I was writing a post about what questions to ask on a first date, when these questions about sex crossed my mind. Should you talk about sex on the first date? Should you ask about a person’s sexual history on the first date? These are very good questions that may be tricky, but I have the answers. Let’s talk about sex!
The first question I posed, “Should you talk about sex on the first date,” has a cut and dry answer. Do whatever you feel is best. There’s no rule in talking about sex on the first date. You do, however, have to prepare yourself for the risks of discussing sex on the first date. Yes there are risks. The risks are that “sex talk” may distract your date so much, they lose focus of you – the inner you. Of course it depends on how far your conversation goes. The lighter the “sex talk,” the lighter the risks. The deeper the “sex talk,” the deeper the arousal. Let’s be completely real, talking about sex opens up a different can of worms than the usual first date conversation about hobbies, interests, and family. There’s a big difference between flirting, and having an in-depth discussion about sex. Some people may get detailed about sexual encounters, the best, the worst, etc., and it’s those conversations you have to think about before engaging into. Be prepared for the outcome if you choose to talk about sex.
The second question, “Should you ask about a person’s sexual history on the first date,” is a hard concept for me to fathom. Some people like to ask questions like “How many partners have you had,” “When did you lose your virginity,” “Have you ever gotten anyone pregnant,” and the list goes on. I don’t understand the point to any of those questions. What person is going to honestly tell you how many partners they’ve had? In my opinion everybody lies! If someone has had 10 partners, they’ll say they’ve had 5. If someone has had 5 partners, they’ll say they’ve had 3. Women don’t want to appear promiscuous, and men don’t want to give the impression they’re “a playa.” So I say don’t ask the questions at all! Will a man really tell you how many women he’s had a “scare” with (I’m talking about pregnancy)? Likewise, will a woman really tell you how many times she’s had a scare? Probably not, and if he or she does, it may not be the complete truth. I’m a huge sceptic with these types of questions because everyone wants to protect their image, and the truth is never exposed. It may be necessary at some point, to ask when he or she was last tested for diseases and if they’d consider getting tested. However, if you’re not comfortable indulging in “sex talk” anyway, it’s not necessary to ask these questions on the first date. It’s true that someone can lie about the last time they’ve been tested, but that’s a question far more important than, “How many partners have you had?”
Whether talking about sex or having sex on the first date, it’s about being comfortable. How comfortable are you with sex? If you’re not comfortable talking about sex, then diffuse the conversation if your date brings it up. I emphasized the “first date,” because it’s the pivotal date where you’re asked a lot of questions about your personal life, so sex may seep into the conversation.If you’re naturally a sexual person, then you may be more inclined to talk about sex on the first date. Does that make it wrong? Not at all! Only you know what you’re intentions and goals are for your date, so I say “Do you!”