Several months ago I went on a date to a sophisticated restaurant where the ambiance was classy and cool. Likewise my date appeared sophisticated and classy, however his attitude and conversation exuded hostility and resentment. The hostility developed from his discussion about his ex-girlfriend. I perceived he typically was a calm and collected man, but the topic of his ex-girlfriend apparently set him off. Ironically he chose to talk about his ex-girlfriend all on his own. I simply asked him “When was your last relationship,” and he felt it necessary to give a drawn-out explanation of how the relationship ended. He lost me at that moment. Two essential ‘Dating Don’ts’ are 1) don’t talk in detail about your ex, and 2) don’t talk negatively about your ex. His story began with “Man she was a crazy broad,” and it was those very words that made me leave his ass alone!
Sharing too much information about your ex on a date, is a date destined for failure. Your date doesn’t care about how you and your ex met, where you two traveled, what your arguments were about, or how the break-up happened. Who cares? The only important information you need to share with your date is the longevity of your relationship and give a general idea of why the relationship ended. It’s also important to share if you’ve been previously married or engaged (these are definite disclosures for a first date). You don’t have to give too much detail, but give your date a synopsis of your last relationship. Too much detail gives the impression that either you’re not over your ex, or you haven’t released some built-up resentment towards your ex. It displays your weaknesses, and that’s one of the worst things you can do if you’re trying to impress someone new. Wait I retract that last sentence. The worst thing you can do on a date is call your ex a “ho,” which is exactly what my date did!
My date didn’t know when to shut up! He was at full disclosure, and I absorbed every word he said because it further confirmed it would be our first and last date. He called her a “ho” because he said they had their first child at a young age (oh yeah that’s when I found out he had kids). He then accused her cheating and clubbing too much. I don’t know why he thought I was the least interested in hearing about his babymama (since I found out about the kids) and their drama. From first impressions I wouldn’t have imagined this man was capable of such inappropriate candor. He changed from a charismatic and considerate person, to a mean and disrespectful idiot. It was like watching Dr. Banner transform into the Hulk. I was upset to see how much his ex affected his attitude and ultimately his life. A person should not let their past relationships affect their future relationships. My date was the first time I experienced a man vent about his ex to his “newbie,” but I’ve known plenty of women who sabotage their dating prospects by venting too much (I was one of them too). They often say things like “He was a no-good man, a cheater, a liar, a loser,” and the list goes on and on. These candor women and men don’t realize that for every negative they tell about their ex, tells a negative about themselves. I’ve called a few of my exes losers, cheaters, and various expletives, but there’s a time and place for everything. The time is definitely not on a date, and the place is in the company of friends or in the privacy of your own home. What’s done is done, and there’s no need to go down memory lane – especially to the person you’re trying to court. No one wants to hear you whine and complain about your past. I’ve been the “complainer” and I’ve been the one complained to, so believe me I know! Leave the past in the past!
—Duece Sense gives his 2 Cents—
It definitely sounds like this guy was not over his ex. I can’t really tell the length of time between the break-up and your date, but it seems like your questions opened up the flood gates. He probably never really talked about it. To his boys his words were “forget that ho” without really going into details because that’s what we do. You were the first person to come along, and all that [was] built up in him just poured out.
I am currently talking ot a lady I’m interested in, who just got out of a relationship. She has yet to speak about him on our dates, but he has come up during our phone conversations. I have yet to personally decipher whether this topic really bothers me or if it’s the fact that I know its taboo. It’s a no win situation, whether the comments are negative or postive each comment gets the *side eye*