Getting Out of Your Relationship Rut


(Originally posted November 14, 2010)

I’m sure all of us at some point in our lives have gotten stuck in rut. We get comfortable with daily habits and spontaneity becomes obsolete. It can personally be challenging to get out of a rut, but what happens if your relationship gets stuck in one? What’s the remedy to fixing your boring relationship? Here are a few ideas I’ve learned from friends or I’ve tried myself.

Sex of course is great way to bring excitement into any lagging relationship. Sometimes sex becomes predictable, so think of new ways to spice things up. Ladies, besides just buying the obvious sexy lingerie, also research sex games. The best way to surprise your man in the bedroom is to show him, and maybe teach him new tricks. He’ll be more surprised by your advanced moves than your lingerie. And fellas you can stand to learn some new moves too! I know men have the world’s biggest egos, but trust me your woman has yet to have her best sex ever. Introduce new things into the bedroom that will please the both of you. Go to an adult store together to explore toys and techniques. You’d be surprised how much fun you can have in an adult store. You may also discover your partner’s level of sexuality. He/she may be more of a freak than you thought!

A “staycation” will also add spice to your relationship. If you’re not familiar with the term, a “staycation” is a vacation away from home at home. For instance, if you live in Queens, NY you’d reserve a plush hotel (no not the Holiday Inn) somewhere in Manhattan for the weekend. You’d also make arrangements for dinner at a nice restaurant, a Broadway show, and a romantic stroll in Bryant Park. Nice! A “staycation” will make you and your mate feel like you’re miles away from home. This especially is a great way to reconnect with your mate if you’re having communications issues. It provides the opportunity to get back to the basics of your relationship.
And getting back to basics is an essential solution to your rut problem. The starts of most relationships begin the same way. You’re connected emotionally, you would spend every moment with him/her if you could, the sex is fantastic and most importantly you talk all the time about almost everything. It’s wonderful right? Then time passes, reality kicks in and while you still love your mate, your mate’s flaws have since been revealed. Your emotional connection hopefully won’t change, but now you can stand to spend some time away from him/her, and you may not talk as much about everything like you did in the beginning. So to get out of the rut, you have to get back to the place you were in the beginning when everything appeared to be rosy.

Sometimes, getting back to basics means analyzing yourself and your relationship. What’s changed in your relationship? Are you arguing more and why? And who starts most of the arguments (be honest with yourself on this one)? Think about how you got into the rut and what small steps you can make in your daily routine to get out of it. Change doesn’t always have to be major. Sometimes it’s the small things that matter. For instance, if you don’t normally communicate with your mate during the day, then surprise your mate with a phone call or a sweet text message. Instead of going to lunch with your co-workers, meet your mate for lunch. Figure out what small things bring smiles to your faces and start to take action. Just because you’re in a rut doesn’t mean the relationship is over. A relationship is not over until it’s decided that it’s not worth the work. Until then, have great sex, get away and get back to basics.

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