(Originally posted December 1, 2010)
The holidays are here and while it’s a joyous time of year, it’s also the time of year when relationships are tested. During the Thanksgiving holiday I received an email from a reader who asked for relationship advice, which I’ll address her in this post. “What should I do if for the 2nd year my man doesn’t invite me to his family’s house for the holidays?” – Dazed & Confused
Initially I was appalled you asked for advice, but then I rationalized why the obvious is unclear to you. Because you’re in the relationship, it’s difficult for you to see what may be evident to those on the outside looking in. So I’ll bring the obvious to light for you “Dazed & Confused.” While I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship, I can tell that he is not fully committed to you. You’ve invested two years with a man who doesn’t have the courtesy nor the desire to invite you to his family’s Thanksgiving dinner. There is no excuse he could create that would justify his actions. You weren’t specific as to whether you previously met the family on a different occasion, but even if you had, it still doesn’t substantiate why he doesn’t want you to celebrate with his family on this occasion. A committed couple is supposed to share experiences together and create memories together with the intent to build a future together. It doesn’t seem like he wants to do that with you.
You have to ask yourself why he doesn’t want you to celebrate with his family. And I guarantee you already know the answer or you don’t want to admit it. Something fishy is already going on in your relationship and the lack of an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner is not your only problem. You said this is the 2nd year he didn’t invite you to Thanksgiving dinner, which means one of two things. Either your mate is unhappy in the relationship and he’s disrespectful enough not to invite you, or he doesn’t acknowledge you as his woman. When a man is “all in” a relationship, he is proud to introduce you as his woman…especially to his family who have loved and supported him throughout his life. If he’s not “showing you off,” then he’s not “all in.” I have an older brother who ‘s made it a point to only introduce the family to girlfriends that he’s absolutely serious about. The family doesn’t meet the woman that he casually dates because family is held to a high standard. You need to find out from your mate what you mean to him, so you have an idea if the both of you are on the same accord.
Often we get so caught up in time; how long we’ve known or dated a person, rather than thinking about the nature of the relationship. You’ve been with your mate for two years, but what was meaningful within those two years? Are you happy? Do you trust him? Does he treat you like you ought to be treated? If you answer no or have any justifications for why you answered no, then the relationship may not be worth another year. Before you jump the gun, however, keep in mind that I am giving suggestions purely based on the question you presented to me. I’m predicting that your relationship is complicated, which is why you sought advice, but you have to use your best judgment on how to deal with this dilemma. I definitely recommend that you have a well thought out conversation with your mate, but be prepared to hear everything he tells you. Really listen to what he’s tells you in words, body language and in his actions. Be aware that your happiness and peace of mind are most important! Relationships are hard work, but they’re not supposed to be one of life’s stresses. Love with common sense!
Thank you “Dazed & Confused” for allowing me to share your question with others. I hope my thoughts helped you and please keep me posted!