Candid Conversation #1


Insecure: I think he’s cheating. He comes home really late or sometimes not at all. He doesn’t talk to me like he used to. He never wants to hang out. And when his phone rings, he always goes in the other room. I checked his phone and he’s been talking to this one girl a lot.

Secure: Yeah he’s probably cheating. Have you tried talking to him about your relationship to see if you’re on the same page?

Insecure: Yeah but he just blows me off. He says I’m imagining things and I’m nagging him. So I gave him some space for a few days, but that’s not helping.

Secure: Why are you giving him so much power? He comes home later or not at all, pretty much ignores you, spends no time with you, and he doesn’t want to talk about your relationship. So why are you with him?

Insecure: I’m not giving him power. I mean, he does spend some time with me when he can. He works a lot so I understand that. He said he’s so tired from work sometimes that he sleeps at his friend’s house that doesn’t live far from the job. He doesn’t want to drive when he’s really tired.

Secure: Ohhhh so now you’re justifying his deceitful actions. You do that a lot. You complain about what he’s doing wrong. I tell you he’s wrong and give you reasons why, then you justify his actions by telling me the same excuses he told you. It doesn’t make sense.

Insecure: I’m not making excuses, but I don’t want to make something out of nothing. What if he’s not cheating?

Secure: So if he you found out he’s not cheating, but his actions remain the same, would that make you feel better? Would you be happy in your relationship? Why is cheating the ultimate standard in your relationship? You’re settling because his actions are telling you that something is going on.

Insecure: If he’s not cheating, I would still have issues, but it would make things a little less complicated. We can work on the other stuff.

Secure: I believe in working things out, but it takes two people to make it work. He doesn’t want to talk to you or spend time with you, so how will you work it out? It seems like you’re waiting for him to make a move, rather than you making a move for yourself. You’re allowing him to do whatever he wants in your relationship and you can’t change him! The only person changing is you! You’re insecure and your actions are jealous. Looking through his phone, keeping tabs on him, and searching for clues of infidelity. You want to make sure no one else is making him happy, but why do you care so much since he’s not making you happy? You’re losing your power. Don’t allow him to take your power or your sanity. The longer you’re in this relationship, the longer you’ll be miserable and stressed. I’ve been where you are. The day you realize your worth, is the day your life will be forever changed.

Insecure: I want to be happy, but it’s hard because I love him.

Secure: You have to love you first! Maya Angelou said “Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” Jealousy and insecurity are dangerous and they’re often more harmful to the person who possesses it. It’s a mental torture! It kills me that you don’t know you’re own worth. You’re a beautiful person with a good heart and it’s sad that you can’t see that you deserve the same…you deserve to be happy. You need help to rebuild your self-esteem because that’s the only way your insecurity and jealousy will subside. Stop stressing over a man who is obviously not stressing over you! Take your power back!!

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