He Lives With His Mama…Hell No!

Once again I’m representing for the fellas and feeling their pain on yet another dating issue. I’m talking about the double standards men face regarding their living arrangements and transportation. It seems like most women ages 25-35 expect a man to have all aspects of their life in order before they consider dating him. I agree that one should have standards in choosing their mate, however, it’s a double standard that women are accepted as they go through transitions in their life, but men are criticized. Women are not judged nearly as much as men are. For example, it’s okay for a woman 25-35 years old to live with her parents, and it’s okay if she doesn’t own a car. A man 25-35, however, is overlooked if he lives with his parents and doesn’t own a car. I hear women say, “I can’t date a man that lives with his Mama and doesn’t have a car.” I find that ironic, since some women who think this way, don’t have their lives in order 100%. Those women want a man with everything because they have nothing. Don’t get me wrong, women want a man who is responsible, independent and a provider, however everyone goes through changes in their lives at different times. There’s no rule book for life, so everybody experiences life differently. Cut a brotha some slack!

Of course the acceptance of a man living with his parents is situational. There’s a huge difference between a man who lives with his parents to save money to eventually move out, and a man who is just comfortable living at Mommy and Daddy’s house. Obviously I’m talking about the men that are taking a step backwards, in a sense, to save and prepare for the future. I know it makes things a little uncomfortable, but it’s unfair to completely count him out as a potential date. The same goes for a man without a car. If he doesn’t own a car, but he has his own place and he’s saving his money, then why rule him out? Women always complain they can’t find a good man, but they may be bypassing a good man because he’s in transition. What’s even worse is that some of these same women will date a man who lives in a cardboard box (so to speak), but he drives a Benz with all the works.  Now what type of sense does that make? I’d much rather date the man who’s in transition and making rational decisions for his future, then a man who lives alone in a low-income apartment driving a Benz.

I’m not saying to go out there and start dating every man who doesn’t have a pot to piss in, but I am saying to be more open and give these men a chance. In a previous post, “Ladies Stop Blaming Men,” I said it should not take more than three dates to discover a person’s character. If you are 25 and older, you should be especially keen to bullshit talk and the absent actions to back it up. Think about it. Men don’t reject women because they live with their parents and don’t own a car. Take me for example, I am 27 and I live with my parents, but that doesn’t hinder me from dating. Realistically dating has changed, the economy has changed, and everybody is watching their pockets. If you want to find a “good man,” you have to expand your idea of the norm.  Don’t place all of your value into materialistic things and be reasonable! Fellas, all you can do is focus on your goals, and if a woman is not willing to ride with you on your journey, she’s not worth the ride anyway!



    1. I agree, but I think it depends on the person’s circumstances. I know men who have moved back home with their parents for a year or two to save for a down payment on their house. It’s a transition period and I don’t think these men should be ignored for taking a few steps back to eventually leap forward. Of course it’s circumstantial though…I can’t deal with a man who never left or wants to leave the nest!

  1. It depends on where he lives. The recession hit hard. If he lives in NYC, San Fran or Los Angeles, I would be surprised if he DIDN’T live with his parents.

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