I approached it from a hypothetical position. I didn’t analyze the logistics of the show necessarily, but I understand what you’re saying.

      Thanks for your comment Conscious Cause I Said So (CCISS)! (We have to find you a shorter name LoL)

  5. Nah would never shut u down ms lady and u are entitled 2 have ur dreams fullfilled the way u want them 2
    Because u have a problem proposing 2 a man
    The man that’s for u will more then likely not have a proposal complex

    But if he does, jus try 2 bare with him
    A mans ego is fragile and if its hurt he becomes agile
    Hard 2 catch unless u willing 2 cop a bigger enough net 😉

    Question of the day is.

    Is He Worth It? 😉

    Ps. REALITY TV SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!
    Love sitcoms and reality shows ran them out the building lol
    Loved the material they would come up wit and the laughter they brought 2 families and households
    We don’t love wit reality shows we laught at em
    And there’s no underline, hidden message
    Jus a bunch of basic niccas and basic b*#ches doing basic ish

    I still watch different world re-runs and have a problem wit women who tune in to that garbage on a consisten basis
    I don’t like drama and the women who support reality tv love drama
    We a bad mixture, the frivalous fraudgalent felonies f#%kery disgust me lmao
    Sorry jus had 2 vent a bit lol lol

    (Bout 2 get on one knee and ask Rasia)

    WILL U ………….

    Help me up?
    I hurt my knee
    Lmao lol

    1. You are hilarious!!! That was a good one LoL. I agree about reality TV, but I guess it’s the same thing like you guys were saying about proposals…to each his/her own. I don’t watch Love & Hip Hop, but I know reality TV is scripted and not at all real. Who knows maybe the fad will eventually play itself out, but it’s had a long run so far, so time will only tell. I watch the sitcom re-runs, some reality TV, and crime shows…as long as I’m entertained, I’m good.
      The next time you get on bended knee, I won’t help you up LoL

  6. Lmao lol lol
    Don’t be a big meanie yo lol

    But I agree 2 each his own
    My only problem is where’s the balance?

    Same thing wit music
    Club music cool for the club but where’s the balance at?
    I don’t live in the damn club, rarely do I even go, can’t spring clean 2 strip club music lol lol

    I watch criminal minds that about it
    (Mainly for the quotes at the beginning and end though lol)

    They’ve ran me away from the tv and the radio
    Jus me my pen and my books now
    Oh yeah and this ring, I jus can’t figure out wat 2 do wit it lol lol

    Any suggestions? Lmao

    1. I’m sorry to hear that. I’m not sure why the site is not accessible on the droid. My only suggestion is to subscribe to the blog via email, and view the posts that way. I hope this helps!

  7. This is the first time that a book was so helpful I wanted to write a review. The book is written with a Christian focus, but the relationship issues that are identified are universal. My dating relationship had recently ended and reading this book was essential for the healing of my broken heart. I was able to see how my lack of boundaries contributed to our problems. I was also able to identify character deficits in my ex and understand that it was better to be alone than in an unhealthy relationship. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who wants to identify the recurring patterns in their relationships and take ownership for their role in these patterns so that they can have more satisfying relationships inthe future.

  8. I agree with your articles about Chrissy proposing and how this relationship with turn out. You make some very very good points. I really like your perspective. We are in the 21st century and women need to make the best moves for themselves but a man has to be a man. Men come to marriage when they are ready. We have to give them a reason to marry us and visa versa. You made a good point, Chrissy had all the reasons why she should not marry Jim. She is settling. I think alot of women do that. If we propose we are playing ourselves. Notice how she did it in public…on tv…she put him on the spot….she wanted this to play out in the public eye and have some wind as a story….make the world ask him what he is going to do. If she really loved him, she would have thought about how that might impact their level of intimacy. I would never put a celebrity boyfriend in that position. LIke hey babe I set it up….the cameras are in your face and since I am on a reality tv show you are going to be forced to deal with this….that is alot of pressure. I have a feeling Jim Jones sees his hustle at work in doing this reality show. He simply wants to stay relevant and promote his brands for free and create a buzz…he had no idea she would make their “not married status” the focal point and a source of tension and drama. Chrissy is jealous of Yandy because she has no career or function. And lastly, JIm Jones is not going to marry her. He is going to settle down with a woman with class, who does not fight and act crazy. When he gets ready to get married it won’t be her type. I am sure of that. She is good for what she does for him now. Look at the artists who marry….loook at their women…none of them are crazy, loud, hoe looking women who fight…look at any of them.

    1. You took the words right out of my mouth! I agree with everything you said. I don’t know where Chrissy’s animosity for Yandy came from, and it appears to be made-for-tv. After the club fight on the other night’s episode, Chrissy looks like a fool. She is too grown to revert to High School actions, and I’m sure Jim is beyond embarrassed. Who knows what will happen in their relationship, but if Chrissy does not get it together I think she’ll be the one left with egg on her face.

      Why can’t these grown women get it together!?! LoL

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