Who would have thought one day I’d use the popular 90’s sitcom, Family Matters, as a dating tool for men? Not me, but believe it or not it exemplifies the exact message I want to portray to men; being insecure and a pushover gets you no where in dating! Remember how Steve Urkel ran after Laura Winslow, begged for a date, a kiss, or whatever he could get? Time after time Laura expressed her disinterest, but she also knew when to use him for her benefit. Yes, Steve Urkel may have been too oblivious to be insecure, but he definitely was a pushover. I’m sure Laura had other reasons why she rejected Steve (Haha), but I’m sure his lack of strength played a part in her decision. Think about it. Laura would drool whenever Steve went into his transformation machine to change to his alter ego Stephan Urquelle. Ladies don’t front, you were drooling too! (Hmm maybe not so much now) Back then there was something appealing about Stephan and the ladies loved him for it. Stephan had swagga, he was smooth, he was attractive, but more appealing than anything else, he was confident and strong. Fellas that’s what the ladies want! A man who is an insecure pushover, won’t last too long dating a confident woman. I’ve talked to the ladies in previous posts about loving themselves (Playing Catch Up; Ladies Stop Blaming Men!!!; Candid Conversation), but now I have to talk to the fellas because some of you just don’t have a clue!
There’s nothing worse than being with an insecure man, and there are two very different types of insecure men. One type is the crazy insecure man who is possessive and intimidating. The other type is the insecure man who is just freaking annoying!! They share the same possessive nature as the crazy insecure man, but they are far less intimidating. In fact, the annoying insecure man whines ALL the time! “Why didn’t you call me? Are you mad at me? Did I do something to offend you?” “I apologize if I did something wrong.” “Are you going to leave me?” “Am I annoying you?” YES YOU ARE!!! I once dated this type of insecure man, and he aggravated me beyond belief. In one incident the guy called me several times while I was taking a nap, which is why I didn’t answer the phone. Probably by the seventh time my phone rang, I woke up to find out what was going on. I answered the phone and before I could speak he asked, “Are you mad at me?” WHAT!?!? I can’t begin to describe how irked I was that this man didn’t have a bit of confidence, or even a clue about his absurdity. He was so worried that I didn’t answer my phone because I was upset with him, he didn’t think that I might have been busy. Needless to say his insecurity was a turnoff, and I stopped dating him immediately! Men who bitch and whine get no where with women. Women don’t want to date men they have to constantly reassure.
The same is true for women and control. Women don’t want to date a man they can dominate and control. Dictionary.com defines a pushover as an easily defeated person, and a person who is easily persuaded, influenced, or seduced. In lamest terms a pushover is a man with no backbone, a wimp, a wuss, a ( I was going to use another term, but I’ll keep it PG). A pushover is absolutely undesirable to a confident woman. A confident woman wants to date a man rather than a boy. We like men who can stand up for themselves, and pose an argument or an opinion. None of that occurs when dating a pushover. Why do you think Laura Winslow preferred Stephan over Steve? She considered Steve weak because he followed her around like a lap dog. Being a pushover doesn’t only pertain to dating because often a pushover is the same with family and friends. A pushover with family is comparable to a momma’s boy. Uggghhh! Women surely do not want to date a momma’s boy! Fellas you have to evaluate your flaws and your dating patterns. If I described you in this post, then there’s definitely a problem! You may have relationships, but I can’t imagine they will have longevity. Your relationship will only last so long, before your woman finds substance somewhere else. Women want to date men that exude maturity and confidence (not arrogance, there is a difference). So fellas I’m going to tell you the same thing I told the ladies, “Do love yourself before attempting to love someone else.” Self-love will make you a better man for your date, girlfriend, or wife. Take note!