Date Rape or Not??


Date Rape. What action is considered rape? Drunk or not drunk? Does it matter? Does violence or force have to be a part of the act for it to be considered rape? Society seems to define date rape by what is the norm and the circumstances involved. Everyone has their own opinion about rape. USlegal.com states the rape law is “if a man forcibly subjects a woman who is not his wife to sexual intercourse without her consent, he has committed the crime of rape.” I guess the law can only provide a definitive answer to what constitutes a rape…or maybe not.

It seems like rape laws become lenient if alcohol is a factor in the rape, specifically with the consent part of the law. If the victim was inebriated during the act, it becomes especially hard to seek rape charges due to victim’s memory loss or lack of evidence. Alcohol and sex go hand-in-hand these days and it is glorified. Men plot to get a woman inebriated enough to have to sex. You hear about it in popular songs like Jamie Foxx’s “Blame It On the Alcohol.” Is drunk sex consensual sex? We all know the difference between tipsy and intoxicated. An intoxicated person cannot consent to sex and therefore any sexual conduct with that person is rape. It’s the victim, however, that is thought to have done something wrong in most alcohol-induced rapes. I was raped 8 years ago, and a few former friends and the police implied that it was my fault. “How much did you drink, did you enjoy it, I don’t think he’d do that, were you flirting with him, are you sure you weren’t just drunk?” It was ridiculous! I blamed myself for a long time. I thought, “If only I didn’t drink that night.” It was actually the police officer who asked “Did you enjoy it,” along with a few other unnecessary questions about my previous sexual activity. If the law doesn’t take it seriously, then why would anyone else? I’ve also had people ask why did I drink so much? My response is, why do we all do the stupid things we do when we’re younger? Because I had too much to drink did not give them (a former friend’s younger brother and his friend) the right to take advantage of me! The severity of the crime is the same as a person who is drugged and raped – in either situation the victim cannot consent to sex. However, it’s clear that society’s stigma about date rape is if you’re young, intoxicated and not a virgin, you probably asked for it.

Unfortunately my case was dropped because there wasn’t enough evidence and my memory was limited. I was 19, drinking underage, and the location was the Jersey Shore. According to them I was just another college student at the Shore looking for a good time. Who cares, right? Mentally I was in no condition to fight, but it would have been nice for the law to fight for me. To be violated and used for pleasure without my consent was the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. I was in and out of consciousness, so I will never know the full details of the incident. Sometimes I still struggle with what happened. It’s hard living with the memories I do have, so I truly sympathize with victims who have detailed memories of their rape. This is the first time I’m speaking out about my rape. I chose to discuss my experience for my personal therapy, but I now realize my story can help other victims. Don’t be ashamed to talk about it. Don’t be afraid of the judgment you may receive. Don’t live in fear! No matter what, you were violated and it’s not your fault! It’s important  for victims to present a real voice about the date rape crime, because its only voice now is glorification from rappers and singers.

DATE RAPE IS NOT OK AND IT’S NOT FUNNY!

*Men can be victims of rape. My thoughts are based solely on my personal experience.

**The day after I wrote “Date Rape or Not,” I found the following article on CNN.com. The article is about the controversial remarks a judge made to the victim in a date rape case.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/02/25/canada.judge.comments/index.html?hpt=T2

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One comment

  1. I have to write a paper on this, this helped a lot. I am sorry that this happened to you, but your misfortune has raised awareness for MANY other young women outh there. Thank you

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